Two Cows

[puppychow]

TWO COWS

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

US VERSION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

GREEK VERSION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

FRENCH VERSION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

JAPANESE VERSON
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowasakimona and
market it worldwide.

ITALIAN VERSION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

SWISS VERSION
You have 5 gazillion cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE VERSION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN VERSION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

BRITISH VERSION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

IRAQI VERSION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you..it doesn't end well..

AUSTRALIAN VERSION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NEW ZEALAND VERSION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

 

[Geezer]

Speaking of cows. You can't make this stuff up:

https://www.dailyfreeman.com/general-news/20140222/herkimer-police-2-men-sexually-abused-cows-in-central-ny

 

[Aasland]

Would this be more accurate?

SOCIALISM (State owns means of production; progressive taxation)
The State has 2 cows.
It lets you milk them and sell the milk at a price high enough to guarantee a good standard of living, but only the rich can afford the milk so the State taxes them to subsidize milk for the poor.

COMMUNISM (State owns means of production; widespread corruption)
The State has 2 cows.
It lets you milk them, keeps the cream for the politicians and gives runoff to those waiting in line.

FASCISM (Private ownership of production; totalitarianism)
You have 2 cows.
The State tells you how to milk them, who you can sell the milk to, and for how much.

 

[bluesdog]

CANADIAN VERSION

You HAD two cows, but some drunk hunter thought they were deer and shot them, despite you having painted, 'COW' on both sides of each one…

 

[Bugnatr]

The boys down under always know how to have a good time.

 

[Surly]

AUSTRALIAN VERSION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

​I didn't even know I had one cow let alone two. Think I'll have another beer.
Cheers.

 

[ionbeam]

In New Hampshire you have two cows

and you can't drink enough beer to even try to milk them

 

[puppychow]

Is that a cow?

 

[Geezer]

Is that a cow?

I think that's a walking beefsteak. Scottish Highlander maybe.

 

[puppychow]

Speaking of cows. You can't make this stuff up:
https://www.dailyfreeman.com/general-news/20140222/herkimer-police-2-men-sexually-abused-cows-in-central-ny

Keep the Zoolanders out of NY?

 

[ionbeam]

Is that a cow?

I think that's a walking beefsteak. Scottish Highlander maybe.

Yes, indeedie, that is a cow. I edited out the mini-moo that was chasing the spigots around the field. And, our gourmet Geezer is correct, that is a Mrs. Scottish Highlaneder wearing sleek summer fur. You send your boy out to the field with a milk bucket, and a man comes home with it full

 

[Aasland]

MINNESOTAN VERSION:

You had two cows.

They froze to death.

You don't find the carcasses until the spring thaw.

In June.

 

[puppychow]

VENTURE CAPITALISM VERSION

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption

for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

The public then buys your bull.

 

[gregory]

Slightly off topic, but there is a cow in there. Just in case you were wondering where they came from

 

[wheatonFJR]

TWO COWS
SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then

throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy

grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

US VERSION
You have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to

produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

GREEK VERSION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.You still only have two cows.

FRENCH VERSION
You have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three

cows.

JAPANESE VERSON
You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce

twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowasakimona and

market it worldwide.

ITALIAN VERSION
You have two cows,but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

SWISS VERSION
You have 5 gazillion cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE VERSION
You have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN VERSION
You have two cows.You worship them.

BRITISH VERSION
You have two cows.Both are mad.

IRAQI VERSION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you..it doesn't end well..

AUSTRALIAN VERSION
You have two cows.Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

NEW ZEALAND VERSION
You have two cows.The one on the left looks very attractive...

Ran out of likes...this was damn funny!

 

[Fontanaman]

I like it. I don't think I can write what I am thinking without getting my tits in a wringer.

 

[Bungie]

CANADIAN VERSION
You HAD two cows, but some drunk hunter thought they were deer and shot them, despite you having painted, 'COW' on both sides of each one…

Hey, deer are tasty.

 

[majicmaker]

Latin Version:

You have two cows.

You sell one to get enough money to buy a lot of beer and have a Hugh BBQ Party with the other one.

 

[garyahouse]

Florida version:

You have two cows.

From May to October, you never see 'em because it's too hot and miserable to go out.

From November to April, everybody's at Disney, including the cows.

I heard they finally found themselves something to do...

Gary

darksider #44