Ca Na Duh - questions from around the world...

[sportsguy]

CA NA DUH

Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ?(Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax?(England)

A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe; Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

FYI - I'm from Halifax, so laughing WITH you all, not at you... Well, that's not entirely true... I AM laughing, selectively, at some of you...

 

[beemerdons]

sportsguy, you're bringing up a sore subject! We Stanley Boys are still somewhat miffed at not seeing a polar bear at CFR 2009 in Nakusp, British Columbia; even though madmike2 was a pretty damn good substitute. We'e sincerely hoping for a better chance at a polar bear sighting at Mount Tremblant, Quebec next June. Not just FJRGuy Jeff in a white bear costume!!

 

[rickcorwn]

Cool!! Hippo races at CFR

 

[Pierre]

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.....

 

[sportsguy]

sportsguy, you're bringing up a sore subject! We Stanley Boys are still somewhat miffed at not seeing a polar bear at CFR 2009 in Nakusp, British Columbia; even though madmike2 was a pretty damn good substitute.

I submit this is your own issue to deal with. Clearly you did not drink enough - the message above is clear. I warn you, however, as the beer in Canada will set you back on your arse (that's a$$ to you more genteel Budweiser Buddies) in short order. Canadians do not fear alcohol so brew beers to actually contain a useful quotient of such in the product. If your drinking beer brought with you from the US, this will not work. You will not see the Polar Bears this way, as the sub-alcoholic product from the US simply lacks the wherewithal to bring you to the needed level of awareness.

Further, I submit the issue resides within your own control as using the superior US dollar at a Canadian liquor store *should* net you easily enough "real beer" to accomplish the task at hand. Failure to see a polar bear should be seen as a failing in yourself, as opposed to the vast, benevolent beauty that is the openess of Canada.

Alternatively, should you consume too much Canadian beer, you may see some of the following:

1 - penguins

2 - codfish

3 - beautiful women when you KNOW you're camping with the guys

4 - rocks, grass or gravel - as you will be on the ground at this point

5 - stars or sunshine - depends on time of day - as the beer will have knocked you on your arse

Failing enough beer showing you a polar bear, try tieing a steak around your neck and going to sleep - it's bounce to attract something...

FYI - there are no polar bears you'll want to meet in Quebec - well, no English speaking ones anyway, so when you yell at it to go away, you should say "Veuillez m'épargner. Mangez mon ami à la place."

When in Quebec, be sure to enjoy some warm, gooey poutine, as well! WARNING: Poutine and beer have been known to cause "traffic jams" at the outhouse the next morning... and may cause hallucinations...

 

[Leskid]

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe; Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.

I hate to be the party pooper but this particular question isn't as stupid as it sounds. If you like to bet on the ponies, a standardbred/throroughbred racetrack here in Quebec is called a hippodrome. For their 2010 world tour, U2 chose "Le Hippodrome de Montreal" as their QC venue.

click

But of course, whenever I'm giving an out-of-towner the nickel tour of my beautiful hometown, I always drive-by and point out the huge facilities & sign of the Hippodrome track & grandstands. And milk it for all it's worth. What, you don't race hippos in the states???

as per www.dictionary.com

hip-po-drome

–noun

1. an arena or structure for equestrian and other spectacles.

2. (in ancient Greece and Rome) an oval track for horse races and chariot races.

 

[JT 384]

That was pretty good! LOL!

 

[Crash Cash]

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

C'mon now, we know they shoot you if you speak English in Quebec. You can't fool me!

 

[big_smile_2u]

LMAO !! Very done!!! Hippo racing... who handicaps them? I couldn't find a source??? )) Do they cross train them with the horses with horns? Do the hippos also play hockey???

Rick

 

[sportsguy]

LMAO !! Very done!!! Hippo racing... who handicaps them? I couldn't find a source??? )) Do they cross train them with the horses with horns? Do the hippos also play hockey???
Rick

No. Hippos do not play hockey. That's just crazy. They rollerskate...