gregory
Great things are afoot
> Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .
>
> A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
>
> Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
>
> Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
>
> Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
>
> A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
>
> A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
> Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
>
> Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>
> Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
>
> Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
>
> When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>
> A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
>
> What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
>
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
>
> A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> If you don 't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>
> With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
>
> Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>
> A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
>
> Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>
> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> Acupuncture is a *** well done.
A HOMELESS MAN'S
FUNERAL
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by
a
funeral director to play at a graveside service for a
homeless man. He
had no family or friends, so the service was
to be at a pauper's
cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As
I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and
saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone and the hearse was
nowhere in sight. There
were only the diggers
and crew left
and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for
being late. I
went to
the side of the grave and looked down
and the vault lid was
already in
place. I didn't know what
else to do, so I started to play.
The workers
put down their
lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart
and
soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never
played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep.
They wept, I
wept, we all wept
together. When I finished I packed up my
bagpipes and started
for my car. Though my head hung low, my
heart was full.
As I
opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers
say, "I
never
seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in
septic tanks for
twenty years."
Apparently I'm still
lost.... it's a man thing.
>
> A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
>
> Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
>
> Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
>
> Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
>
> A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
>
> A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
> Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
>
> Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>
> Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
>
> Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
>
> When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>
> A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
>
> What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
>
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
>
> A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> If you don 't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>
> With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
>
> Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>
> A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
>
> Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>
> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> Acupuncture is a *** well done.
A HOMELESS MAN'S
FUNERAL
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by
a
funeral director to play at a graveside service for a
homeless man. He
had no family or friends, so the service was
to be at a pauper's
cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As
I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and
saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone and the hearse was
nowhere in sight. There
were only the diggers
and crew left
and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for
being late. I
went to
the side of the grave and looked down
and the vault lid was
already in
place. I didn't know what
else to do, so I started to play.
The workers
put down their
lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart
and
soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never
played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,'
the workers began to weep.
They wept, I
wept, we all wept
together. When I finished I packed up my
bagpipes and started
for my car. Though my head hung low, my
heart was full.
As I
opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers
say, "I
never
seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in
septic tanks for
twenty years."
Apparently I'm still
lost.... it's a man thing.
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