To Kill A Mockingbird

twowheelnut · Jun 9, 2006

I'm dyin' here...

For the last month, a mockingbird has taken up residence in a nearby tree. This mofo starts his nocturnal repertoire of annoying, avian din right around 2 AM and continues until dusk. Now, for those of you not familiar with the vocal range of a mocking bird, let me assure you that it is quite diverse as well as freakin' loud! (Clicky for a sample, Click on 'Song' and 'Call' on left.) We keep the duo-pane doors and windows shut, which sucks cause it robs us of fresh air and there is no air conditioning as it is rare for temps to exceed 80 degrees here. To add to my sleeplessness, lately, the blue jays have become equally annoyed at this feathered piece of **** and are now chasing it around and squawking just as loud and constant!

Mind you, I live in the land of tree huggers and PETA kooks, not to mention living 1/2 mile from a nature/bird preserve, so guns, traps and poisons are out. City animal control consists of one lady, who also is the town parking meter lady, so that's out. I'd put in an air canon, but the association would frown upon that action. And the plastic spinny owl installed to fend off the mourning doves and their pooping ways doubles as an alternate roost for this *******! I've even gone out at night with the water hose and kicked the base of 'his' tree in a vain attempt at ceasing his annoying cacophony - fruitless, to say the least.

I need sleep (drugs and booze ain't the answer, I tried :blink: ), so I hope some of you can offer some suggestions...

Oh, and Mike-H? Don't go there, k?

Fallen Jim Rides again · Jun 9, 2006

Since you're not in Texas, use a 20 gauge with 8 1/2 shot.

Laugh maniacally afterwards.

That'll work.

Of course since guns are out you'll have to throw the shot. Mocking birds are a pain in the ass. FWIW he will quit in a couple of weeks.

OR, you could get an air rifle. Since you're not in Texas.

ionbeam · Jun 9, 2006

While wearing this:

Go out to the Tree of Torment with this laser sighted gem:

Having on hand a large supply of these:

If nobody sees you in the dark, it never happened.

B)

Oh damn. Sticky stuff. Go to a feed and grain and get some sticky goo normally used to trap moths on apple trees during bloom. Wicked nasty icky sticky stuff. Smear liberally, using a long pole, as required.

Option 1 -- > you will go out and find the bird stuck to the tree, remove and dispose(!)

Option 2 -- > Avian Pavarotti will be discouraged by the sticky stuff.

Edited to add: Tanglefoot makes the goo called Tangle-Trap Insect Trap Coating. It is organic, intended for orchards. While Moly-60 may be on hand and might work the Tangle-Trap is amazing.

JimLor · Jun 9, 2006

You might try and look up what that old gardner Jerry Baker has to say. Does "natural" stuff like saving your pee and spreading it around to discourage bugs and critters. Might try double sidded tacks where he normally roosts - then pee on him when he's stuck!!

Geezer · Jun 9, 2006

Pellet gun. Silent and effective out to 15 yards or more. Birds are pretty fragile and it doesn't take much to get rid of a pesky one.

Or, since you might be a law abiding sort of fellow, you might try a plastic owl.

Mike-H · Jun 9, 2006

twowheelnut said:
I'm dyin' here...
For the last month, a mockingbird has taken up residence in a nearby tree. This mofo starts his nocturnal repertoire of annoying, avian din right around 2 AM and continues until dusk. Now, for those of you not familiar with the vocal range of a mocking bird, let me assure you that it is quite diverse as well as freakin' loud! (Clicky for a sample, Click on 'Song' and 'Call' on left.) We keep the duo-pane doors and windows shut, which sucks cause it robs us of fresh air and there is no air conditioning as it is rare for temps to exceed 80 degrees here. To add to my sleeplessness, lately, the blue jays have become equally annoyed at this feathered piece of **** and are now chasing it around and squawking just as loud and constant!

Mind you, I live in the land of tree huggers and PETA kooks, not to mention living 1/2 mile from a nature/bird preserve, so guns, traps and poisons are out. City animal control consists of one lady, who also is the town parking meter lady, so that's out. I'd put in an air canon, but the association would frown upon that action. And the plastic spinny owl installed to fend off the mourning doves and their pooping ways doubles as an alternate roost for this *******! I've even gone out at night with the water hose and kicked the base of 'his' tree in a vain attempt at ceasing his annoying cacophony - fruitless, to say the least.

I need sleep (drugs and booze ain't the answer, I tried :blink: ), so I hope some of you can offer some suggestions...

Oh, and Mike-H? Don't go there, k?

Go where (not sure what your devious & demented mind is thinking)....I thought you'd like the present I sent you (Toronto Blue jays...get it)

....paybacks a bitch....seriously....night vision goggles & crossbow are a very nice combination

....(looking forward to WFO)

radman · Jun 9, 2006

Try a blow up of my avatar. Once the birds gone, the babes will begin flocking.

Groo · Jun 9, 2006

I'd go with the night vision and laser guided slingshot... :thumbsup:

Woodstock · Jun 9, 2006

They taste like chicken.

Wyosteve · Jun 9, 2006

I can see the headline now. Man falls out of tree while taking a leak!

Windjammer · Jun 9, 2006

The night vis and xbow are certainly nice, but spendy.

My Gramma used bottle rockets, whistlers with report. She had problems with Whipporwills, but they didn't care for the bottle rockets and left. Didn't take very many, either.

Kinda noisy, tho. Personally, I'd poison the little SOB, but each to his own.

evil_henchman · Jun 9, 2006

I have a Beeman Webley Hurricane all tricked out with a scope and all. Webley

It's way quieter than any "pump up" type air gun and as accurate as anything I own. I had the same problem with Jays and magpies that you're having. Note I said had. More challenging than not alerting your neighbors to your activities (that's easy) is outsmarting the two birds with the highest brain to body ratios in the animal kingdom. They see you with a gun and they're gone or worse, just out range and swaking **** at you. I had a sliding glass door to the back yard. I would put out a bowl of colorful cat food out which the birds would raid. Unless they saw me, like I said they're smart. I would have to have to hide behind the couch with a clear shot out the door to the area of the bowl. The damn things would actually make test runs prior to landing just to draw me out! Make sure to put the bait somewhere the birds can see it but your neighbors can't. Shooting from inside the house does two things. one, you're a lot harder to spot from outside and two, what little noise that gun makes doesn't get outside at all. Did I mention they're really really smart? Once they see one or two of their buddies get whacked they'll move out. Trust me. Happy hunting!

Thug · Jun 9, 2006

Boiling water via hose at night (0200hrs)

Or hit it with a big stick!

Fencer · Jun 9, 2006

Place a large owl statue or other predatory bird plastic look alike in the tree avail at a good nursery. or fireworks

Toecutter · Jun 10, 2006

[SIZE=14pt]This happened to me! [/SIZE]

Some years back, I had the same problem in the summertime early morning hours. After a couple of nights I was getting delusional from sleep deprivation. Living in the country at the time allowed me certain latitude in dealing with the problem. I lived on a highway (180, some of you rode past my old place on last year's Sequoia ride), but the house was set back about a hundred feet from the road.

It was a very dark and warm night, so I snuck outside, butt naked, with a Maglight in one hand and a Remington 870 in both.

The plan was working beautifully, up until I crept a little too quickly into the range of the twin 300 watt motion detector light.

Doh!

As I recall, I touched off a round in the general direction of the M-bird and scampered back to the bedroom before some lone car went by and got an unpleasant surprise.

I think the bird was scared away, but not sure if it was the blast or the visual :lol:

Hey TWN, have you added earplugs to the equation? It works for me. We now live in the heart of civilization, but our backyard is full of trees and the Mourning Doves right outside our window start in about 5 am.

Bananas · Jun 10, 2006

TWN,

I've had a problem with squirrels eating all of the fruit off of my trees. Little *******s would do it just before it was time to harvest. I went out and bought a 1200 fps Winchester pellet gun with a 36x scope with zoom. After zeroing the scope in, I have a nearly 100% first round kill ratio at 75 feet.

The gun is relatively quiet. Total cost $130.

Bananas!

wallypiper · Jun 10, 2006

I'm having a rabbit invasion. Sometimes I see 4 or 5 or 6 at once (some obvious young ones included) when I go out in the yard or come home. I don't live in the country. I live in a typical old suburban neighborhood although I do have a bunch of wooded land around 3 sides of my house.

Kind of cute at first but the quick growth in the population is starting to make me a little nervous. I don't have a garden or anything but it just seems like a lot of rabbits. :scare:

twowheelnut · Jun 10, 2006

Thanks, guys, but I can't use guns of any sort. Poisons, and traps will raise the hackles of the PETA freaks. And the owl is the ****'s best friend. I guess I'll have to keep my head under the pillow and wait out the mating season for this little pecker...

If you see on your local news about some crazy ****, shooting up the trees in Carpinteria, you'll know who it was. Stop by the funny farm and say, 'hey' every now and again, k?

evil_henchman · Jun 10, 2006

Thanks, guys, but I can't use guns of any sort

One axe wielding murder spree and they brand you a felon for life. It's just not fair. <_<

To Kill A Mockingbird

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