Phil's scrotum............................?

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Donal

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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband Phil had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced. "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible
pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is "Sternum."
 
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As Moe Sleazak likes to say, "I am an immigant". And thus, I sometimes screw up the way I pronounce words, having only read them, not heard them used by merrycans.

So ... in high school, in Public Speaking, for our technical speech, I chose to explain volts, ohms, and impedance.

The speech went well, and they were filming it so we can learn from our mistakes.

My mistake was in how I pronounced "impedance". I now know that it is "impeeeedans" not "impohdenz" ... which the instructor pointed out, sounds like a problem males have with thier sperm....

 
The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is."

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!"

 
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