What do you tell your son when he wants to ride?

[FJR-RemingtonRider]

My 17yr old son has expressed a overwhelming desire to become a motorcyclist. He has seen me become seriously passionate about riding as well as my wife (his step mom) herself a mc rider.

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Initially I was apprehensive because I mean, the first thought is your firstborn, young, excitied, on a sportbike......well you get the picture. However I had to settle into the idea and begin to think from a non-parental perspective. Remembering a couple threads of rider's and their daughters/son's sharing a riding experience.

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So I began to think more of him and his personality. He is not a thrill seeking junkie teenager. He doesn't go find trouble, nor hang around troublesome groups. Doesn't get into trouble and really is a good kid for a modern teen; of course I wish he were more passionate about academics, but we are on the mc subject now.

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With all of that factored in, our conversations have been about safety,

Risk of riding on a MC, from the rider's skills and maturity and from those cages around you,

Being responsible and respecting the bike and it's power,

Riding gear and the importance of ATGATT,

Types of bikes to start on (Ninja 500),

and of course he is ready to sign up for the MC safety course next month.

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As I think I might have posted this concern before, the naysayers of family and such...

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My issue for ideas is: How do you handle the other family members who are not riders? They don't know yet, but it's coming.

Is there something I am missing in getting him started off right?

How do you get through the first initial thought of apprehension...it doesn't seem to want to go away.

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Dad who wants this to go right......

 

[user 213]

Keep in mind that this is your last shot to be involved. Another year and he can do it w/o any input from you. Allowing this now, and being part of the process allows you the advantage of being the older, wiser rider that's BTDT and he will probably listen to you. Shut him down and he'll just wait and then be much less likely to listen to your input.

Tell the relatives that you simply wanted to be a part of his learning process and this was a lot easier to do now. After spending some time under Dad's wing, he's more likely to become a better, safer rider, faster, than if he did it on his own.

edit - Once he's in the comfort zone, consider a track day. A learning course, not just a fun day. Worth every penny for a young rider.

 

[RenoJohn]

What could be a better bonding experience than moto-bike fun?

Not sure why you're worried about what relatives think ...Uhh, it ain't their kid.

Academic motivation?: Uhhh, maybe a n awesome moto-bike trip if grades are at an agreep upon level. Or as my parents did (I've had a bike since 6yrs old) bad grades = no bike.

The great thing about moto-bike fun is that it is not age or gender discriminatory, and if you love bikes, and you love your son --damn would could possibly be better than ya'll sharin' that love. I bet you two will learn much about each other than would have not happened without the wonderful fun of moto-bike.

BTW: if possible, get him a dirt bike and have him spend some time on that before hitting the streets. Dirt is more fun, and dirt bike riders take to street very well, the opposite is not so true.

 

[Silver Penguin]

Sounds as though you're on the right track. Getting him enrolled in an MSF class is a huge step towards success, then having him ride with you for a while. Do as I do (and make sure that you model the style of riding you expect from him, including ATGATT).

I can remember clearly, the morning of my 16th birthday when my freshly minted permit became valid. I got up at 0'Dark thirty and put on all my gear, getting ready to creep out of the house quietly. Then I saw Dad getting his gear on too. He followed me for a good hour or so. I knew the kind of riding that was expected of me. Had to be home by 8am to exchange motorcycle for bicycle, to go to school. Since then, we've had many good talks about motorcycling. His love of riding is probably the greatest gift he gave to me.

For my return to riding, a few years ago, I took the MSF course as a refresher. My 16yr old son took the class along with me. It was a wonderful experience that we both enjoyed. Not many Mommy-and-me riders out there! After getting his license, he looked at the delicious selection of bikes in the garage and was very disappointed at the one he was allowed to ride. In Mom and Dad's eyes, only one of our bikes was suitable for a beginner. Since our son wasn't willing/able to buy his own bike, he chose not to ride, which was fine with us.

As for dealing with friends and family who don't get it, good luck. We all know the prejudice that is out there. You can only convince them so far. We all realize that riding is inherently risky but those risks can be mitigated by actions taken on our part. It's not difficult to always ride sober, and always wear the gear.

Once your boy has some miles under his belt, I love the suggestion of a track day with instruction. What a great day our for you to enjoy together with some useful learning thrown in. One of my friends who regularly rides on the track says that she will not ride overly fast on the street anymore, in the twisties because of the things that she has learned in track school.

 

[wheatonFJR]

If it's what he wants do do, then he's gonna do it eventually whether you want him to or not. I know that's what the deal was for me growing up.

Whether you have great bonding times or not...which COULD be the case, use your knowledge of the facts of motorcycling, gear, whatever to help him have a better chance of surviving out there. Keep him from being complacent, because they all think at that age that they will never die...as we did when we were that age.

As far as what others think, who cares? If he never gets hurt, what does it matter? If he does get hurt, the LAST thing on your mind is gonna be what somebody else thinks...all your thoughts will be on him.

My 18yo son David just got his bike. He takes it to school and to work. He hasn't been on the road a month, and he's already giving me stories of people pulling out in front of him, one clown blew a 4-way stop on his right at 40mph and almost took him out. So there's stuff out there that's gonna be facing him...but that's gonna be the case whether he's in a car, walking, at college, at the ***** bar, at church on Sunday morning. It's just there.

So you do your best, and hope for the best. Then let that boy go out into the world...

 

[reecebike]

Some of the best times Ive ever had was my son and I taking bike trips together!!!!! Now he is in the army now I worry !!!!

 

[SacramentoMike]

This is a tough one. We all survived that learning curve, but we know enough to be scared by it for our kids. But we did it, and if he wants to, maybe he should get the same chance? My son's 15 and he's also interested. My daughter took the course a while back and got licensed, but doesn't have a bike, and she doesn't get to ride the FJR. No beginner should.

Mark, the owner and designer/manufacturer of CalSci windshields (and other products) has a very good website with a lot of good insights about motorbikes--riding them, buying them, maintaining them--not just windshield matters. Here's a very interesting page from his site, called "the Best Bikes for Beginners." Definitely worth a look, and read the text too. He makes some GREAT points.

By the way, I'm with RJ on the dirt bike idea. Lighter, more able to handle a drop, and a lot of fun. I'd just say make it a dual sport, so he could take it on the road legally as skill develops. Some good ones on Mark's list, too. Good luck.

 

[happyPuppy]

It is a tough one. My one son that likes bikes had a mini Bike at 8 and was zipping around the 5 acres in the dirt on a 250 at 12 I had. He wants to ride on the street now and is 19. I at this point can only advise him. I told him at 16 he needed at least 2 years of seat time in a car before a bike to learn about the road and other drivers. He did that, and now I have suggested a dirt school that is fun, due to all the fire roads and such and then Ninja 500 if he wants for street. The insurance is a killer , but for some odd reason in WA it is not needed. I tried to set a good example for him so I think he gets it about gear and such and he has seen me go under the knife do to a get off, so he is respectful of bikes. I must admit it still worries me.

 

[madmike2]

I don't have a son and my daughter doesn't want to ride, so I don't have a dog in this hunt. Of course, that has never stopped me from offering an opinion on any other subject.......

As a parent you are going to have thousands of things to fear or care about concerning your child. My vote is to be the best mentor-coach-encourager you can be and share the joys and freedom in your future. Since your wife (his step-mom) likes to ride, what great weekend trips you can have AND what great stories he'll have with which to regale his friends on Monday at school.

I'm in agreement with RenoJohn...he's your child and you are the one responsible (unless he lives with his mother, in which case the drama will get "thick"). They are merely spectators or interested bystanders and cannot know him as intimately as you.

 

[Bugnatr]

Anywhere nearby where can start with a dualsport bike? I know it's easy as a Dad to worry but the dirt is the best place to learn to ride. My 19 year old son and I are riding the woods on Sunday- good stuff!

 

[C&C]

There are few things in life that can transends age as well as motorcycling (fishing/hunting, etc. also come to mind but motorcycling is right up there at the top). This is a great opportunity to grow with your son while still leaving him room to grow on his own.

 

[Checkswrecks]

Background: My son has been riding for almost a year and is now 20, finishing his second year of college, and the wife is a nurse who's seen too many kids as patients. So from there...

We're blessed with a smart kid who usually listens. Tim grew up watching me twiddle with the slow stream of bikes that I've had and has always been interested. But knowing the wife's view, he and I never pushed it beyond him as a passenger after we had a p.o.s. dirtbike one summer. (The wife was ok with off-road, then he locked up the engine.)

Last summer, he came home from college, saw that I'd picked up an old KLR, and told my wife that he wanted to learn to ride. She was NOT a happy camper and refused. Obviously, it was my fault. :glare: He let it lie for a day or two, then told her he was going to learn, it was just a matter of now or after college. I stayed as far from this conversation as possible, unless one of them asked me a direct question! The one point I kept at was that he would need to go to a MSF class and ride the rest of the year with me. (I had power of owning the KLR key.) He kept on the "now or after college" track and she grudgingly gave in, if he would agree to my terms.

We've had a blast! He's 6'3" and fits the KLR perfectly. Oh - My other condition was ATGATT and had everything, but the one thing we did need to buy was a pair of Draggin' Jeans. I looked into various people doing msf classes and rejected several. Tim took it from a motor-cop who does small-group MSF classes and was in a class of 4. When he got his learner permit, we'd go on easy rides with him following me, then later leading. When we'd take a break I'd tell him what I was seeing. After my rides home from working in DC, I'd constantly tell him about the bonehead of the day, but never with the wife around. This was to keep hammering at him that other people just don't see us. We did a couple of group rides so he could see other styles. Yes, I emailed him a few ugly road-rash pix. When we'd see somebody do something squidly, we'd talk about attitude and self-discipline. Sounds like it won't work with your son, but when Tim got interested in sport-bikes, I pointed out some other too-big guys on sport bikes (he's not fat, but I'd point to some who were both tall & could lose a few pounds) and then took a couple of photos of him on them at the bike show from angles that weren't flattering. Vanity means everything at that age and nobody said I had to play fair!

He finally got to ride with his buddy, who has a Sportster and I have to say that I was nervous. Fortunately, his buddy rides pretty conservative. When Tim comes home from a ride, I make it a point to discuss how it went and I really try to listen and ask questions, more than to talk & tell. Even now, I keep our speeds down to try to get him some good experience before he is out for adrenaline highs that I'm sure will come. Keep it to your rules, keep hammering on the need for self-discipline, and try to bend what he wants through questions. I'm dreading the inevitable day when he tosses the KLR, but we all drop sooner or later.

OK, so I've gone on too long but the months of riding together worked. We've each got a riding buddy and the wife and I are a LOT less anxious than if he'd gone off and learned on his own.

Good luck Dad.

 

[James Burleigh]

Background: My son has been riding for almost a year and is now 20, finishing his second year of college, and the wife is a nurse who's seen too many kids as patients. So from there...

Howdy, Bob. Great post. I remember you told me about your son's learning to ride over lunch the other day. I don't know if he's into book learning, but I'd recommend everything by David Hough, including Street Strategies on the back of the toilet. And Pat Hahn's Ride Hard Hard Smart is GREAT! In there he talks about the three degrees of separation to keep yourself safe: 1, good strategies, 2, good skills, 3, good gear.

If my sons want to ride, I will do everything you are doing for your son (he's lucky to have you), but one thing I'd also hammer home is that you may have good strategies for anticipating traffic hazards, and you may have great skills to avoid accidents, and you may wear all the best gear, but sometimes the one thing that's hardest to control and can put you into a dangerous situation is the decisions you make. And sometimes those decisions are fueled by pride. So keeping your ego in check is an important skill, whether trying to keep up with your buddy or mixing it up with some guy who cut you off or something. Stay cool and focused and remember your prime directive: Get home after the ride, step off the bike, and say, "That was a good ride."

 

[JR'SFJR]

When my son was about 12, we started doing tours out west on my old 750 Yamaha. One was from WI, to Seattle, LA, and home in 3 wks. We camped along the way and have wonderful memories. I knew it was coming, so when he turned 16, guess what!!! He took his written for his permit. He already had experience with a small dirty bike and bmx, but the 750 was a little larger. We found a parking lot to practice quick stops and continued from there.

He had a lot of seat time behind me, so I wrote up about 4 pages of advice from our-my riding experiences, that you would probably get in a riding course today. Let them know the dangers and what they can do defensively to be safer and try to stay alive. He purchased a 400cc twin for his college years and has had a BMW K100RS for the last 15 years without any problems. Shortly after college, we met in Colorado, and rode together, which was really neat. He now lives in Colorado and rode-camped with him again last summer. Plan to do the same this summer. Good stuff.

 

[BobbyBlue]

Good on ya for asking here ! My Dad believed in the Darwinian theory of motorbiking....in 6 months you'll be good..or done by default, fault..or... I survived but I raised my son, now 25 with a Harley road glide of his own, on a dirt bike. I also spent 5 years in the dirt as a squirt...try on a dual sport at least...and pray cuz it is dangerous out there ! Good luck and stay on the dirt first...great skills to be had there !

Blessings ,

Bobby

 

[CAJW]

I usually get long winded on subjects like this so here's the Reader's Digest version of how my boys both learned:

1. Dual sport (learn in dirt, MSF Dirt school if available in your area [Learn how to correct for rear slide and front end washout] , transition to gravel roads, then paved back roads. I used Collett two way radios in the dirt, good way to point out lines and warn of problems ahead.

2. MSF Basic Riders Course

3. Track school (not a free for all track day), a structured school with instructors and emphasis on cornering IMHO, Keith Code has a great one.

4. Stay off the freeways for as long as feasible.

5. Enjoy the additional bonding that goes along with this great chapter in both of your lives!

 

[FJR-RemingtonRider]

Thanks guys, truly some terrific advise and testimonies. I know there are more to come.

I had not thought about the dirt bike prelim skills building....I think I am gonna try and steer him towards a dual-sport, so he can ride tall and keep his head up. Some dirt courses around here, but bike trails are quite a bit away..seeing how I don't have a dirt background; I would be hard pressed in helping him from that angle.

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A track day course is definitely in both our futures. That is an awesome idea. Something we can do together in learning advanced skills.

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Checkwrecks, definitely captured the atmosphere with what's to come with his mom when she finds out. However, a sound philosophy I subscribe to is that; it is my duty and honor to prepare him for adulthood as a man....I suppose this will be just another moment for me to do just that.

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Really appreciate the advice and testimonies...encouraging.

 

[Wee Willy]

Background: My son has been riding for almost a year and is now 20, finishing his second year of college, and the wife is a nurse who's seen too many kids as patients. So from there...

Great approach CW. I believe the hardest thing to get across to the newbie will be an appreciation of the real level of risk assumed by a new rider. This can be especially difficult with teenage boys. That message delivered with care (as depicted here) and reinforcement will cause most of the wisdom to stick. Successful interpretation of the lessons will also need some basis in experience. CW has built the experience base with careful tutelage of his charge and that will work for most though not all (need a good relationship along with suitable "learner's" aptitude/attitude). At some point, though, school's out and the real world will now fill in the rest of the details. A huge dose of common sense now makes the difference between a seasoned and mature rider and a less desirable outcome.

I find the liberal application of common sense coupled with a well-developed ability to read upcoming traffic patterns as they develop to be the best defense on the road. These form two pillars of riding wisdom for the newbie. Add to these the third pillar of mastery of the mechanics of riding. With a healthy dose of all three you'll put a capable rider on the road. Total mastery comes with time in the saddle experiencing success, along with some failures, across the full spectrum of situations a rider can experience: from fast sweepers entered too hot to that slick spot of gasoline on the cement at the gas pump and all that lies in between. Some of these will just have to be experienced to learn what works.

So you CAN greatly influence the development of a new rider and doing so will greatly increase the probability of a long and successful career on two wheels. Good luck with it. The rewards are definitely worth the risk as all here can attest.

Cheers,

W2

 

[HaulinAshe]

My Dad told me, "The day you think you have the motorcycle mastered, sell it! Because it's about to kill you." Feel free to pass that along to your son.

Definitely get him on dirt if at all possible. He'll learn how to handle a bike in weird attitudes, what to do when the surfaces aren't pristine, and how to make quick judgements about changing his line to avoid obstacles. The mental and physical training on dirt directly translates to street.