Vstar2FJR
Well-known member
Ran across this on Delphi, thought it was too good to pass up, especially with this group.
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing.. This vicious rumor was started by a group of former employees of logging companies trying to get work for their families
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. So was this one.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. Which gives proof there is reincarnation, but you came back as sick as you left, so why bother
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program. AOL is sooooooooooooo special, isn’t it
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I wished for rats that don’t poop on cans or envelopes, they said the paper towel industry was first and as soon as they say it is ok, my wish will be granted
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. They are actually very nice mutant chickens, and some of the featherless ones have gone into PR work and news broadcasting
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I also do not exercise, even on cold days.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. Due to an increase in prayer at finals test time, that has been changed to 12 friends, some of whom must be in Nigeria, and you have 3.6 seconds to send it.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. Why do you think I drink it, it saves me work
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I also take an armed security guard along so I am not mugged for having enough money to fill my car
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. The beer companies have taken a stand on this, they wrote “Under God when sober, under the table when drunk” on their cans
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I use the cheap stuff that only gives headaches and sore feet, I can’t afford cancer
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. Like I have a life if I am reading this far, but please continue, it gets better
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. What’s a “pay phone”, is that a new model of Cricket or something
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. That is why I fill up before I go to the mall, and since I smell like a water buffalo, many people want to spray me
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I only accept things from USPS, which are god old American CIA spies still looking for John Kennedy’s killers
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. But they have better gas prices than Wal-Mart or Sams club
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to wherever. I refer them to pay phones, whatever those are
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. They are being delayed while the USPS installs listening devices, just in case I know who killed JFK
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I just look like I am going in and they throw them at me, I smell like a water buffalo, a VERRRRY large one now.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt. Brown African killer spiders are afraid of water buffalo, so I go to the toilet after I exercise at a public gym
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. They only try that if they are upwind, and I have a of 5 dollar bills
Oh, and I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! I drive a Russian car, so I can get it from the atheists at target for cheap
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... does she do nails
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
Those with a little less capacity and fewer friends visit porn sites, and still only need one hand for the mouse, amazing, eh.
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing.. This vicious rumor was started by a group of former employees of logging companies trying to get work for their families
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. So was this one.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. Which gives proof there is reincarnation, but you came back as sick as you left, so why bother
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program. AOL is sooooooooooooo special, isn’t it
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I wished for rats that don’t poop on cans or envelopes, they said the paper towel industry was first and as soon as they say it is ok, my wish will be granted
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. They are actually very nice mutant chickens, and some of the featherless ones have gone into PR work and news broadcasting
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I also do not exercise, even on cold days.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. Due to an increase in prayer at finals test time, that has been changed to 12 friends, some of whom must be in Nigeria, and you have 3.6 seconds to send it.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. Why do you think I drink it, it saves me work
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I also take an armed security guard along so I am not mugged for having enough money to fill my car
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. The beer companies have taken a stand on this, they wrote “Under God when sober, under the table when drunk” on their cans
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I use the cheap stuff that only gives headaches and sore feet, I can’t afford cancer
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. Like I have a life if I am reading this far, but please continue, it gets better
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. What’s a “pay phone”, is that a new model of Cricket or something
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. That is why I fill up before I go to the mall, and since I smell like a water buffalo, many people want to spray me
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I only accept things from USPS, which are god old American CIA spies still looking for John Kennedy’s killers
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. But they have better gas prices than Wal-Mart or Sams club
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to wherever. I refer them to pay phones, whatever those are
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. They are being delayed while the USPS installs listening devices, just in case I know who killed JFK
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I just look like I am going in and they throw them at me, I smell like a water buffalo, a VERRRRY large one now.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt. Brown African killer spiders are afraid of water buffalo, so I go to the toilet after I exercise at a public gym
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. They only try that if they are upwind, and I have a of 5 dollar bills
Oh, and I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! I drive a Russian car, so I can get it from the atheists at target for cheap
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... does she do nails
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
Those with a little less capacity and fewer friends visit porn sites, and still only need one hand for the mouse, amazing, eh.
