BkerChuck
Second hand vegetarian
A little more than one year ago I completed my first official IBA ride, a Saddlesore 1000 by riding over 1000 miles in under 24 hours during a rally, the Titan Quest. My wife was supposed to be along and do the same but unfortunate circumstances conspired against us, well mostly against her, when she wrecked her bike the day before the ride in an oil spill. Mona encouraged me to go on and do the rally alone as she would not be able to do anything except take pain meds and suffer. Knowing full well that she’s capable of completing one of these this year was her redemption.
Jonathan Hammy Tan, an IBR finisher and occasional rally master had already planned another 24 hour rally for this year and this past Saturday was her chance. The Mufflerman 1000 was to be a start anywhere, finish at Yoder’s Family Restaurant in New Holland, PA scavenger hunt to visit and photograph as many muffler men as you could starting any time after midnight Friday from any location and allowing 24 hours to ride. Muffler men are large, tall, fiberglass statues that at one point were common in front of tire stores or auto parts shops. Roadsideamerica.com maintains a list of locations where these giants still exist. This rally left the research up to the rider to pick and visit as many as you could in the time allotted.
After spending some time on the internet and Basecamp plotting locations where they could be found we worked on coming up with a reasonable route that would give us a Saddlesore ride and hopefully a decent score in the rally. The weather forecast looked like much of our region would be in a heat wave particularly along the east coast. This was unfortunate because for some reason New Jersey has a lot of muffler men. Seeing there were 4 in the western part of PA we decided to ride west on Friday after work and get a hotel room within a reasonable drive of our first bonus. Part of my logic was to have us loop around to Unger, WV before nightfall to visit a group of Muffler men known as the Farnham Colossi. If we started out close to 5 A.M. our plan would get us there before dark and end close to the finish less than 24 hours later. Booking rooms for both nights we were as ready as we could get barring something unforeseen.
The Friday after work ride to Altoona from our house was uneventful other than leaving a little later than I’d hoped. A relatively short 150ish miles ending at an Econo Lodge I found for under $60 a night. Relatively clean it would serve its purpose. A night of rest in the air conditioning and a shower in the morning to get us started. Turning in early we plugged our Sena headsets and my phone in to charge while we slept with an alarm set for 4:00. I’d already made note of a gas station only a few blocks away and in the right direction even. Up before the alarm we set about repacking the few items we’d brought in and rode to the gas station/convenience store for a quick bite to eat and fuel so we could begin our adventure.
A quick breakfast sandwich and we check our receipts to be sure they’ll have the correct information. On rallies and IBA rides all receipts must have the address, city, state, date, and time to be accepted. These were good so out to the pumps to fill up and get “on the clock” for the next 24 hours. Our plan had us leaving at 05:00 but we lost a few minutes and it was closer to 5:03 when we hoisted our kickstands. Already 81 degrees we knew the day would get brutal and hoped to be ahead of schedule by afternoon in case we needed to take a rest break.
Our first stop was in Kittaning, PA at the Cadet Café for a picture of Sam, a cowboy muffler man. In this rally in lieu of a rally flag riders were told to bring their own mascot which has to appear in all pictures. I chose a small stuffed cow I named Bruce to honor a departed friend Bruce Jansen, a LD rider who we lost last year during a rally in an accident. I learned after his passing that Bruce had grown up on a dairy farm and felt this was a good way to honor his memory. The easiest way to get my photo was to place Bruce on my top box and shoot at an angle. One down and just over an hour in. Actually about 5 minutes ahead of our plan. A good way to start.
Heading further south our next stop will be in Greensburg, PA about 42 miles away for a football playing muffler man who got in over his head. Apparently when he was moved at some point his head got lost. It takes us about an hour and gives us the first close call of the day. As I make a left turn from one road onto the next. The grayish color of the road masks a fine layer of gravel and I get the sphincter tightening sensation of my back tire slipping out. Fortunately I’m going slow enough to recover and the only damage is the cardio workout I’m getting as my heart pounds its way back to a normal pulse. At just past 2 hours in we’ve bagged our second bonus. It’s already getting warm and we know staying hydrated will mean the difference between finish and fail so we split a bottle of water and eat some beef jerky.
Southwest towards Uniontown, PA to capture our next target, an old school muffler man at a tire store. 38 miles covered in about 49 minutes. We’re doing well as so far each bonus is located exactly where the Garmin said it would be. Take our photos, record odo reading and time on our index cards for our score sheets later and drink some more water. Somehow, and I think it’s the lack of traffic so far, we’re almost 30 minutes ahead. One more stop and leg 1 of 5 will be in the books.
East now to Rockwood, PA and a visit to a campground. We had to plan this one so that we’d arrive during business hours as the muffler man is located in the campground and not just at the entrance. We cover the 34 miles in about 45 minutes. This time the GPS is a little confused. We ride past the entrance expecting a side road that should give us access. Wrong! Turn around and go to the entrance where we find an employee riding around in a golf cart. Asking where the muffler man is they chuckle and give us directions. Apparently we may not be the first motorcyclist here today. Pictures, time and odo recorded, and more water before switching the Garmin to leg 2.
This will be one of our longest nonstop rides and we stop for gas along the way. A shade over 200 miles and 3 and a half hours later we reach Richwood, WV. This muffler man is a high school mascot and is a part of the score board on their football field. Fortunately the gates to the field are open allowing us to park very close and we walk out on their track to get our pictures. By this point it’s getting hot. Almost brutally hot. Gatorade, water, and a bite to eat before we head south east to our next bonus.
145 miles and 3 hours later after stopping for fuel we’re in Roanoke, VA at an auto repair shop. Temps are in the 90’s now and Mona is starting to question if this is really fun. I’m doubting it myself. We get our photos and record the info for later. Take a few minutes to drink and grab more snacks. We’re over 40 minutes ahead and this is our furthest south we’ll be going. We know we’re now heading into the area where it’s going to be the hottest, northeast.
In just over an hour and 53 miles later we stop in Buena Vista, VA for what I think is the coolest muffler man we’ll see. This robo muffler man holds a mini bike in one hand as if he’ll crush it like a bug. Take some pictures, write down the odo reading and time and check GPS for a gas station. At 50 minutes ahead of plan we’re going to stop and take a little longer break. More water, bio break, and fuel before the next leg starts.
Heading north now we spend almost 120 miles on I-81 and fortunately traffic is still fairly light. We’re headed for Unger, WV and a group of muffler men known as the Farnham Colossi. It’s almost 190 miles and even at highway speed takes us just short of 4 hours. So far all has gone well so you knew the shoe was about to drop. Arriving at the location Garmin indicates is correct I know right away something is wrong. I’ve been to this location once before and this isn’t right. There are no muffler men here. Double check the Garmin, check her Garmin. It says this is it. WTF? We hit detour and it takes us on a 6 mile loop back to the same point. I Google the address and enter it. We take off and soon arrive back at the same place? What the hell?
Looking at the number on the mailbox I see 4633. We need 14633. Apparently the Garmin is dropping the first number when I enter it. Heading down the road almost 5 more miles we see the collection of fiberglass men and woman that we’re looking for. Our 50 minute lead evaporated in one stop! Her low fuel light is on, we’re in the middle of BFE WV and it’s getting dark. I’d hoped to be here in daylight but park my bike in such a way that the aux light illuminate the statues enough combined with my Streamlight Waypoint LED light we can take usable pictures. Taking pictures of as many as we can we already know they may not all count but take them anyway.
Ask the GPS to find a gas station and off we go. 6 miles away we stop and refuel our machines and our stomachs. Eat a little and drink even more. Heading east now to Glen Burnie, MD I know this next statue won’t count I’ve already asked the rally master. We need the waypoint though for our Saddlesore so we’ll deal with it. 123 miles and 2 hours 32 minutes later we’re at a MD DMV location looking up at a 34 foot tall crash test dummy. It’s 11:30 at night and still over 90 degrees. Take pictures, write down odo and time, and drink. Then drink some more. We rode through a too brief rain shower and find ourselves almost wishing for another. That’s how hot it is. We’ve now been riding for 18 ½ hours. Changing the GPS we’re off for our fifth and final leg and the shortest.
East through Delaware we stop for fuel before we hit New Jersey. I hate getting fuel in New Jersey. 86 miles and slightly more than 90 minutes we stop in front of the Cowtown Rodeo and Flea market to see a big cowboy. Record odo and time and drink more water. Our next two stops are also in New Jersey and close together. 45 minutes and 30 miles get us to the first one. Once more it’s not exactly where we expect. There’s a police car sitting in a semi-dark parking lot and we stop almost in front of him. At 1:30 in the morning I can understand his concern as he exits the patrol car and walks toward me. Opening the front of my helmet I tell him what we’re looking for and he chuckles. Pointing the direction we’d just returned from it turns out we hadn’t gone far enough. Thanking him we ride the mile and a half to visit a muffler woman holding a tire.
15 minutes and 4 miles away we stop again. A muffler man holding a tire in front of a tire store. Stereotyping? Who cares, we need the bonus point. Record odo and time, drink more water and head towards one more stop and the finish.
We roll back into PA and through Philadelphia at a time of day that gets us past with no traffic for the first time in our lives. We roll towards Oaks, PA to visit a halfwit. Possibly a forum member? We roll in around 2:40 am and get our pictures. Record time and odo and all that left is a ride to Morgantown, PA where we have a room booked. The ride goes well enough and we’ve already got a gas station figured into our plan only a few tenths of a mile from our room. Refilling out tanks for the last time our receipts clock us out at 3:27 am with 1058 miles recorded by Mr. Garmin.
Rolling into the Red Carpet Inn we get a very rude surprise. All of the lights are out and there’s no one in the office. I told them when I made the reservation we’d arrive close to 4:00am. Call the phone number and get the after hours, sorry we’re closed message. We are not having fun now. Iron Butt hotel is not in our plan. Heading towards the final finish location at Yoder’s Family Restaurant in New Holland I use the GPS to locate another room. Fortunately a Comfort Inn in New Holland comes to our rescue. We score the last available room and though it’s more than we planned on spending a shower and a bed in a room with AC by this point is priceless.
5 hours of sleep later we go to the finisher’s banquet and scoring. Ultimately out of 7 riders I finish last with Mona ahead of me in 6th by virtue of a more accurate odometer. We managed to bag 15 muffler men that count. Our crash test dummy is no good but I already knew that. Even though this may be one of our worst finishes we’re okay with that. We planned our ride and we rode our plan. Paperwork is in and Mona will now get her IBA number and the certificate to go with it that she was denied last year.
Jonathan Hammy Tan, an IBR finisher and occasional rally master had already planned another 24 hour rally for this year and this past Saturday was her chance. The Mufflerman 1000 was to be a start anywhere, finish at Yoder’s Family Restaurant in New Holland, PA scavenger hunt to visit and photograph as many muffler men as you could starting any time after midnight Friday from any location and allowing 24 hours to ride. Muffler men are large, tall, fiberglass statues that at one point were common in front of tire stores or auto parts shops. Roadsideamerica.com maintains a list of locations where these giants still exist. This rally left the research up to the rider to pick and visit as many as you could in the time allotted.
After spending some time on the internet and Basecamp plotting locations where they could be found we worked on coming up with a reasonable route that would give us a Saddlesore ride and hopefully a decent score in the rally. The weather forecast looked like much of our region would be in a heat wave particularly along the east coast. This was unfortunate because for some reason New Jersey has a lot of muffler men. Seeing there were 4 in the western part of PA we decided to ride west on Friday after work and get a hotel room within a reasonable drive of our first bonus. Part of my logic was to have us loop around to Unger, WV before nightfall to visit a group of Muffler men known as the Farnham Colossi. If we started out close to 5 A.M. our plan would get us there before dark and end close to the finish less than 24 hours later. Booking rooms for both nights we were as ready as we could get barring something unforeseen.
The Friday after work ride to Altoona from our house was uneventful other than leaving a little later than I’d hoped. A relatively short 150ish miles ending at an Econo Lodge I found for under $60 a night. Relatively clean it would serve its purpose. A night of rest in the air conditioning and a shower in the morning to get us started. Turning in early we plugged our Sena headsets and my phone in to charge while we slept with an alarm set for 4:00. I’d already made note of a gas station only a few blocks away and in the right direction even. Up before the alarm we set about repacking the few items we’d brought in and rode to the gas station/convenience store for a quick bite to eat and fuel so we could begin our adventure.
A quick breakfast sandwich and we check our receipts to be sure they’ll have the correct information. On rallies and IBA rides all receipts must have the address, city, state, date, and time to be accepted. These were good so out to the pumps to fill up and get “on the clock” for the next 24 hours. Our plan had us leaving at 05:00 but we lost a few minutes and it was closer to 5:03 when we hoisted our kickstands. Already 81 degrees we knew the day would get brutal and hoped to be ahead of schedule by afternoon in case we needed to take a rest break.
Our first stop was in Kittaning, PA at the Cadet Café for a picture of Sam, a cowboy muffler man. In this rally in lieu of a rally flag riders were told to bring their own mascot which has to appear in all pictures. I chose a small stuffed cow I named Bruce to honor a departed friend Bruce Jansen, a LD rider who we lost last year during a rally in an accident. I learned after his passing that Bruce had grown up on a dairy farm and felt this was a good way to honor his memory. The easiest way to get my photo was to place Bruce on my top box and shoot at an angle. One down and just over an hour in. Actually about 5 minutes ahead of our plan. A good way to start.
Heading further south our next stop will be in Greensburg, PA about 42 miles away for a football playing muffler man who got in over his head. Apparently when he was moved at some point his head got lost. It takes us about an hour and gives us the first close call of the day. As I make a left turn from one road onto the next. The grayish color of the road masks a fine layer of gravel and I get the sphincter tightening sensation of my back tire slipping out. Fortunately I’m going slow enough to recover and the only damage is the cardio workout I’m getting as my heart pounds its way back to a normal pulse. At just past 2 hours in we’ve bagged our second bonus. It’s already getting warm and we know staying hydrated will mean the difference between finish and fail so we split a bottle of water and eat some beef jerky.
Southwest towards Uniontown, PA to capture our next target, an old school muffler man at a tire store. 38 miles covered in about 49 minutes. We’re doing well as so far each bonus is located exactly where the Garmin said it would be. Take our photos, record odo reading and time on our index cards for our score sheets later and drink some more water. Somehow, and I think it’s the lack of traffic so far, we’re almost 30 minutes ahead. One more stop and leg 1 of 5 will be in the books.
East now to Rockwood, PA and a visit to a campground. We had to plan this one so that we’d arrive during business hours as the muffler man is located in the campground and not just at the entrance. We cover the 34 miles in about 45 minutes. This time the GPS is a little confused. We ride past the entrance expecting a side road that should give us access. Wrong! Turn around and go to the entrance where we find an employee riding around in a golf cart. Asking where the muffler man is they chuckle and give us directions. Apparently we may not be the first motorcyclist here today. Pictures, time and odo recorded, and more water before switching the Garmin to leg 2.
This will be one of our longest nonstop rides and we stop for gas along the way. A shade over 200 miles and 3 and a half hours later we reach Richwood, WV. This muffler man is a high school mascot and is a part of the score board on their football field. Fortunately the gates to the field are open allowing us to park very close and we walk out on their track to get our pictures. By this point it’s getting hot. Almost brutally hot. Gatorade, water, and a bite to eat before we head south east to our next bonus.
145 miles and 3 hours later after stopping for fuel we’re in Roanoke, VA at an auto repair shop. Temps are in the 90’s now and Mona is starting to question if this is really fun. I’m doubting it myself. We get our photos and record the info for later. Take a few minutes to drink and grab more snacks. We’re over 40 minutes ahead and this is our furthest south we’ll be going. We know we’re now heading into the area where it’s going to be the hottest, northeast.
In just over an hour and 53 miles later we stop in Buena Vista, VA for what I think is the coolest muffler man we’ll see. This robo muffler man holds a mini bike in one hand as if he’ll crush it like a bug. Take some pictures, write down the odo reading and time and check GPS for a gas station. At 50 minutes ahead of plan we’re going to stop and take a little longer break. More water, bio break, and fuel before the next leg starts.
Heading north now we spend almost 120 miles on I-81 and fortunately traffic is still fairly light. We’re headed for Unger, WV and a group of muffler men known as the Farnham Colossi. It’s almost 190 miles and even at highway speed takes us just short of 4 hours. So far all has gone well so you knew the shoe was about to drop. Arriving at the location Garmin indicates is correct I know right away something is wrong. I’ve been to this location once before and this isn’t right. There are no muffler men here. Double check the Garmin, check her Garmin. It says this is it. WTF? We hit detour and it takes us on a 6 mile loop back to the same point. I Google the address and enter it. We take off and soon arrive back at the same place? What the hell?
Looking at the number on the mailbox I see 4633. We need 14633. Apparently the Garmin is dropping the first number when I enter it. Heading down the road almost 5 more miles we see the collection of fiberglass men and woman that we’re looking for. Our 50 minute lead evaporated in one stop! Her low fuel light is on, we’re in the middle of BFE WV and it’s getting dark. I’d hoped to be here in daylight but park my bike in such a way that the aux light illuminate the statues enough combined with my Streamlight Waypoint LED light we can take usable pictures. Taking pictures of as many as we can we already know they may not all count but take them anyway.
Ask the GPS to find a gas station and off we go. 6 miles away we stop and refuel our machines and our stomachs. Eat a little and drink even more. Heading east now to Glen Burnie, MD I know this next statue won’t count I’ve already asked the rally master. We need the waypoint though for our Saddlesore so we’ll deal with it. 123 miles and 2 hours 32 minutes later we’re at a MD DMV location looking up at a 34 foot tall crash test dummy. It’s 11:30 at night and still over 90 degrees. Take pictures, write down odo and time, and drink. Then drink some more. We rode through a too brief rain shower and find ourselves almost wishing for another. That’s how hot it is. We’ve now been riding for 18 ½ hours. Changing the GPS we’re off for our fifth and final leg and the shortest.
East through Delaware we stop for fuel before we hit New Jersey. I hate getting fuel in New Jersey. 86 miles and slightly more than 90 minutes we stop in front of the Cowtown Rodeo and Flea market to see a big cowboy. Record odo and time and drink more water. Our next two stops are also in New Jersey and close together. 45 minutes and 30 miles get us to the first one. Once more it’s not exactly where we expect. There’s a police car sitting in a semi-dark parking lot and we stop almost in front of him. At 1:30 in the morning I can understand his concern as he exits the patrol car and walks toward me. Opening the front of my helmet I tell him what we’re looking for and he chuckles. Pointing the direction we’d just returned from it turns out we hadn’t gone far enough. Thanking him we ride the mile and a half to visit a muffler woman holding a tire.
15 minutes and 4 miles away we stop again. A muffler man holding a tire in front of a tire store. Stereotyping? Who cares, we need the bonus point. Record odo and time, drink more water and head towards one more stop and the finish.
We roll back into PA and through Philadelphia at a time of day that gets us past with no traffic for the first time in our lives. We roll towards Oaks, PA to visit a halfwit. Possibly a forum member? We roll in around 2:40 am and get our pictures. Record time and odo and all that left is a ride to Morgantown, PA where we have a room booked. The ride goes well enough and we’ve already got a gas station figured into our plan only a few tenths of a mile from our room. Refilling out tanks for the last time our receipts clock us out at 3:27 am with 1058 miles recorded by Mr. Garmin.
Rolling into the Red Carpet Inn we get a very rude surprise. All of the lights are out and there’s no one in the office. I told them when I made the reservation we’d arrive close to 4:00am. Call the phone number and get the after hours, sorry we’re closed message. We are not having fun now. Iron Butt hotel is not in our plan. Heading towards the final finish location at Yoder’s Family Restaurant in New Holland I use the GPS to locate another room. Fortunately a Comfort Inn in New Holland comes to our rescue. We score the last available room and though it’s more than we planned on spending a shower and a bed in a room with AC by this point is priceless.
5 hours of sleep later we go to the finisher’s banquet and scoring. Ultimately out of 7 riders I finish last with Mona ahead of me in 6th by virtue of a more accurate odometer. We managed to bag 15 muffler men that count. Our crash test dummy is no good but I already knew that. Even though this may be one of our worst finishes we’re okay with that. We planned our ride and we rode our plan. Paperwork is in and Mona will now get her IBA number and the certificate to go with it that she was denied last year.
I don't envy you guys in the heat. I was at home in the pool thanking myself for not having enough time to do the mufflerman rally
