Horse walks into a bar...

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A jumper cable walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bar tender says," I'll serve you but don't start anything".

Phil

 
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The man replies " I don't know but its driving me nuts".

 
This one's gonna hurt, but ya'll started it.

String walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender says "we don't serve strings".

String walks outside, ties himself in a knot, then lays on the sidewalk and scuffs himself up.

String walks back into the bar.

Bartender says, "aren't you that string that was just in here?"

String says, "no, I'm a frayed knot".

I told you it would hurt.

 
The Chihuahua one's pretty good, but then those dogs always make me laugh, even when they're attached to my ankle........ :p

 
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A giraffe walks into a bar and calls out, "The high-balls are on me!"

 
A redneck walks into a bar with a very tired look on his face. Bartender asks why. Redneck replies "Just left my family reunion!" Bartender looks puzzled then the Redneck responds "I won the friggin door prize, mag wheels for my house and my sister got REAL horny!".

Lesbian walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender serves the drink and slides the snack bowl her way. "No Thanks!" says the lesbian, "I'm allergic to nuts!".

 
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn. Bartender says he doesn't serve corn and the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes into the bar again "Hey bartender do you have any corn?". Bartender: "I told you yesterday I don't serve corn", and the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes in again "Hey bartender do you have any corn?". The bartender gets mad:"I told you two days in a row I don't serve corn. If you ask me again I am going to nail your feet to the floor", and the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes back again: "Bartender do you have a hammer?". Bartender:"No". Duck:"Good, do you have any corn?".

 
Two termites walk into a bar:

The first one says "Where's the bar tender?"

 
Did you hear about the cowboy that bought a dachshund? Someone told him to get-a-long little doggie.

Couldn't resist, sorry.

 
A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender says "What the hell is that"? The frog speaks

up and says "I don't know, it started out as a pimple on my ass about a week ago"!

Bananas!

 
A gay guy walks into a cowboy bar and orders a Pink Lady. The bartender is reluctant to have a gay in his bar but doesn't want to run afoul of an equal rights lawsuit so he directs the gay to sit in the corner and serves the gay. A few minutes later a rough and tumble cowboy walks into a bar and says "I've been out on the dusty range for weeks and I'm so thirsty I could chug a jug of beer". When he's done he says "All I've had to eat out on the range is beans; I'm so hungry I could eat four steaks". When he's done that he says "I've been out on the range alone for so long I could f**k a cow". Just then, out of the corner is heard "Mooooooo".

 
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