Irish Joke

[Sherman]

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006 (according to the guy that posted it.)

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

 

[feejer222]

The Vicar was invited to talk to the womens institute. His topic was the pregnancy problem in teenagers. The ladies had been sampling some home made wine that one of the members had brought along and were a little lively by the time the vicar got up to speak.

Very soon the old girls were entertaining themselves by asking the vicar risque questions about the subject which eventually drifted over to just questions about sex. The vicar stumbled his way through the talk and left in a hurry embarrased and flustered.

When his wife asked how it went he said ''oh errrr fine.'' ''What did you chat about?'' she said ''S-s-s-s-sailing''he lied. ''and what do you know of sailing?'' she asked, he lied again ''Oh I read a book on it once''.

The next day his wife met a lady from the womens institute who had been present at the talk. She had a huge smirk on her face and complemented the vicars wife on how knowledgeable her husband was on his chosen subject.

''Oh'' said the vicars wife,'' thats strange, he's only tried it twice, the first time it made him sick and the second time his hat blew off!''