The Old Rancher

HotRodZilla · Feb 26, 2016

Another one that was emailed to me...

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty- year- old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

Don't ever underestimate old guys

ionbeam · Feb 26, 2016

86 Year Old Man Visits The Doctor

The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"

The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large bear sitting at the water's edge. He realized he left his gun at home, and so, he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and yelled 'bang bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the bear fell dead."

"Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old replied, "logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that bear."

The doctor replied, "my point exactly."

Redfish Hunter · Feb 26, 2016

Or...

An 85 year old man went to his doctor for a check up. He informed the doctor that he was about to get married to a 24 year old exotic dancer.

His doctor was concerned and attempted to gently reason with the elderly gentleman. "You know that the honeymoon and the first year of marriage can be ah...physically demanding don't you? The sexual appetites of a young woman like that are pretty strong. And you are 85 years old."

"What are you trying to say Doc?" the old man asked.

"I am afraid that with her being 24 and you being 85 this marriage could prove to be fatal."

The old gentleman thought about it a moment and then said, "Well, if she dies, she dies. At least she will die happy."

SwollenRaccoon · Feb 26, 2016

Alright, it's Friday. I'll join in.

A guy (I'll give him a name to make it easier; Ned) is walking through a park, and sees a distraught old man sitting on a park bench, crying. Ned sits down and asks him, "What's the matter? Can I help you?"

The old man says "I'm 85 years old. I'm married to a beautiful 24 year old girl who works as a fashion model. She's gorgeous, and has a personality to match. She wakes me up in the morning, fixes me a fantastic breakfast, performs oral sex on me, and then goes to work. She comes home at lunch, makes love to me, then makes me a lunch, and tucks me in for a nap before she goes back to her modeling job. She comes home in the evening, prepares a delicious supper, then cuddles with me while we watch a movie. Then she makes love to me, and we fall asleep in each others arms. It's incredible."

Ned says, "My goodness, sir, that sounds like a dream come true. What can possible be the matter?"

The old man sobs, "I can't remember where I live!"