Metric
Well-known member
I hope this hasn't been around the globe 5 times already. If it has, its the first time I've ever seen it. Its to funny not to share!!
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, |
| feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The |
| first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since |
| they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear |
| of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and |
| sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 |
| feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it |
| and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and |
| transport it home. |
| |
| |
| I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The |
| cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They |
| were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up...3 |
| of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of |
| the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at |
| me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would |
| have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you |
| could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I |
| took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on |
| the rope and received an education. |
| |
| The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand |
| there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to |
| action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. |
| |
| The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT |
| stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I |
| could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That |
| thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling |
| it and certainly no getting close to it. As it ****** me off my feet |
| and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that |
| having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally |
| imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as |
| many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as |
| quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It |
| took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by |
| the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. |
| |
| At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted |
| to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I |
| just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely |
| die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all |
| between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would |
| venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my |
| head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the |
| deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it |
| dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to |
| recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount |
| of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the |
| deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to |
| back in between my truck and the feeder...a little trap I had set |
| beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and |
| started moving up so I could get my rope back. |
| |
| Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would |
| have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised |
| when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of |
| my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a |
| horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and |
| shakes its head...almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. |
| The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and |
| draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was |
| ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several |
| minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than |
| a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. |
| While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached |
| up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. |
| |
| That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer |
| will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their |
| back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their |
| hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an |
| animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get |
| away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make |
| an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to |
| back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a |
| deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a |
| millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and |
| tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to |
| turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good |
| chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so |
| different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and |
| three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me |
| right in the back of the head and knocked me down. |
| |
| Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately |
| leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What |
| they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you |
| are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I |
| finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. |
| |
| Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split |
| open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good |
| and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back |
| was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had |
| protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest |
| place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood |
| and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me |
| through the window and came running out yelling "what happened" |
| |
| I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an |
| individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they |
| have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law |
| enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned |
| that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions |
| as criminal. I swear....not wanting to admit that I had done something |
| monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was |
| attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on |
| it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my |
| jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my |
| face where it had struck me there. |
| |
| I asked him to call somebody to come get me...I didn't think I could |
| make it home on my own. He did. |
| |
| Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to |
| know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing |
| and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe |
| the attack as completely and accurately as I could...I was filling the |
| grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking |
| the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or |
| something. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the |
| guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged |
| their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local |
| ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told |
| several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see |
| these people every day and as an outsider...a "city folk"...I have |
| enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and |
| whispering "there is the ***** that tried to rope the deer." |
| |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, |
| feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The |
| first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since |
| they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear |
| of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and |
| sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 |
| feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it |
| and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and |
| transport it home. |
| |
| |
| I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The |
| cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They |
| were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up...3 |
| of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of |
| the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at |
| me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would |
| have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you |
| could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I |
| took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on |
| the rope and received an education. |
| |
| The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand |
| there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to |
| action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. |
| |
| The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT |
| stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I |
| could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That |
| thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling |
| it and certainly no getting close to it. As it ****** me off my feet |
| and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that |
| having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally |
| imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as |
| many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as |
| quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It |
| took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by |
| the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. |
| |
| At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted |
| to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I |
| just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely |
| die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all |
| between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would |
| venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my |
| head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the |
| deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it |
| dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to |
| recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount |
| of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the |
| deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to |
| back in between my truck and the feeder...a little trap I had set |
| beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and |
| started moving up so I could get my rope back. |
| |
| Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would |
| have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised |
| when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of |
| my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a |
| horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and |
| shakes its head...almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. |
| The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and |
| draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was |
| ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several |
| minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than |
| a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. |
| While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached |
| up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. |
| |
| That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer |
| will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their |
| back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their |
| hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an |
| animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get |
| away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make |
| an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to |
| back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a |
| deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a |
| millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and |
| tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to |
| turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good |
| chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so |
| different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and |
| three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me |
| right in the back of the head and knocked me down. |
| |
| Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately |
| leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What |
| they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you |
| are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I |
| finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. |
| |
| Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split |
| open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good |
| and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back |
| was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had |
| protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest |
| place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood |
| and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me |
| through the window and came running out yelling "what happened" |
| |
| I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an |
| individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they |
| have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law |
| enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned |
| that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions |
| as criminal. I swear....not wanting to admit that I had done something |
| monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was |
| attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on |
| it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my |
| jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my |
| face where it had struck me there. |
| |
| I asked him to call somebody to come get me...I didn't think I could |
| make it home on my own. He did. |
| |
| Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to |
| know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing |
| and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe |
| the attack as completely and accurately as I could...I was filling the |
| grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking |
| the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or |
| something. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the |
| guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged |
| their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local |
| ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told |
| several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see |
| these people every day and as an outsider...a "city folk"...I have |
| enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and |
| whispering "there is the ***** that tried to rope the deer." |
| |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
