Initiative to Remove dCarver as President of the CBA

[James Burleigh]

WHEREAS dCarver, current president of the Candy-Butt Association (CBA), was caught inflagrante delecto in this thread violating the sacred bylaws of the CBA, and

WHEREAS dCarver did by awakening and departing his home at the grossly unreasonable hour of 2:30 AM violate Sacred CBA Article 1, "No CBA member shall in any instance wake earlier than 8AM to participate on a group motorcycle ride"; and

WHEREAS dCarver did ride without the appropriate breaks in violation of Sacred CBA Article 2, "No CBA member shall ride a motorcycle for longer than 1 hour without stopping for a well-deserved and much-needed break" (although the Committee notes sympathetically that, while on the subject violation ride, dCarver did stop to pee more often than even James Burleigh did); and

WHEREAS dCarver did knowingly and flatulently violate Sacred CBA Article 3," No CBA member shall ride a motorcycle longer than 250 miles on any given day" (and the Committee notes that it was not fooled by the shameless and pitiful attempt by dCarver to fool the membership by strapping a couple of pillows to the back of his bike in plain sight :glare: ); so

THEREFORE BE IT CONCLUDED THAT dCarver's butt is iron and not candy. (The Committee notes that, apart from the above conclusive evidence, the only empirical evidence available is from Shauna or Harley the Wonder Dog. Shauna will only concede that dCarver's butt is "cute," while Harley was only willing to state, unequivocally, "Woof," and even then only after receiving a slice of pizza under the table.) And finally,



THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED THAT dCarver shall upon a majority vote of the CBA membership be summarily removed from his position as CBA president, made to face the assembled CBA membership, and mooned by the assembled tender buttowskis in a demonstration of our unanimous disdain. dCarver shall then be called in one cacophonous voice by the group "One of them iron-butt nutsos!" and booted from the assembly hall to the music of "Branded," never to be seen again (though he may if he wishes ride from town to town aiding widows in distress and shooting guys in black hats while trying in vain to recover his honor).

Resolved this First Day of July, 2008

James Burleigh, Esq.

Presidential Candidate, CBA

dCarver Leaving the Special Meeting of the CBA After Being Stripped of His Post:

 

[Rickster]

if that's a motion -- I'll second it.

All in favor?

 

[wheatonFJR]

I motion that the original motion be tabled...parliamentary motions are inherently political and as such need to be "taken outside the bar" for discussion.

 

[Silent]

I have to stand by Don. I've seen the doctors note that states he was delierious on the date in question due to an errant strain of Rideum fever.

 

[SockMonkey]

Hmmmmm.... I smell a coup de etat in the guise of formal proceedings. Messr. dCarver, I advise you to hold on to power for as long as possible and resist this outrageous attempt by the deceitful James Burleigh to usurp your position and authority. Send out your armies!!

 

[Kevin Daly]

I think this thread is getting dangeruously close to violation of fourm regulations on politics. Best tread lightly JB or Iggy is going to censure your ass :lol:

 

[RenoJohn]

why is this thread in the "jokes" section??

Don certainly does not have what it takes to lead the CBA -and has proven that lately with ill-concieved rides ...which have broken the spirit of the very foundation he started. Carveryest, you're a good guy, but in way over your head with this CBA stuff nowadays. You've lost the path, lost the focus and just don't have it in you anymore.

JimmyB, let me know when you get your presidential bid in motion, so that I can give unwaivering support. BTW, I'd like to say that I could promise you the nevada vote, -but the typical Battle Born resident will expect more than fancy coffee drinks and phaggy tofu shakes. I'm afraid you'll have to earn those votes ...just as the Carveryest did ... back in the day.

 

[FJRONAMISSION]

***** But wait!!! .... I am a first hand witness to Don's misguided attempt at Ironbuttness.... he showed up at my place beaten down and in a daze... he proceeded to

lay down on a couch in the garage, away from preying eyes ..... and rested..

I smell the evil attemp at slandering Carvers candy ass......... FJRM

 

[twowheelnut]

Wait... Harley, butts and flatulence? Sure, blame the dog, ya bastidge.

 

[jekirby]

WHEREAS dCarver did knowingly and flatulently

Huh......

 

[Scab]

I think this could easily be resolved with a little trip to the Octogon. Winner takes all. Gentlemen, place your bets.

 

[airboss]

Hold on, Hold on,

I think we need to look more closely at JB's motives here, I mean there is that recent ride in a Police car, and what was dCarvers role in in JB's being hustled off the scene in the back of the local sheriff's car.

I call for and investgation before any action is taken. this could involve personnal motives here.

 

[wheatonFJR]

Sounds like this is gonna have to be resolved in the parking lot at NAFO...

 

[Silent]

Wet noodles at 20 paces!

 

[James Burleigh]

Hold on, Hold on,
I think we need to look more closely at JB's motives here, I mean there is that recent ride in a Police car, and what was dCarvers role in in JB's being hustled off the scene in the back of the local sheriff's car.

I call for and investgation before any action is taken. this could involve personnal motives here.

I resemble those remarks! :angry: This is not about ego! And it is not about personal ambitions! And it is not about champagne cocktails!

No indeed! It is about the moral fiber and integrity of the CBA, whose only mission is to maintain the suppleness and tenderness of our members. That is to say, of our members' posteriors. :glare:

To suggest that my unfortunate social interaction with one of Solano County's finest and my inspection of his rear--that is to say, of his seat...uh, that is to say, of his rear seat...I mean of course, of the rear seat of his cruiser, in no way is material to this resolution. (But, yeah... What in the hell were you saying to the subject officer moments before he asked me--rather forcefully I might add--to inspect his rear...seat...of his squad car? Explain yourself, dCarver!?

JB

President Elect, CBA

 

[Ignacio]

dCarver shall then be called in one cacophonous voice by the group "One of them iron-butt nutsos!" and booted from the assembly hall to the music of "Branded,"

The CBA is one tough group on how tender their tucas must remain. You make veal look like Jack Palance!

My interest is purely political of course. We need to make sure the CBA and IBA dominate the two ends of the riding spectrum and not have some splinter group form and wedge the middle....cause I'm not sure the IBA is gonna embrace your potential pariah with open arms.

If you excommunicate him could he then make a new Sugar Ass Group? And would SAG have some bylaw clause about having to regularly marinate one's buttocks in terriyaki sauce and lanolin?

I implore you to keep the status quo and forgive his heinous mistake.

Sincerely,

Ignacio - "iron-butt nutso"

 

[wfooshee]

Yeah, I was buying into the resolution until the "Presidential Candidate" at the end, then it came up a bit gamey.

JB, you gots to delegate the dirty work. You shoulda let on to somebody that this is what happened, let them propose the resolution (even if you wrote it) then move in as the hero.

Didn't you see how they used Jar Jar in them Star Wars movies?

No wonder they don't let politics in here. Y'all can't even do it right!

 

[dcarver]

WHEREAS dCarver, current president of the Candy-Butt Association (CBA), was caught inflagrante delecto in this thread violating the sacred bylaws of the CBA, andPffft! Heresy I say!

WHEREAS dCarver did by awakening and departing his home at the grossly unreasonable hour of 2:30 AM violate Sacred CBA Article 1, "No CBA member shall in any instance wake earlier than 8AM to participate on a group motorcycle ride"; and

The first and foremost quality required of the esteemed Candy Butt Association president is honesty. The second most required quality is the ability to discern and state facts, not innuendo or false statements for pure political greed! I opine that my actual departure was NOT 2:30 AM as stated by Mr. Burliegh, but rather was 2:15 AM. This earlier departure was mandatory to ensure adeqaute 1 hour breaks were observed in route to FjrOnaMissions house!



WHEREAS dCarver did ride without the appropriate breaks in violation of Sacred CBA Article 2, "No CBA member shall ride a motorcycle for longer than 1 hour without stopping for a well-deserved and much-needed break" (although the Committee notes sympathetically that, while on the subject violation ride, dCarver did stop to pee more often than even James Burleigh did); and

Once again, fellow CBA members, see the error in the accusation? As observed by TWN, Barabus, Petey, and many others, I do indeed have a TinEE bladder. No possibly way can I stay seated for more than one hour without a mandatory stop! :yahoo:

WHEREAS dCarver did knowingly and flatulently violate Sacred CBA Article 3," No CBA member shall ride a motorcycle longer than 250 miles on any given day" (and the Committee notes that it was not fooled by the shameless and pitiful attempt by dCarver to fool the membership by strapping a couple of pillows to the back of his bike in plain sight :glare: ); so

Ohh, Mr. Burleigh, the true reason for the pillow is so that I can actually NAP during my every 60 minute required break! And, if by some terrible misfortune I accidentally pushed the CBA envelope of ride time acceptability, I am fully willing to pay my pittance to the CBA party fund. :lol:

THEREFORE BE IT CONCLUDED THAT dCarver's butt is iron and not candy. (The Committee notes that, apart from the above conclusive evidence, the only empirical evidence available is from Shauna or Harley the Wonder Dog. Shauna will only concede that dCarver's butt is "cute," while Harley was only willing to state, unequivocally, "Woof," and even then only after receiving a slice of pizza under the table.) And finally,

While this will be more difficult to prove, please, fellow CBA members, know that I have NOT SAT down since that fateful day and I now have first hand experience with the copious application of MonkeyButt Powder. :waaa:



THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED THAT dCarver shall upon a majority vote of the CBA membership be summarily removed from his position as CBA president, made to face the assembled CBA membership, and mooned by the assembled tender buttowskis in a demonstration of our unanimous disdain. dCarver shall then be called in one cacophonous voice by the group "One of them iron-butt nutsos!" and booted from the assembly hall to the music of "Branded," never to be seen again (though he may if he wishes ride from town to town aiding widows in distress and shooting guys in black hats while trying in vain to recover his honor).

Resolved this First Day of July, 2008

James Burleigh, Esq.

Presidential Candidate, CBA

dCarver Leaving the Special Meeting of the CBA After Being Stripped of His Post:

My fellow CBA members, Mr. Burleigh has ulterior and sinister plans to disband the CBA for his own personal gratification and raiding of the CBA party kitty.

I hope you all can see through this charade and continue to support me as your president.

And, if by chance, a majority of CBA members decide to strip me of this prestigious title, I will have no other option rather than to close the CBA Swiss bank account, relocate to New Zealand, and start again. There, Thug and I will plan the overthrow of Mr. Burleigh! After Mr. Burleigh's true colors evolve, I will happily return all CBA funds to the true owners, the fine and outstanding members of the Candy Butt Association community!

Please remember Mr. Burleigh has, at best, a checkered past. I offer proof! Here Mr. Burleigh has been pulled over by a fine outstanding officer of the law. Note Mr. Burleigh's posture of indefference as the kind and professional officer attempts to inform Mr. Burleigh of his grevious infraction against society.

And here, fellow CBA members, is proof positive of the scurrilous character of the president want to be! :winksmiley02:

And, as evidenced by this last photograph, Mr. Burleigh was duly escorted away to the pokey. I'm not sure how he was able to post such a quick bail, I'll let you try and figure it out!

My dear and loyal Candy Butt Association members, I Thank you for continued support during these trying and difficult times.

Sincerely,

dcarver

ps, if none of this works, I'll happily buy CBA card-carrying members a round at NAFO! :yahoo:

 

[Old Michael]

if none of this works, I'll happily buy CBA card-carrying members a round at NAFO!

Damn, you coulda saved me all that readin'!

Long live dcarver!