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fossilrider

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put your old mum through?" The girl, crying, replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute "

"Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!

You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex.

And for ye, daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in t he country club and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, says "a prostitute, dad."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said

a Protestant. Come here and give your old dad a hug!"

 
An Irishman asks, "How did the Scotsman find the sheep in the tall grass?"

He later replies, "Very satisfying!"

 
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