A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

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vectervp1

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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table e one m ore time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says...................

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."

 
Two buddies, Bob and Larry are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Larry throws up all over himself.

"Oh, no ... Now my wife will kill me!

Bob says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Larry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My god, you're disgusting!"

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Larry says:

"Nowainaminit". I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many! And he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrrry sorry an' gave me tweneeie bucks for the cleaning bill!

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But there's two twenties..."

"Oh, yeah..... I almos' fergot, he shhh*t in my pants, too."

 

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