A.D.D.

[RadioHowie]

Okay, I'm guessing this thread lasts about 2 minutes before going into tangent hell, but here goes.

I just finished my second 900 mile ride of the week and my ass is raw.

I mean really, raw. Like in diaper rash...or maybe even diaper burn.

I'm thinking part of the problem is too spicy food selections at my quick-stops, resulting in spicy methanol emanations that have cooked the softer portions of my nether regions.

I know...TMI and mental images and all that, but I need a little advice.

Do I just need to tone down my dietary practices when I ride, or should I start using diaper medication to ease the discomfort.

I gotta believe I'm not the first person with this problem.

Help!

 

[Grumpy]

An application of Bag Balm ought to solve you problem!

 

[FJR_pig]

Hey man, I'm thinking that's just too much information all together. Good luck with your muffler. :agree:

 

[RadioHowie]

Didn't take long at all, did it? :beee:

Grumpy, I didn't take you seriously at first, but Google being our friend, I know more about "Bag Balm" than I ever wanted to.

At least you didn't recommend "Sack Salve". :lol:

 

[odot]

Baby wipes, kids. Baby wipes. After you lose weight (open the sphincter valve and release load), wipe off excess "matter" with regular toilet paper and finish with a baby wipe for that fresh clean feeling. Either that or take a shower after you take a dump. I think that is what they made the compartment below the seat. To store baby wipes. :secret:

 

[kaitsdad]

It would seem that you have the dreaded - - -- -

MONKEY BUTT

:lol: :lol: :lol:

The bane of LD riders.

Reccommended treatment?

1. Clean. Baby wipes are good (Thanks, ODOT) - but I use Tucks Medicated Pads - the witchhazel in them doesn't chap your nether regions. I use them on multi day backpacking trips.

3. Dust liberally with "Gold Bond Medicated Powder" - easy to find in the monkey butt isle of your local drug store.

oop. seems I left out # 2. Well - here it is. "2".

mg2: mg2: :lmao:

 

[RadioHowie]

It would seem that you have the dreaded - - -- -
MONKEY BUTT

No chit? Here all the time I was thinking that "monkey butt" was that incredible itch ya got like when you're 10 years old, coming home from the beach, and still wearing wet skivvies 5 hours after leaving the ocean. Yer ass is cold, numb, and itching like a mofo and nothing short of getting naked would cure the itch.

I'm talking about diaper rash from hell...the skin around the ejection port is burning like somebody sprayed hotsauce on it.

I know, I know....TMI TMI TMI

I took Grumpy's advice and picked up a tin of "Bag Balm" at my local Walgreen Pharmacy. The burning has stopped, but with greasy cheeks, it feels like I've pooped my pants.

:blink: :blink: :blink: :blink:

Oh by the way, the Walgreen-brand medicated powder, in the same exact colored can as Gold Bond, is half the price of the Gold Bond for a can twice as large. 1/4 the cost and exactly the same ingredients.

But honestly, with that menthol in the powder, no WAY I want that on my "sore parts" right now.

 

[twowheelnut]

Google it. Word.

Then again, odot's suggestion of wipes is fitting for an asswipe, no? BWAAAAAA!

 

[TestPilot]

When doing long rides I always eat simple toasted cheese and tomato (on wholegrain) sandwiches. I don't want ot be the one to discover that the out-of-the-way diner saves costs by recycling ham, or anything else.

Learned the hard way many years ago when car rallying - had the special of the day at lunchtime at a retaurant, and an hour into the rally had about 20 secs warning of pending disaster. After an emergency stop and dash to the bushes we got going again having lost 5 minutes or so. 10 minutes later I stuck the car into a bank, trying to make up time. And yes, rally cars do always sustain crash damage on the navigators side.

 

[FJR_pig]

No chit?  Here all the time I was thinking that "monkey butt" was that incredible itch ya got like when you're 10 years old, coming home from the beach, and still wearing wet skivvies 5 hours after leaving the ocean.  Yer ass is cold, numb, and itching like a mofo and nothing short of getting naked would cure the itch.
I'm talking about diaper rash from hell...the skin around the ejection port is burning like somebody sprayed hotsauce on it.

I know, I know....TMI TMI TMI

I think I just wet myself reading this thread again! :hyper: :lmao:

 

[JimV]

Didn't take long at all, did it? :beee:
Grumpy, I didn't take you seriously at first, but Google being our friend, I know more about "Bag Balm" than I ever wanted to.

At least you didn't recommend "Sack Salve". :lol:

My granddad was a dairy farmer. He used that Bag Balm stuff for everything. Kind of like the bit Chris Rock does about Robitussin.

Cheers,

Jim

 

[RadioHowie]

Then again, odot's suggestion of wipes is fitting for an asswipe, no?  BWAAAAAA!

Somehow, the classic old saw "takes one to know one" comes to mind.

Or something like "Pot, have you met kettle?"

 

[odot]

................Soooooooooooo...........the other day I was sniffing my anus and wondering what could keep the stink down..... when I realized I needed a woman with an anal/tongue fetish! EUREKA!!!!!! So, down to goth town I motored....

 

[RadioHowie]

"Butt seriously folks..."

Sorry, couldn't resist --

Anyway, woke up this morning and the pain and irritation is almost all gone, thanks to Grumpy.

....I mean to his suggestion about the Bag Balm. That's some damn good greasy stuff.

Next time I hit the road, I'll remember the Baby Wipes suggestion. Don't know about toasted cheese and tomato on wheat. I kinda like recycled ham.

Unfortunately, I get to go see my internist this coming Friday for some major abdominal work and the FJR and ZRX get parked for the next 2 months. Dammitt. Something about recycled ham, if I recall.

 

[odot]

The easiest alternative to baby wipes is paper towels. Before you take a dump, wet a paper towel (several of them) and wipe as usual with tp. After that wipe with the wet paper towels and then final wipe with dry tp. That gets most of the fecal matter off which I think is a very bad irritant. A previous roommate of mine had that babywipe stuff with him all the time....I didn't know at the time but, he had some fart problem...I know....laugh now....just wait. I always use wet paper towels when I am on the road to reduce the use of clean underwear, since I only bring one extra pair of boxer briefs with me on the road. Hard to wash clothes every day if you don't know if you are going to have access to a washer/dryer near by, ya know?

 

[Grumpy]

"Butt seriously folks..."
Sorry, couldn't resist --

Anyway, woke up this morning and the pain and irritation is almost all gone, thanks to Grumpy.

....I mean to his suggestion about the Bag Balm.  That's some damn good greasy stuff. 

Next time I hit the road, I'll remember the Baby Wipes suggestion.  Don't know about toasted cheese and tomato on wheat.  I kinda like recycled ham. 

Unfortunately, I get to go see my internist this coming Friday for some major abdominal work and the FJR and ZRX get parked for the next 2 months.  Dammitt.  Something about recycled ham, if I recall.

Radio, I used to be a bicycle rider and cleanliness followed by Bag Balm is a hard combo to beat.

Jim

 

[RadioHowie]

Thanks for the tip...

And feel free to refer to me as "Howie"...or "asshole"...depending on your mood.

 

[FJR_pig]

A previous roommate of mine had that babywipe stuff with him all the time....I didn't know at the time but, he had some fart problem...I know....laugh now....just wait. 

I think the technical term for that problem is "sharting" uke:

 

[zorkler]

i hope she used a tounge condum