Maybe NWS - Male Axioms of Life

[bigjohnsd]

The ultimate weapon of mass destruction for men's minds is wrapped in a pair of silk panties :dirtdog

God's curse to women was pain in childbirth.

God's curse to men was two heads and a blood supply that only works with one at a time. : Unknown

 

[Cyclepath]

Have you been talking to my wife?!?

 

[bigjohnsd]

Have you been talking to my wife?!?

Mine, LOL

Philosophical discussion at coffee this morning over a schmuck in state government that got fired for thinking with the wrong head at work.

 

[07FJRVegas]

So much truth in that philosophy!

 

[Pterodactyl]

Philosophical discussion at coffee this morning over a schmuck in state government that got fired for thinking with the wrong head at work.

It is astounding to me how many accomplished and capable men have lost their careers due to zipper management problems. I worked for a two star who was on the list for promotion to three star who had to resign because he was messing around with his married, female Inspector General. Yup, even a brilliant mind ceases to function well when the blood flow is restricted due to over demand by the other head.

 

[Uncle Hud]

All you gotta do is keep your zipper zipped.

 

[Klubis]

I agree Uncle Hud, but that has been nearly impossible ever since Adam and Eve (I know, I know, zippers weren't invented until Noah's time, but I was speaking metaphorically). Plus, the other party needs to keep hers zipped, too. Once she unzips, its Katy bar the door.

 

[bigjohnsd]

I agree Uncle Hud, but that has been nearly impossible ever since Adam and Eve (I know, I know, zippers weren't invented until Noah's time, but I was speaking metaphorically). Plus, the other party needs to keep hers zipped, too. Once she unzips, its Katy bar the door.

The ultimate weapon of mass destruction for men's minds is wrapped in a pair of silk panties

 

[Klubis]

I guess I made your point, huh?

 

[Klubis]

Three other axioms for we aging males:

1. Never trust a fart.

2. Never pass up a men's room.

3. Never waste an erection.

 

[HotRodZilla]

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like: "I'm tired."

"I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." "I am your sister-in-law."

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A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O, you said that might hurt!

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I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.

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A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a fucking photo-copier."

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Dear Dr Phil: I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read, "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her sister's throat!"

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My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I'm coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when you're coming you look like a fucking squirrel trying to whistle!"

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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?

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The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?" Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.