For Kirk and the other fallen brothers

[Toecutter]

A Higher Calling-One Firefighter's Perspective

My name is Bob and I have been a professional firefighter for 23 years. I love my job because I get to help people, some of whom are experiencing the darkest and most desperate moments of their lives. I love to be able to show them compassion and concern when they need it most.

On July 26, 2001, I had an experience, which was to this point, one of the most trying times of my life. A friend and fellow firefighter at my department was killed in the line of duty as the result of a very bizarre accident. My friend, Kirk, was as nice and as positive a guy as you could ever hope to know. He was a professional member of the fire service, a sincere friend to many and a dedicated husband and father. His death hit me hard. I found myself struggling against acceptance, which made it nearly impossible to put the loss behind me and move on.

I was on duty the morning of September 11th. I awoke at 6:00 a.m. and telephoned our dispatch center to confirm my station assignment for the day. During our conversation, the dispatcher heard the news that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. I turned on the TV, woke up my captain, called home to my wife and son, and then called my daughter, a UC Berkeley student, to let them know that we were being attacked by terrorists. After watching the first few images of the second airliner slamming into the building, my captain, Bill remarked "I'm going to go on record as saying that building is coming down," then he added "I wonder how many firemen are going to die today?" We sat there in front of the TV, sipping coffee, and helplessly watching in silent horror as his observation unfolded into reality.

Because of Kirk's death at our department, only six weeks previous, I knew too well the unbearable pain that the surviving members of the New York Fire Department were suffering. Although I was across the country, my recent emotional wounds were freshly re-opened and I was feeling that I had just lost 300 more of my brothers. They had been murdered, these heroes, the best of the good guys. How could I begin to cope with this tragedy?

Once the initial shock began to wear off, that of myself as well as the entire nation and the world, I was compelled to investigate the reason for this terrible event. I watched the news, listened to talk radio, read from the internet, and talked to many people. The best reason that I could determine was that this tragedy was brought on by hatred.

With this theory in mind, the first place I looked to find fault was in the mirror. I could see right away that I hated these men, these despicable monsters, for what they had done. This hatred, along with the frustration and grief for all those murdered brothers, felt like a fire burning deep inside of me, all the way to my very soul. This fire was out of control and I, a skilled firefighter, could think of no way to put it out. It occurred to me that I was going to need help, so I asked God to help me.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I began to receive the help I prayed for, but I know that it began to come soon after I asked. After a long dark period, I once again felt love coming back into my life. It felt so good that I decided to cast out the hate from my heart. It wasn't easy by any means, but the rewards were well worth it. I began to see things in a different light, that being the light of Love. However, I could still see much hatred around me. People were busy making allegations and placing blame. Some were blaming the former President, some were blaming the business community and some were blaming different groups of people. From what I could determine, they were just doing it to have someone to blame, so they could channel their hatred to press their respective agendas.

I went back to the mirror, then I came up with my own reason for this tragedy; there must be a fire in Heaven. This fire was started by Evil and is fueled by hatred. It started small, on earth, and has reached all the way to Heaven. Why else would God have taken my friend Kirk away from his wife and five-year-old son? It must be burning out of control, because on September 11th God called upon another 343 of the best firefighters on Earth. What will happen if these brave heroes are not able to get the fire under control? If this fire was caused by Evil and fueled by hatred, then only Love can help to extinguish this blaze.

It is easy to hate. You can hate Mondays. You can hate cold coffee. You can hate the person that just cut you off in traffic. Certainly you can hate Osama bin Laden. The great challenge is to cast out the hate, at every level from which it is manifested. Hatred fuels the fires of Evil. Love is the water that will help extinguish them.

Please remember the heroes of September. They gave their lives for this mission. They traded the love of their own families to help people they didn't even know. It was their sworn duty and they performed it proudly. Don't let them be forgotten as they fight the battle for eternity. Honor them with Love, Love for all mankind. It is the only way for them to win the battle.

Bob Firestine gutsrus2k at yahoo dot com All comments welcome

Believe it or not, this is the accident scene. The engine was parked here when it happened. When I say bizarre....

 

[wheatonFJR]

Thanks for sharing Toecutter...

 

[Dudewado]

Thanks for sharing, Toecutter.

Loss of loved ones is one of the most deep and primal feelings we experience. I lost my wife of 19 years and my mother within two months, five years ago. To this day, I still struggle for peace and acceptance.

Hatred is another deep and primal urge, but it is one we can control by using the frontal lobes of our brain for reasoning and higher thought. It isn't easy, as you know, and it takes a big man to choose the harder path. I salute you.

I hate to ask, but what happened to your fellow firefighter?

John

 

[twowheelnut]

I'm glad you finally decided to print that, Bob. Two thumbs up.

 

[Toecutter]

Loss of loved ones is one of the most deep and primal feelings we experience. I lost my wife of 19 years and my mother within two months, five years ago. To this day, I still struggle for peace and acceptance.Hatred is another deep and primal urge, but it is one we can control by using the frontal lobes of our brain for reasoning and higher thought. It isn't easy, as you know, and it takes a big man to choose the harder path.

It's a never-ending struggle, and I lose many battles along the way. We are all susceptible to the more debase and primal urges at all times, and it does take lots of higher thought to define and take the high road. However, the rewards are well worth the sacrifices, IMO.

I hate to ask, but what happened to your fellow firefighter?

Long story, I'll lay it out a bit later. I never wrote it down, so it isn't readily available until I do, which will take some time and exact a price in my head that is probably long overdue. Thanks for asking.

 

[SkooterG]

Thanks for sharing Toecutter...

+1

 

[crewof1]

Thanks, Toe - a moving story and a reminder to cherish the things our heroes sacrificed their lives for.

 

[Toecutter]

I hate to ask, but what happened to your fellow firefighter?John

Okay, explanation time...
The engine had been delivered two days previous and was the first new engine we had gotten since 1986. The last batch was a bunch of overweight, underbraked, underpowered shiny turds ordered by a previous chief who must have gotten quite a kickback on the deal. We hated those POS's. No A/C to boot. This time around, the new chief let us be involved in the acquisition process, spec'ing out what we wanted! What a concept! Needless to say, it was a very exciting time for all of us, not unlike Christmas to a five year-old. The engine had 35% more HP with room for four in an enclosed, air conditioned cab. I couldn't wait to drive one! Unfortunately, a new engine for my station was not to be delivered for two more years, as we bought three from one supplier, then two from another supplier once the budget could support the purchase. This worked out well, as the first batch weren't as nice (or as non-lethal) as the last two. Here's a picture of the one I ended up with:

Anyway, back to the story. An off-duty firefighter had brought his nine year-old son to the station to see the new engine. As fate would have it, Kirk, who was not regularly sheduled to work but traded with another guy, was out back, filling the water tank of the engine, from a rural water well system (pump, 200 gal galvanized pressure tank, and hydrant connection) that sat just on the far side of the engine and out-of-view in this photo:

Kirk was filling the tank through a discharge outlet, as was common practice back then. In fact, all our filler hoses had female connections at each end, so we could hook them to either side of the engine, since there was only a 2-1/2" inlet on the driver's side of the older engines. The pump provided an open waterway, so all we had to do was hook the water source to any discharge, then open the tank filler valve and fill away, as long as the pump was not in gear. Our engines also have a PTO auxiliary pump, so we can pump while mobile, which comes in handy for grass fires. The main pump is driven by a transfer case, so the driveline is taken out of the equation when it is in gear. The two pumps are (supposed to be) separated by check valves, but both supply the same set of rubber reel hoses, one of which is visible, coming from above the pump panel, in the accident scene picture.

The off-duty guy, with son in tow, walked up to the engine and Kirk asked his son if he would like to squirt some water from the new engine. Oddly enough, the kid was into it, so Kirk handed him the reel line nozzle, fired up the PTO pump and attempted to build pressure by throttling up. However, because the new pump was built in error of the specifications, the PTO pump was pressurizing the main pump manifold, which was hooked to the water well, also out of current safety code, as it was built many years before.

Since pressure was not building at the hose nozzle for Kirk, he closed the valve to the hose line and started trying to figure out what was wrong. At that moment, they heard a "Pop" and water rushed out from under the engine. Kirk, thinking he had blown a line, throttled down and started to get into the cab to take the PTO pump out of gear. What they did not realize was that the pressure that built up in the water system (400+ psi) had caused the pressure tank to fail at the seam around the bottom, launching it over 100 feet into the air. At the moment Kirk was entering the cab, it struck the top of the cab, right above the door frame, driving the frame into the top of Kirk's head. He never knew what hit him, but he was still breathing. He was

given immediate paramedic care, as a medic crew is also stationed in our quarters, and transported to the local trauma center. The following day, July 27th, 2001, his doctors declared him brain-dead. His family elected to donate his organs, so his body was kept viable with machines until the harvest team could assemble and finish their work.

Luckily, the tank went off the front of the cab and missed the two other people who were standing next to the pump panel, but they (other firefighter and 9 YO son) had a front row seat to the tragic impact and were not without serious psychological injury.

Anyway, like I said before, very bizarre. It really made me realize just how NOT in charge of my destiny I am.

 

[wheatonFJR]

Very sad story...again sorry about your friend.

 

[mdisher]

Thanks for sharing Toe.

That is an amazing story...

Anyway, like I said before, very bizarre. It really made me realize just how NOT in charge of my destiny I am.

So true.

 

[rogdeb]

Thanks for sharing Bob.

A bizarre story to say the least.

 

[tripletango]

Thanks for sharing Bob.A bizarre story to say the least.

You never really know do you. Bless all you firefighters.

 

[nusman68]

As you said...very bizarre...and sad. What a wake-up call...my father had his own water well supply business for 25 yrs. and saw the aftermath of a 525 gal. water well tank that over-pressurized at a rural school. A pressure control relay had been jumped intentionally by a well meaning custodian who thought he had fixed a problem; pump kept doing its job, pressure built and the tank blew, getting launched over the gymnasium. Happened on a weekend, no one around, no injuries....

Just a few years ago we had a firefighter that died in a small plane crash...as if that wasn't bad enough, his family was watching at the time (he was the passenger, plane was taking off, stalled). I had known and worked with him on calls for close to 8 yrs.. besides being a firefighter, he was also one of the 'firehouse clowns' a dedicated, small group who would put on clown shows for area grade schools to educate kids on fire safety. He was truly gifted in that role, as he loved kids and was a natural at it. HE WAS the show, if you know what I mean..and he is still missed. You know, you show up at work..hey, where's Ben? Is he off today? 'No....you didn't hear?"....

Thanks for the followup, Bob...

 

[madmike2]

Thanks for sharing, Bob. We who are the recipients of the duty you are called to salute you and all your brethren.

I visited the State Fair on Friday. I always make sure to stop by the booths for the CHP, Fire Dept./Forestry Service and different Police depts. to say thanks. I don't envy any of you your job but I appreciate that you do it.

 

[SMC]

My deepest sympathies to you Toecutter for your loss of a brother firefighter and fellow firefighters on that fateful day of September 11th.

As a nation there was life before September 11th and life after September 11th. Life will never be the same for all of us.

I know from your postings, things said, things not said, and a certain name crossed out on your avatar that you are going through a very difficult period.

I pray that the Lord provides you with blessings of peace, peace of heart, peace of mind, peace of soul.

I in my own way struggle with that date.

On that day two of my fellow crewmembers had their throats slashed and another mortally stabbed. I knew some of those crewmembers and had worked with some of them in the past.

I am at a place where I am unable to forgive and love those murderers.

My co-workers and I don't find ourselves in a position of letting our guards down as witnessed by idiots like Richard Reid, and the dingbats who recently were arrested two days before they planned to carry out more murderous attacks on United, Continental and American flights out of London Heathrow.

I myself experienced a watershed event on a flight May 18, 2002 from JFK to Orlando when four of these idiots created a situation were I knew what it felt like to be cannon fodder. Since then I have been on two other flights where we have been surveilled and our reactions tested.

If the bretheren of the Jihadist try something on my aircraft, I will do everything I can to take out as many as I can so they don't reach that cockpit door.

I will not go quietly into the night.

I'm going to do everything I can so the pilots are secure and able to land the plane safely.

The idiots are still out there.

Yes hatred is out there and it wants to do nothing but kill all of us infidels. The don't care if your a good and loving person or not.

It doesn't help that we have wonderful organizations such as the ACLU that continually file lawsuits prohibiting "profiling" or putting our limited resources on some suspected individuals but we have to treat everyone the same least anyones' civil liberties be infringed upon or feelings hurt.

The result is ridiculous sights as having some five years olds' knapsacks searched or the 92 year old grandma from Duluth being patted down.

Scott

 

[Ignacio]

It would be nice to leave these threads open to talk about fallen brothers, but it seems inevitably like somebody wants to cross the clear boundary of the Board Guidelines like SMC has and start a rant about religion and politics.

 

[SMC]

It would be nice to leave these threads open to talk about fallen brothers, but it seems inevitably like somebody wants to cross the clear boundary of the Board Guidelines like SMC has and start a rant about religion and politics.

I apologize to Toecutter (Bob) and Ignacio and everyone else on the board.

Just didn't realize how raw my nerves were.

I have read the rules now and endeavor to remain within the guidelines.

Scott

 

[throttlejockeyTJ]

I missed this the first time around. Hate only burns you out. Glad you got over it. Bizzare accidents can really get to you. A utility worker was killed here in a strange way a couple months ago. No rain in months. A day with no wind. He was just driving down the road and a tree fell and crushed the cab of his truck.

Sorry about your friend. TJ

 

[git-r-dan]

Very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It is good you wrote those feelings to get it off of your chest and it leaves us all with a heavy heart-felt appreciation for you and for what you do and represent. Bob, you are, without a doubt, a Class A+ guy and I look forward to meeting you in person someday and shaking your hand. It will be a privilege.