Decision Pending

[Cejay]

I have spent the whole night and morning trying to decide why I am so unsettled. My wife left for work this morning with my words ringing in her ears...

"I think I am going to give up the job I recently started and go for a ride"

"Where to and when?"

"Don't really know, just feel I have to go, load up the FJR and roll!"

I have only recently returned from a 4K plus trip and am itchy to hit the road again, missus is starting to feel unwanted despite my attempts to reassure her. Its just about the ride, I know that as time marches on I am only going to regret it if I don't go but I have to weigh up the pros and cons before embarking on another journey.

It is with a heavy heart I reach out to my motorcycle riding brethren and request some advice from those more knowledgeable....

 

[TheAxeman]

The silence is almost deafening.....

I know exactly how you feel. If:

I didn't own the business.

Didn't have a significant other.

Didn't have a dog who is like a child.

Didn't have an aging parent who needs me.

etc., etc., etc....I would be outta here.

Hope you work your conflicted feelings out, its never easy.

 

[SPORT]

I have spent the whole night and morning trying to decide why I am so unsettled. My wife left for work this morning with my words ringing in her ears..."I think I am going to give up the job I recently started and go for a ride"

"Where to and when?"

"Don't really know, just feel I have to go, load up the FJR and roll!"

I have only recently returned from a 4K plus trip and am itchy to hit the road again, missus is starting to feel unwanted despite my attempts to reassure her. Its just about the ride, I know that as time marches on I am only going to regret it if I don't go but I have to weigh up the pros and cons before embarking on another journey.

It is with a heavy heart I reach out to my motorcycle riding brethren and request some advice from those more knowledgeable....

Wow! That's a tough choice. I have felt similar pangs that seem to grow through the summer but never disapate through the winter months (Live in PA). Neverthless, my reasons for not going are directly linked to two children (10-12) and a wife. I'm a teacher and have summers off. I am hoping to take a 10 day trip to Sturgis this summer (not during Sturgis Bike Week), but find my fatherly duties get in the way. There have been a number of times I've come close to just saying "The Hell with it" and just go.

I guess I'd ask myself, what will life be like when you return? Will anything change (oustside your inner self)? Will you have a job, be able to find a descent paying job, or are in at a place in life where it doesn't matter? And your S.O., can you re-assure her that you need a break but WILL be back (and probably better) when you return?

If you can confidently answer these questions and not have any regrets; then I'd say go for it!.

just my little $0.02 worth.

 

[markjenn]

The transition time just before leaving for a big trip and just returning is always tough for me. When leaving, I feel a little guilty for taking the time away from family/work and the preparations are always annoying - I often feel the day before a trip that if I could snap my fingers and make it go away, I would. When returning, I miss the simplicity of the road and the feeling of living a little closer to the edge - life seems awfully pedestrian and mundane.

In both cases, I just understand that these feelings are par for the course and they'll pass. For me at least, I need trips to relieve the boredom of life and I need a home life to come back to. Both are required and the transitions between are jus things you go through which can be a little tough at times, like kids leaving home or attending a funeral.

- Mark

 

[Ari Rankum]

I have spent the whole night and morning trying to decide why I am so unsettled. My wife left for work this morning with my words ringing in her ears..."I think I am going to give up the job I recently started and go for a ride"

"Where to and when?"

"Don't really know, just feel I have to go, load up the FJR and roll!"

I have only recently returned from a 4K plus trip and am itchy to hit the road again, missus is starting to feel unwanted despite my attempts to reassure her. Its just about the ride, I know that as time marches on I am only going to regret it if I don't go but I have to weigh up the pros and cons before embarking on another journey.

It is with a heavy heart I reach out to my motorcycle riding brethren and request some advice from those more knowledgeable....

Gautam Buddha, as enlightened as he eventually became, made a similar mistake - the path to enlightenment doesn't require a journey at all. You can do it all right where you sit. Sport and Axeman gently ask some worthwhile questions. I believe you feel a need for real change. I don't think you'll find what you're searching for on the bike. It is inside you.

 

[FJR Steve]

Pack her bags...put her on the bike...and come west Cejay. Come west!

 

[madmike2]

Here's a little philosophy I often for myself and for others who are frustrated with their job:

My job is what I do so I can be who I am.

Thus, I don't bring it home or take it with me. BUT it does afford me motorcycles and the disposable income for gasoline and motels so the "motorcyclist" part of my ego can express itself.

The reality is, I simply can't afford to be "footloose and fancy free" as I am not independently wealthy. So I enjoy whatever freedom to travel I can because it massages something deep within my and I can temporarily leave my cares and responsibilies behind and, for a short time, become who I enjoy being.

The constant friction between vocation and avocation is a part of our maturation process.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some 10 years ago my then 20+ yr. old daughter asked, "Dad, if you had it to do all over again, what would you be?"

I answered, "An eccentric millionaire." :yahoo:

She responded, "Well, your halfway there!" :blink:

[SIZE=8pt]My Gawd, who raised this child.....??[/SIZE]

I'm still working on the latter half of my response.....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see, we are all a part of your "fraternity".

 

[Jon T]

"Don't really know, just feel I have to go, load up the FJR and roll!"

I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but since you asked for opinions....

There's obviously more to this than your desire to ride. At the risk of reading WAY too much into your note, it seems to me as if you're running from something, or not facing up to a challenge you have at home, work, or....

It's always good to get away, but as you mentioned, you just returned from a decent ride so heading back out is probably not going to solve the real problem. Maybe instead of getting away, you need to stay put, figure out why you're feeling unsettled, and take action to fix whatever it is.

Or I could be completely wrong.

 

[USMC CWO]

Cejay,

What do you think about when you are riding? Where does your mind go and how do you feel? Now ask yourself if you can get that feeling any other way. I would venture that it is not the ride calling you, but your subconscious desire to experience that feeling you get when riding.

I have a similar feeling from my other passion, long-distance backpacking. I found that the only way I can get the feeling I get from being alone in the wilderness is to meditate.

Simply, look for other ways to get the sensation you get from riding and I believe your desires to hit the road will ease.

 

[SR-71]

Ah, the call of the wild, eh? Yeah, I'm a bit older than you (55) and I hear it too from time to time.

I'd say, unless you're planning on being permanently gone, you just need more balance in your life. Grab the closest calendar and create a long string of rides, at every open opportunity. Keep the SO and job. Both could come in handy. But consider a different job if you feel like you're in lock-down all week long.

And when you do go riding, only take your helmet. Nothing else. Don't take money, no eats, no clothes, no tools; none of that stuff. That way, you see, you'll have more reasons to go back home again! Hey... works for me!

 

[rfulcher]

Beware the geographic cure and/or bovine solution.

Wherever you go there you are.

That said, I want to go to Spain for a long long motorcycle ride and living in Costa Rica near a good surf beach would be really really cool.

 

[NormK]

You do need to know that "when Momma ain't happy, no one is happy". Go for the ride if it is with her blessing and understanding. You probably need something exciting to do at home on a regular basis. For me it is tennis. I am gone for 2 hours and feel refreshed when I come home. If this advice is just plain stupid - just write it off as dumb advice.

Any, how best of luck getting this feeling of restlessness.

 

[FJRSTAR]

I have spent the whole night and morning trying to decide why I am so unsettled. My wife left for work this morning with my words ringing in her ears..."I think I am going to give up the job I recently started and go for a ride"

"Where to and when?"

"Don't really know, just feel I have to go, load up the FJR and roll!"

I have only recently returned from a 4K plus trip and am itchy to hit the road again, missus is starting to feel unwanted despite my attempts to reassure her. Its just about the ride, I know that as time marches on I am only going to regret it if I don't go but I have to weigh up the pros and cons before embarking on another journey.

It is with a heavy heart I reach out to my motorcycle riding brethren and request some advice from those more knowledgeable....

Is this the trip? Btw, that was some ride report. Wow.

Day One 26/10/2007...

"Day Eighteen

About 40 minutes later the previous days events begin to trickle back in to my sad and sorry excuse for a brain and I realise that yep, I still miss the missus something fierce, it is time to head for home."

"IN SUMMARY

This was a trip I had to have, I had planned to take another 4wd trip through the Simpson Desert, but prior to my SO taking her holiday to Bali she had suggested that we needed to get back into bikes and rekindle a part of our lives that had been missing for many years. That was the best advice I have had for a long time, we are now closer than ever and she is now looking for another Virago for herself, I thank everybody who has taken the time to read my thread, it has been a real adventure for me and I plan to be a regular on all three of the forums I have been posting this tale.

Cheers and Beers

CEJAY"

 

[Silver Penguin]

Here's a different perspective; Imagine the scene where you're explaining to your wife, what you're going to do. Get it real clear in your head, then reverse the characters. Picture HER telling YOU that she's going to.......(fill in the blank). Are you able to smile, and wish her well? or do you have other feelings about her proposed ride. (OK, so you may have to imagine that she has the ability and desire to ride, but you get the idea).

When our kids were little, I tried this with my dearest. He wanted to get a bike to commute to work, through the Los Angeles traffic. I was worried about his safety, not because of his riding ability but because of the crazy drivers. My suggestion was that if he got a bike and rode it Mon-Fri, I would ride it on the weekends. He chose not to get a bike, for the same reasons that I didn't want HIM to ride, at the time. But then the kids grew up, and our disposable income grew, and we got a bike.... and another......and another......

I'm glad you posted your question, because I've really enjoyed reading some of the advice and wisdom that you have received so far. There are some purdy darn clever folk here tonight.

Jill

 

[twowheelnut]

Sorry, I can't help. Most days, I spend at least a little time route planning (right now, it's LA to Jacksonville to Key West to Prudhoe Bay). If it wasn't for the fact that I hate laundromats and if I had my way, I'd just stop to home long enough for, um, essentials.

 

[Cejay]

Thank you all for your replies, I have talked at length with Jacqui and have decided the following.

1. If I want to take some time out to have another trip that is fine.

2. I still need to work for a few more years both to pay for our lifestyle and to set us up better for the future.

3. The trip would probably not relieve the restlesness I am feeling.

4. Jacqui is not in a position to travel with me If I decided to travel.

5. The job I am employed in is not an issue.

I guess at the end of all this the long and short of it is, both Jacqui and I want to travel together, it will probably be 4WD and Van or a Converted bus. It is impractical at the moment due to our dogs - Minder, Lucky and Holly. I will still get out as often as possible on the FJR to help relieve the tedium. Once again thank you all for our kind response.

Cejay

USMC CWO I generally dont think of anything other than the ride when I am on the bike, but I do appreciate where you are coming from, sometimes the best thinking to do is no thinking...

SR - 71 Like the suggestion of keeping both the Job and SWMBO both are needed, Jacui rides also and shares my passion for travel, we are planning regular rides this year including at least 10 rallies. Need to where clothes and eat tho....

FJR Star the trip I was refering to is the COONAMBLE AMBLE completed during the first week of Jan from the 1st to the 6th.

Jon T yes there was another underlying issue that surfaced during my long discourse with Jacqui, with her help I am well on the way to putting it to bed...

Madmike I couldn't agree with you more strongly.

FJR Steve would love to go west but it will have to wait for a little while, we will catch up eventually.

If there is anyone I have not replied to please do not take offence, I thank you all for your time and advice.

Cheers Cejay

 

[madmike2]

ITs our dreams hopes and wishes that keep us motivated and focused. And you can share your next adventure with your partner. Now, start shopping for her bike because even a day ride is a good thing.

 

[dcarver]

I recall a thread of yours where after x days on the road, and a night of libation, you were calling everyone you knew on the cellie and essentially made a beeline home. I understand the dichotomy; want to get away, want to return.

Right now, I'm facing the 'want to leave' aspect in full colors. I need to start my plan now, to start saving $$, arrange for time, communicate my desires with the SO, that summer 2009 I will be on the road ALL summer, a lifelong dream I've had since I graduated high school in 74 and even wrote a long letter to my Grandma about.

I never mailed the letter, and have never taken an entire summer off. Always work first, and for what? My best memories are NOT of work, but of play. I want to play more, work less.

I too, Cejay, understand and appreciate the itch to go. At least you've had several times to take a small scratch at the itch - most folks don't even get that far. Me included, which makes the itch grow stronger, especially as we age and realize we can't do what we used to but still want to do what we can. Like take an entire summer off and visit the East coast, see place I've not been to before, meet folks I'll never see again, and experience the road in a full time, not part time, manner.

I'm soo ready for this..

I hope you find peace, Cejay, no matter what your decison.

 

[Scab]

The pain of being. We work so hard to become...something dependable, something strong, something self-reliant, the foundation on which to build. Then we cry for the freedom we have lost, and the prison we have built. But should we wake one day to find ourselves truly free, we cry again for the security that lies on the other side of the wall. Sometimes we flip a coin to choose. Either way it lands, part of us will mourn the loss.

I just hold tightly my coin so that both sides are always close.