Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life

gregory · Aug 21, 2017

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before ***.

However, after ***, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed
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SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."

But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his ***** and say, "Good job."

Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.
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FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the *******'s name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
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BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe ***.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Pterodactyl · Aug 21, 2017

Mick Jagger once confirmed in an interview that he had learned that yes indeed, it is true that money cannot buy happiness. He went on to say, however, that he found that there is a great deal of happiness for rent.