Harley rider pre-ride check off list: NWS! but funny

[Mohawk]

Got this from a guy at work WHO RIDES A HARLEY

1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache

2. Spend 6+ hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the "Live to ride --ride to live" statement on gas tank lid.

3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider

4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.

5. Look in mirror and perfect the "I'm a bad ass motherfucker" harley riding scowl.

6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.

7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)

8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving

9. Leather pants

10. Gloves

11. Wrap around sunglasses

12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!

13. CAT work boots (new)

14. Leather vest with some chapter like: "North chapter of pig fucking obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives" club.

15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.

16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.

17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.

18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.

19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool

20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.

21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of shit down the road.

I just couldn't help it...had to post it

 

[madmike2]

Cute!

At least you're not extending the stereotypical view of those who ride "Milwaukee Iron". :blink:

I wonder how this compares to their view of "Power Rangers"?

 

[wheatonFJR]

As that list is fairly accurate I'm sure...it comes with extra embarrassment to me when a Harley guy and his girlfriend stop what they are doing, go get his trailer and load up my FJR that had been stranded by the side of a road on a rainy Sunday night in "who knows where" North Carolina...

 

[Ian Stephens]

When my 5 year old nephew in Montreal saw my 'Stich for the first time he called me a Power Ranger. I still get that from my "loved ones" on occasion - usually just after I've bragged about some feature of the suit and they're jealous.

Ian

 

[AsItLies]

pretty funny, must admit. But the feej rider I'm sure is thankful to the

HD couple that helped him out... stereotypes are one thing, but not everyone

fits the exact mold

 

[airboss]

Yeah, that's the trouble with stereotypes, never can seem to find one around when you need one.

 

[HotRodZilla]

That's kind of funny, but as stated, the "Power Ranger" name calling is alive and well.

A couple of months ago, I was at my Yamaha dealer for an open house they were having. They were offering test rides, so I was wearing my mesh pants and jacket with a helmet and gloves. I had just finished riding an FZ1 and was eating a piece of pizza and bullshitting with my service guy when a big black Yamaha cruiser pulls up.

The dork on the bike is wearing a brand new leather skull cap, a brand new leather vest, brand new leather half gloves, and pretty new looking boots. He rode like shit and wobbled the bike into a space near the service bay. After he struggles to stop without hitting something and struggles to find the kickstand, he summons Tim over and proceeds to ask some question about his brand new cruiser. Tim kind of gives him the "don't be a dumbass" answer and walks past me on his way to the counter to look something up.

Then it happens. As the dumbass following Tim approaches me, he looks me up and down and says, "Nice outfit." I donno how I did it, but I immediately responded, "You too...Captain Hook." All the blood rushed from his face, and he kept on walking. I finished my pizza, geared up, and took off without crashing my bike. Thankfully!

I have no idea what possessed that guy to try to start shit with me, but it reminded me that some people are real dumbasses.

 

[James Burleigh]

As that list is fairly accurate I'm sure...it comes with extra embarrassment to me when a Harley guy and his girlfriend stop what they are doing, go get his trailer and load up my FJR that had been stranded by the side of a road on a rainy Sunday night in "who knows where" North Carolina...

When you break down, you WANT Harley riders to come along.

 

[RsvlFeej]

When you break down, you WANT Harley riders to come along.

Duh. They already have bike trailers. I razzed my Hardly Ableson owning coworker endlessly when, 2 months after purchasing his first HD, he bought a trailer.

 

[RoadGlide]

You guys are brutal! Maybe I should put on my Power Ranger suit and ride my HD cruiser around town. But wait, that would mean I wouldn't fit into the stereotype above. I hope I don't get confused one morning and dress incorrectly for whichever bike I'm riding that day.....wouldn't want to offend anyone.

 

[charismaticmegafauna]

When you break down, you WANT Harley riders to come along.

Duh. They already have bike trailers. I razzed my Hardly Ableson owning coworker endlessly when, 2 months after purchasing his first HD, he bought a trailer.

If there's a group of 'em? -- there's often a "trouble truck" following...