Mid-life Crises

[Toecutter]

Yes, that's the plural spelling of the word. I just knocked out the following tidbit during a birthday greeting for a fellow forum member. It seemed profound so I figured I would run it up the flagpole and see what blows. Currently coming out the other side of my own, I have some serious experience in this area. Anybody else have some wisdom/insight to add? Hopefully it isn't violating forum guidelines (moral/philosophic crap).

Mine hit about 41-1/4. However, it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened for me, so it isn't always a bad thing! I think it's the time in a man's life when he gets too tired and old to run from the truth any longer.

 

[TejasFJR]

Well... for what it's worth here are my thoughts on this. I'm 37 yrs old and think I fell into my first crisis about two yrs ago. Since I hate the idea of being a cliche, I've given a lot of thought to the how's and why's of what started this. For me at least, it seems like all the responsibilities that come with growing up: marriage, children and work have slowly put me in one of those mindless drones, similar to the feeling when you're on a long interstate drive and then suddenly realize you're 30 minutes further down the road but have no idea what happened during that time.

I realized that I managed to engage some sort of autopilot dictated by all sorts of external needs. I had all sorts of vague ideas when I was fresh out of college that where nowhere near fruition. It's a crisis of realizing the clock has been ticking. The starting gun fired and I'm still barely off the blocks. Work puts me on the road sun - thurs every week and I ended up in a huge funk, drinking hard, getting more and more resentful.

Then something happened. I guess I realized two things. One, I had such wonderful unexpected things happen in my life. When I was in my early 20's I had no idea how amazing of an experience it is to be a father. Part of my funk came from all the things I was missing with them, but I decided to focus on all the great things we could do as a family. Two, I realized that it wasn't too late to make progress on some of those dreams I had that are still important to me. I recommited to making progress with my side business. I've put together some solutions that have started to create some extra money. That has in many ways led me here. I missed the experience of being on a bike. It's hard for me to put into words, but I know you each know what I'm talking about when I say there is something incredible about being on two wheels. Its such a personal experience, an intangible experience of living... anyway. I decided to make owning a bike a priority. Now, my wife is even interested in learning to ride.

I guess I'm rambling now, but that's my take on the topic based on my experiences, the good and the bad of it.

 

[Centerline]

The cause of mid-life crisis??? I would guess it is a realization that you are getting older and may not, for who knows how much longer, be able to do some of those activities you did as a young man. Just want to get in a few more "young life" experiences while ya still can. How one lives it out depends a great deal on the level of personal maturity and other responsibilities vying for ones time.

 

[OrangevaleFJR]

I never got to my midlife crisis, my ex-wife had it for me when I was 27. Dealing with the crap that spewed out quickly got me to the point where I was too tired to deal with anything but the truth.

Well said.

 

[UnCaged]

With me I think it's seeing myself for who I really am, a feeling of loneliness and not being able to change the things that matter to me the most.

Seeing life as prisoner being punished for a crime I didn't know I committed but probably would of if given the chance.

Thats why I love my Bike so much, It's my escape! Thank God for small pleasures.

If the feeling only lasts for a "Mid-life" then I'm sure it will go away! If it continues, welp, then It's all about buying the Kaw X14! (Escape Faster!)

Uncaged

 

[Ramblin Man]

Wow, I didn't think anyone was man enough to broach this topic. I know I wasn't, but since someone else brought it up.....

I got hammered. I was physically ill and I guess I still am a little. For a while I thought I'd had a stroke or something. All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy I guess.

To me it was not just the realization that I let my life pass me by or anything like that, hell thats everyday, mine was more like getting static input to my brain that it didn't know what to do with. Funny thing was though that I figured if I was going to have to live with that crap the rest of my life I was going to get an FJR damn it. And magically every time I rode the wierd panicy pounding in my head would go away. Excercise, hard and plenty of it helped too.

I have a (irr) rational fear of doctors so that made things worse.

I belive that there is a definite physical mechanism that is the cause and the psychological shit is just a symptom. I think most doctors believe its the other way around but I bet if the followed a group of men from 35 til they turned 45 they would see a big chemical change which may be the catalyst.

It may be that elephant graveyard thing. Chemical change leads to reflection and realization that its time to let the younger bulls run things and you might as well go off and die.

We have too many responsibilities to do that though so we just sit around and wonder what the hell? Better go get me some new cars, bikes, pussy, whatever because I an't got the time to put it off anymore.

 

[dcarver]

Midlife?

Whaat? I'm not 24 any more? F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!

My young MX/SX friends are amazed that at 49 I'm still jumping the big doubles at Chicken Licks raceway and at my house... I figure.. what the heck.. I've broken about every other bone... and the thrill of it is, well, addicting.

I DO understand however. I can't do certain things. Like ride a true crotch rocket. That is the entire reason I'm on the list for on 06 with my local dealer. I think the FJR is the attack weapon (upright seating) of sport touring.

To quote a C&W song...

I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good ONCE as I ALWAYS was.

...at least I like to think so..

and what I think is what I am..

 

[moby one]

Holy Crap!!! get out the tissues and turn on Oprah! you guys just made me realize that I'm now in a mid-life crises. Damn near 38 with a wife, 2 kids, 2 car loans, and a house mortgage. I didn't count the FJR loan because like you guys said "it's my escape". Well, I will not go quietly into the night. At least not untill my back surgery heals up. Another 3.5 weeks and counting 'till I can ride.

later.

 

[Toecutter]

I belive that there is a definite physical mechanism that is the cause and the psychological shit is just a symptom. I think most doctors believe its the other way around but I bet if the followed a group of men from 35 til they turned 45 they would see a big chemical change which may be the catalyst.

Good observation there. I've been thinking of seeing a good endocrinologist and checking into my chemical makeup just for kicks. I hear they can really work wonders.

My divorce (or more specifically the stuff leading up to it) really threw me for a loop. The ex was very anti-motorcycle. Once things cleared up, settled down and I got remarried (something I never thought I'd do again), I naturally started entertaining thoughts of a motorcycle again. Brenda was all for it so the shopping began. I fell hard for the FJR and it only took about a month to find mine, once I committed to the obsession of looking around on the internet. Now, most all is good and the rest is easier to deal with. So is the FJR the ultimate steed to carry one into the Golden Years? It sure is for me!

 

[Bigboi]

I believe my mid-life was based exclusively on the realization that my once bullet-proof attitude and ambitions were faulty. I learned that I will not be leaving the high mark on this place that I thought I would. I did not go buy a corvette and wig, but had some difficult realizations to process. I am 50 and it's OK.

 

[snikr]

I am 50 and it's OK.

I'm 53 and while it may be "OK" I don't act my age. I may be getting older but I REFUSE to grow up (just ask my wife about that). Now that the kids are out of the house the wife and I get lots of time to ride our FJR (my escape as well). Now all I have to figure out is where does all my vacation time go? :angry01:

 

[Jetmaker737]

The term "mid life crisis" is a misnomer...a relic of 1970's pop psychology and feminist attempts to degrade men. There is no "crisis" involved, no weakened state of duress with some pitiful longing to be young again. It's just that after many years with nose to the grindstone you look up and say "whoa...wtf?" You realize the whole career, competition, success crap you were fed through school and beyond is not serving all your needs. It ain't no crisis, and the only reason it happens to all men around the same time is because it takes about the same amount of time for a man to realize his head's been up his ass.

People say "oh, you got a motorcycle...you're having a mid life crisis" I say "No, I wanted a new motorcycle so I bought one". What is so fucking complicated about that?

 

[JimLor]

For me it's not a mid-life crisis, it OPPORTUNITY. Kids out of the house, no longer within the active duty Marine environment (while I miss it, it is kinda restrictive), and have some disposable income! Heck, I even grew a goatee on vacation two weeks ago (will shave it once the kids see it - unless they hate in which case I'll keep it!). You can't save up your life so you might as well use it!

 

[SpeedFreak]

In My Opinion it's that fact your have been taken for granted;

Being single upto age 25 I could do what I wanted when I wanted, buy what I wanted.

If I wanted to go blow 1,000.00 on something stupid I just had to answer to myself.

Now you get married. Now everything becomes a comprimise. "Can" I get this rather than "I'll just get this"".

So now you throw in four kids and everything becomes about them. So within 15 years you have gone from being number one in your life to number 6. However expectations on you have gone through the roof. Some how your suppossed to fix all issues that arise in the household. Teenage girls problems, wifes not being happy problems, dealing with teachers and coaches who can be rediculously unfair. Then let's not forget about your job. Working for corporate america where you are suppossed to say "Thank-You" for letting me work for you. I don't mind working 60-80 hours a week, I love it. I don't mind not being there for my kids when they need help for the little things (You know the things I can actually handle). But then when they get into more difficult situations I can't be home for that either because my boss has my head to the grindstone becasue HE has to get his next promotion.

And all the while no one ask's "How the hell are YOU doing? Is everthing alright with you?

So now you can't take it anymore so you react: You swing to the other guard rail and quit your job, make sure your home all the time, try to become a family member rather than an aquaintence. All the while thinking of what's coming next. What will "Life 2.0" bring?

Gee ya think I'm in the middle of one?

-=SF=-

 

[Geezer]

I turned 49 almost two years ago and realized that the end of my life was getting closer than the beginning. My response was to get my body into the best shape of my life so that I can use it for as many years as possible. I went from 295 pound to 175. I exercise often to keep my weight down and my heart pumping. Just want to have as much fun as I can for as long as I can.

It was a few years earlier that I realized that I would not accomplish some of the goals that I had set out for myself when I was younger. On the other hand, I have accomplished the most important goals, like being a good father, and realized that some of the others are not as important as I once thought.

Other than that, I find that I am more careful about doing things that hurt than I used to. That's probably because it hurts for longer than it used to. I don't think the new bike is as much of a mid-life thing as it is just that I was about due for a new bike.

 

[yanktar]

I just turned 50 in July...and we celebrated by staying up all night...

.

.

.

.

with the new baby we just adopted! :wub: :blink:

I figure I'm just about halfway through. My dad only made it to 87--but he smoked for 60 or 70 years of that. His mom died at 98...his grandmother died at 93--in the 1930's!

Things hurt more and longer now--and they get hurt easier. I've been nursing a sore knee that's screwed up my karate training for the last two months... h34r:

 

[KeithB]

I agree with Speedfreak. I had my midlife crisis at 25. When my insurance rates dropped by half, I realized I was no longer considered dangerous by society (I.E boring). For some reason, I had a problem with that. I started riding in earnest, going on at least one cross country trip every year. My two girls saw more of the country from the back of a bike by the time they were 12 than most of their peers had even heard about.

HOWEVER, now that I'm turning 50 this year, I realized that it isn't mid-life crisis at all. It's having to put all the things YOU wanted to do on the back burner while you're raising a family, getting ahead in your career, etc. Empty nest just happens to come about the time you are 50 and you have all this time and money. You also don't even know the person you're married to, either.

Now's the time to find out who you are as a person, not as a dad. You've long forgotten who you are, so you experiment. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Unless your spouse is ramping up in the same direction, it can mean trouble.

So, have fun but don't blow the checkbook too bad. You deserve it, it's your turn now to be selfish. That's the reward for having to be "the man" to growing teenagers and a wife who only views motorcycling as an inconvenient expense.

I better stop now before I really get on a rant......

 

[FJRSTAR]

Gee...you guys had to go "there".

I will read and hopefully learn from you.

I will not judge you.

Please do tell.

BTW, the FJR rocks... for sure... in so many ways.

 

[FJRocket]

My midlife crisis started when my Mother and next older Brother both died very early in life. I decided life was too short to let some of the things thrown at you get in the way of having YOUR way. I want to do some things that I want to do while I still can.

Life is short. Don't procrastinate on the good stuff.