Anyone here answer to "Johnson"?

[exskibum]

Which of our "usual FJR riding suspects" was in the Brooksville Florida Walmart ostensibly shopping for oil, filters or other sundries and got busted taking a timeout in the beds department with a stuffed companion? Howie, Bust, beemerdons -- any of you guys know anything about this?

Man arrested for lewd act with Walmart stuffed animalPublished On: Oct 15 2014

A 19-year-old Florida man was arrested for getting amorous with a stuffed horse while shopping at Walmart.

According to police, Sean Johnson was observed removing the stuffed animal from the shelf of the store in Brooksville, taking it to the store's beds and using it to masturbate.

He then put the stained animal back on the shelf and exited the store, Tampa TV station WFLA reported.

Johnson was arrested by police nearby.

He's now charged with indecent exposure in public and criminal mischief.

The Walmart merchandise that came into contact with the stuffed horse was deemed contaminated and not suitable for sale.

Somehow, I'm not confident that "Johnson" is the perp's real name. Anyone here have a confession to get off his chest?

 

[Redfish Hunter]

None of us. That report said he was 19 years old. That pretty much eliminates all of us old geezers.

 

[exskibum]

None of us. That report said he was 19 years old. That pretty much eliminates all of us old geezers.

Funny how it's a board member from the southeast who promptly jumps in with an exculpatory claim. I expect some alibis to follow - disguises are surely not beyond the ken of some of our more twisted members.

 

[rbentnail]

Nope. I only answer to "Big Johnson".

I was called a dick a couple times at work last night, does that count?

 

[Bugnatr]

I have stepped on my Johnson a few times but I have never been to Florida.

 

[Pterodactyl]

"Redfish Hunter"

None of us. That report said he was 19 years old. That pretty much eliminates all of us old geezers.

The fact that he could get it up and then didn't fall asleep immediately afterwards is a definite clue that it wasn't anyone from this crowd.

 

[HotRodZilla]

Suspect #1:

 

[exskibum]

Ya know, AJ -- I was thinking about Bust and Dolly when I read the article. But it wasn't until you posted no.1 suspect's avatar that another image of Dolly suddenly came to me: one of her fornicating (probably against her will) with two drunk Southwesterners in Toas. Suddenly the field of suspects had grown, which takes us right back to alibis for those two. It may be a clue that one is probably less likely than the other to have shoplifted the soiled stuffed horse after the act.

And then there's beemerdons with his known preference for burrows. Or RadioHowie, who reputedly likes manatees, but lives in Florida.

Just sayin'.

:rofl:

 

[ts3doug]

 

[Bustanut joker]

I haven't been to Florida in 25 years. But I like the guys style!

 

[LagerHead]

I have stepped on my Johnson a few times but I have never been to Florida.

How do you ride with such short legs?