redneck hunters

[bucky]

This may have already been around the block, but it is still funny to read:

Two rednecks are out hunting and as the are walking along through the woods, they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They carefully approach the huge opening and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that is some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?" The second hunter says, "I don't know either, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."

The first hunter says, "there's this old transmission here. Give me a hand and we'll throw it in the hole and see." So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in headfirst and disappear down the hole.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up and says, "Say there, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywheres, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat comes running out of the bushes doin' about a hundert miles an hour and jumps headfirst into this hole here!"

And the old farmer says, "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old transmission!"

 

[stellarsteve]

SLEEPING WITH HOSER

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Hoser,

because he snored so badly... They decided it wasn't fair to make one

of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Hoser and comes to breakfast the next

morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said,

"Man, what happened to you? He said, "Hoser snored so loudly, I

just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same

thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.. They said, "Man,

what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Hoser

shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a

man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man,

what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Hoser into

bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Hoser sat up

and watched me all night."

 

[old&slow]

OK ,,

Two rednecks are hunting ..

all of the sudden a shot rings out and his buddy gets hit and drops.

He grabs his cell phone and calls 911 and the tells the operator that someone

has shot and killed his buddy.

The operators asks , First, are you sure he's dead ?

There's pause and the operator hears a gun shot.

The guy gets back on the phone and saids ,, he's dead,, now what ??

 

[airboss]

Two Rednecks where out hunting, when one stepped over a log grabbed his crouch and fell down yelling Rattler!

The other quick dialed 911 and the operator got a medic on the line, after explaining about the snake bite the medic told him to take his knife and make a incision across the bite and suck the poison out.

Quickly ending the call he ran back to his buddy all excited, yelling don't worry I talked to a medic I know what to do................where did the rattler get you.

In the NUTS his buddy yelled NOW what did the medic say?

....................Welll. uh ...............................he said ..............................you gonna die.

 

[Patriot]

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.

But the hospital was in a real hurry to

get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”

The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and asked with some trepidation, “Well, bro, what did you name them?”

Whereupon, his brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”

The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?”

The brother winked and replied, “Denephew.”