THE LOVE STORY OF RALPH & EDNA

[odot]

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day...

While they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed

there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him... I am so sorry,... but he's dead."

Edna replied... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

"How soon can I go home?"

 

[Zorlac]

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around

the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum

speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich

short of a picnic the other resi dents tolerated her and some of them

actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a

door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!," he shouted in a

firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished in her

handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he

said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the

TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her

and>shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into

and her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.

Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final

corridor, and Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and

holding his manhood

in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer

Test again.!!!"

 

[Toecutter]

Bill got an unsettling call regarding his wife Janice's recent physical exam. The doctor explained that they had mixed up some test results and Janice either had HIV or Alzheimer's. Bill was perplexed, not being able to afford more tests, as they were retired and health care was a luxury item on their fixed income. The doctor suggested that Bill take Janice to the mall for some "shopping" then ditch her and come back home. "What good will that do?", asked Bill

"Well", the doctor said, "If she finds her way home without help from the police, don't have sex with her".

 

[NoCage]

This one is a bit off-color...

George and Martha were in their 80's, and in the same nursing home. They were "lovers" in a sense. This involved George placing his "friend" in Martha's hand... and she simply held it for a while. One day George told Martha that he had found someone else, Beatrice. Martha was upset and exclaimed, "What does she have that I don't have!?" His reply.... "Parkinson's."

I know, slap me.