More California humor

[Toecutter]

So not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your Governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

 

[E1Allen]

yeah, but you can lane split.... Which almost makes up for the rest of the garbage. Plus id move there if it wasn't going to sink into the ocean sometime here soon.

 

[Wingman]

yeah, but you can lane split.... Which almost makes up for the rest of the garbage. Plus id move there if it wasn't going to sink into the ocean sometime here soon.

Lane splitting in the other states is only illegal if they can catch you.

David

 

[Bearly Flying]

Soooo,,,, Toe,,,, Is Pot Legal ??????

Or is this the wrong time to ask ?????

 

[Toecutter]

Soooo,,,, Toe,,,, Is Pot Legal ??????

Lane splitting in the other states is only illegal if they can catch you.

Same concept applies.

 

[airboss]

And thats why us folks in the midwest call it the Granola State-- full of fruits and nuts, and flakier that hell.

Is pot legal there? could explain alot.

 

[donaldb]

Sorry TC................your still out done!

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a

pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going

to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like

money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65

goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000

cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly.

Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we

WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to

your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar?

It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a

religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless

of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or

you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,

vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!

Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you

eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served

over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how

to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the

Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it

spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,

Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a

love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come

for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So

don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't

music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your

boxers! Refer back to #1!

 

[Silent]

Plus id move there if it wasn't going to sink into the ocean sometime here soon.

I'm a firm believer that eventually, everything east of the San Andreas fault will fall into the ocean :assassin:

 

[Last Chance]

Toecutter, the really scary thing is, it's all true. :wacko: :confusedsmiley:

LC