Do lawyers have a heart ?

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SCOTTIE

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Location
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If you think lawyers don't have hearts. Read the best lawyer story of all time...bar none.

The United Way charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?'

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

 
We get pressured at work every year to donate to them. They used to have representatives come and lecture us on the good things they do and sort of encourage us. The last two we saw both had Louis Vuitton handbags and I had to ask about them. If they could afford real Louis Vuitton purses, they were getting paid too much and if they were knockoffs then that made them thieves. Either way I refused to donate that year. Now, we just have to deal with our own managers "encouraging" us. A relatively small donation buys me an extra day of vacation every year and that is a decent incentive.

BTW, I really liked the joke that started all of this. But, it sounded like a true story to me.

 
Question: What is the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

Answer: A prostitute won't screw you when you are dead.

 
Q: Why won't a shark eat a lawyer?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q; You're locked in a room with Adolf Hitler, Jeff Dahmer, and a lawyer. You have a gun, but only two bullets. What do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer.........

Twice.

 
Q what do you have if you've got a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?

A. Insufficient sand !

 
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

**** the Butcher

Shakespeare's Henry VI

 
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Two lions met up one afternoon in the jungle and began walking along a narrow path together, one behind the other. Before long, the one in the rear reached forward and licked the other's ***. And then, a few hundred yards further down the path, the one behind reached forward and tongued the other's *** again. This went on for a couple miles before the lion in front had had enough. Turning suddenly on the other as he felt the tongue on his *** again, he demanded: "what the hell is the matter with you licking my *** every few minutes?" To which the lion in the rear apologetically replied: "well, a few miles back, I ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the bad taste out of my mouth."

 
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exskeebummm...

good to see yaz got a cents o humooor.
punk.gif


When to meet again, amigo?

Call or PM - miss your wit and wonderful sarcasm...

 
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have three possible donors. The first donor is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second donor is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. And, the third donor is an
attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"

"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the lawyer's heart. "It was easy," explained the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

 
Ok George...THAT was funny!
AJ lay off of the Peyote, that was Rich from NorCal: exskibum, ese! JSNS, muy Loco! PS: escapefjrtist is George (Jorge) from the PNW, es Verdad Amigo!
Aw **** Don, you're right. I had my old dudes mixed up. Sorry boys. Yeah, for some reason, I thought exskibum was eXcapeartist. Emphasis on the X sound. Haha...

 
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