How do you handle this !

[frayne]

In the last six months two close friends have had serious motorcycle accidents and most recently being today I lost a friend who was killed when a SUV pulled out in front of him. He died of brain injuries. I just got back from viewing his remains at the hospital and consoling family members, and not a pleasant experience or a good sight.

The first question out of the mouths of my wife and other family members is, when are you going to quit riding and sell that damn motorcycle.

I have no intention to quit riding and just wonder how the rest of the folks here handle this type of situation.

I'm sure most of you have been through this at one time or another and know exactly what I am talking about. So what do you do ?

 

[rogdeb]

That's a tough one -- so sorry for your loss. We all handle these situations differently, just the best we can.

First friend I had who was killed on a bike was inexperienced, didn't make a bend, and rode it headlong into a brick wall. He was the talk of the town for a while but I don't think it phased me much as I was a teenager.

Second friend was hit by a car we think, at approx 1.00am, managed to crawl into a bus shelter where he died. This one bothered me a lot - time healed the upsetting thoughts.

 

[Wicked Webby]

In the last six months two close friends have had serious motorcycle accidents and most recently being today I lost a friend who was killed when a SUV pulled out in front of him. He died of brain injuries. I just got back from viewing his remains at the hospital and consoling family members, and not a pleasant experience or a good sight.
The first question out of the mouths of my wife and other family members is, when are you going to quit riding and sell that damn motorcycle.

I have no intention to quit riding and just wonder how the rest of the folks here handle this type of situation.

I'm sure most of you have been through this at one time or another and know exactly what I am talking about. So what do you do ?

R.I.P. TO YOUR FRIEND. SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS. I AM SURE YOUR FRIEND IS IN A BETTER PLACE.

I SUSPECT YOU (AS I), WOULD RATHER LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND DO WHAT YOU LOVE. RATHER THAN QUIT IT AND LIVE IN THE FEAR OF ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN. JUST MY PERSPECTIVE.

RIDE SAFE......TO ALL!!!!

 

[Mogambo]

Tough situation. I extend my condolences to you.

On the other matter, when I hear people asking about quitting motorcycle riding because someone they knew had a bad motorcycle accident, I think to myself,"would you quit driving your car because someone you knew had a bad auto accident?"

When your numbers up....your numbers up. OMO.

 

[CAJW]

Very sad deal indeed, sorry for your loss as well. In my line of work (EMS Helicopter pilot) I see a lot of carnage, many of it fellow riders that have lost limbs or worse. It does work on your mind and the best advice I can give is if you're distracted by a particular incident or loss, get away from the bike until your mind is clear. This advice is the same for any distraction such as work issues, family matters etc.. you shouldn't ride distracted. Having said that, I find that riding is a mind clearing exercise for me, I ride to focus on nothing else but the ride. Nothing clears the mind like a good run through the twisties. You'll know when you're ready to get back on the bike.

 

[noob]

frayne,

First, condolences to friends and family of the lost rider, may he rest in peace.

I'm new to the fjr forum, but not to riding. When I started back up again I took the msf course, but still had some close calls. Since I've become an msf instructor though, my riding skills have improved quite a bit. But we as riders are just vulnerable, no way can that be changed.

Did your friend have a head light modulator? Because statistic show one of our biggest concerns is someone making a left hand turn in front of us, I won't ride without a headlight modulator. I wear bright gear for the same reason. It's no guarantee, but anything that can help is good imho.

Having an air horn can help also. That was one of the first things I installed. Again, it's just another thing that can help. And practicing the 2 skills that can save yer life, emergency braking and emergency swerving, *may* be the thing that makes the difference.

Any time I hear of a rider that's been badly hurt or lost, I too question riding. Even doing everything possible, things can and do go wrong. But I'm hoping by doing everyting I can, the odds can be lessened enough that I can still enjoy riding. The feeling of freedom and the camaraderie would be hard to replace. But it's a difficult decision for sure.

Again, condolences, it's a very very sad thing when this happens. A tragedy for friends and family.

noob

 

[drew231506]

Damn...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I can't say how I'd handle something like that. I've had scares in the past that did make me question riding. It wears on you seeing it constantly...esp here. If someone crashes, everyone has to know about it.

When I first meet someone and in conversation it comes up that I ride. One of two responses are given, theyre either a rider as well, or theyll give you their story about their uncle/friend/dad/cousin who was killed on a motorcycle. Drives me nuts...i digress...

Anyway I'm sorry...I'm sure you're shook up. Theres something spiritual about riding...I'd prolly go for a nice long ride with your friend in mind.

Take Care

 

[Low Level FJR Pilot]

Sorry to hear about your loss. It is a tough one, because now, those that don't understand why we ride are trying to talk you out of doing that which you love most. Your friend died doing exactly that. People just don't want to understand. I stopped riding because of a close call a few years back, actually it was a chain of close calls and I came home, made the knee jerk statement that I wasn't riding anymore and it was just too dangerous to my wife. The second I said it, I knew I was wrong.

I went a few years off a bike and everytime I saw one, I missed it. "It" What is the definition of "It"? The feeling of raw power beneath you, the twists and turns that define a road, the freedom that comes from being able to go wherever you want and the exhileration from the ride itself. The love of being at one with the road, a kind of Zen thing I would guess if you believe in that kinda stuff. I let fear take me away from it and I gave in to a little bit more of the loss of youth because of that.

It took me a year to work on my wife and restore her trust in my judgement, I was the one that said it was too dangerous, wasn't I. Well I have been riding again for the last 3 years and I am re building that lost youth and overcoming that fear. When someone we love dies in a motorcycle accident, it is up to us to continue to ride, to feel "It" and to continue to fight for the cause of fellow riders that have been injured because the cage driver just didn't see us (or care to see us). I still feel that all drivers in every state should be made to take a Motorcycle Safety Course, the motorcycle portion of the written exam and be made more aware of our existense.

You have a lot of responsibility on you now, it is to your friends that have been injured and to your friend that died doing what he loved most. I will pray for understanding from your family and friends for you and why you love the ride. You must keep your head in the game and love them just the same. Sit down with your loved ones, tell them why you do what you do, seek their understanding and good luck. We live our best lives doing that which we love to do. Keep on living - Ride.....

 

[E1Allen]

Sorry about the loss of your friend. It doesn't matter who you are, losing someone hurts. Even though bike accidents stick out like a sore thumb, you can't always blame the riders. You can't stop riding, it just wouldn't make sense. Sometimes people go doing the things they love. Wether it be flying, racing, boating or any number of things. I bet your friend would be happy to know that you still ride. Be safe.

Eric

 

[evilmedic13]

I wouldn't answer the question, they should already know the answer and they expect you to alleviate their fears, as if giving up the bike will somehow put off the inevitable.It's just human nature, unfortunately they're blaming the bike and you ride, so you're the easiest target for them to vent to. Unfortunately, it doesn't help anyone. you've all lost someone you care about and now they're hurting you(that's how they'll see it in awhile,usually) just part of grieving,anger. What if it happened while he was on a bus?

Sorry for your loss, but we all know that those that don't ride(pilot or pillion) really don't get it. I'd rather go having a blast on the Fjr than laying in a nursing home bed remembering how much I used to have w/ all the people that are no longer w/ me!

Again, sorry for your loss, it seems like all the ******** get extended stays while the good guys get called up much too early. :angry:

 

[Orient_Express]

So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend - accepting tragic accidents that end a life is never an easy thing to do.

Mogambo said it - It's also said another way - "It is appointed unto man to die".

Death is nothing any of us can escape, whether on a motorcycle, in a car, cancer, or a heart attack in our sleep. Nobody is going to live in this flesh longer than their appointed time.

I ride because I love it. If I get killed on a street someday, at least it will be doing something I love. We could all go through life playing it as safe as possible, but that won't stop our "due date" - the date arranged for us to check out of this life.

I never, ever, want to be lying on my death bed and say, "I wish that I'd done this... or that". Therefore, I accept the inherant danger of climbing on a motorcycle, knowing that it could be the last time I do it. If it is - I'm ready to go.

 

[twowheelnut]

Regrettable about your friends. Condolences. As for your families demands... More people die each year as pedestrians than as motorcyclists. Should you not walk, either?

 

[madmike2]

I have no intention to quit riding and just wonder how the rest of the folks here handle this type of situation.
I'm sure most of you have been through this at one time or another and know exactly what I am talking about. So what do you do ?

My best friend (of 30+ years) was killed 4 1/2 years ago, on his way home after we'd spent a day together. Hit and run, after an SUV pulled out in front of him. As to the question, "When are you going to quit riding that motorcycle?" My answer at that time was, "I'm not. Just to celebrate and much to the chagrin of my daughter, I ordered an '04 FJR via the PDP. His widow supported my decision and realized that Larry had died enjoying one of his passions in life.

Whenever, after an incident like this, someone asks when I'm going to quit riding I answer, "When are they going to enforce the traffic laws and force people to be better and more aware drivers?" Of course those who are mourning and have their hearts wounded are upset at the motorcycle. This is a normal, easy response rather than being upset at the person who caused the collision (notice I didn't say accident). Yes, we are more vulnerable when astride our two-wheeled conveyance but we get to enjoy so much more freedom and are more connected to our surroundings. My 80 year old mother put it the best when people ask her about my being a motorcyclist: "He's been riding since he was 15 years old. You either understand, or you don't. If you've ever spent time on a motorcycle you would understand."

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm more sorry for his family's loss and what they will suffer for the next year as the insurance, courts, reports, etc., unfold before they can get any closure. I'm sorry for the future of his family that is forever altered by one other person's lack of awareness or road courtesy.

Personally I carry my friend in my heart wherever I go. There are many times I have actually expressed to myself how much Larry would be enjoying the ride, the view or the experience of any of my road trips. Y'all would've loved him as much as I.

The rest of you please ride safely so we can all ride tomorrow and the day after and the day after.....

 

[Bounce]

Tough call. The best I've heard is to point out all the people who die in cars and no one thinks about selling their car. In this situation, perhaps a little less confrontation.

"I know we're all hurting right now. The last thing we want to do it cause more hurt feelings about such things."

 

[03HiYoSilver]

Frayne,

My heart go out to you and your friend's family.

If I had to stop everything I enjoyed, I'd be living like a hermit in a cave somewhere in Siberia. Everything in life has some risk involved...some more than others. We could be laying in bed and a meteor could come down out the sky through the roof and kill us...no one planned it, just a freak of nature.

I find riding my FJR, it brings me more joy and makes me feel younger than I am...it also helps me cope with life's stresses that aren't so fun. The answer is clear to me, do what makes your spirit happy. (Legally of course!)

May you find peace and my condolence.

 

[Kevin Daly]

Frayne,

Sorry to hear of your loss. I wont give you any advice, I think this is something you will have to resolve with your family on your own; you know them best. But know that there are plenty of folks feeling your pain! My wife hates bikes, her entire family hates bikes, my dad hates bikes. So i am pretty much alone. And while I will appreciate thier hatred of bikes, i will not engage in an arguement about it; nothing will ever come of that argument.

-best

 

[Silver Penguin]

I'm sure most of you have been through this at one time or another and know exactly what I am talking about. So what do you do ?

My sympathies are with you for the loss of your friend. Here's a few thoughts:

If you had died in a motorcycle accident, would you have wanted your friend to quit riding as a consequence?

How many people die in their beds? in their cars? in airplane crashes? while having sex? Are others counseled to avoid any of the above?

Does being half alive for twice as long count the same as living to the max and enjoying every moment?

It would seem wise to take some time out to think, to mourn your loss and to reappraise your priorities. It's unlikely that you would be able to attain the level of concentration needed to ride safely, for a little while. Only you will know when the time is right. A year ago this week, my husband was involved in a near fatal accident, caused by an inattentive driver. During his hospitalization and convalescence, I didn't ride because a) my heart wasn't in it and B) I was the sole breadwinner/caregiver. Eventually, the day came when a dear friend invited me to ride with a group. I was scared. On my way to the meeting point, I pulled over for a fire truck, traveling Code 3. I was tearful for a while but got over it. During the ride, I was tail gunner behind a rookie, so the pace was very gentle. That gave me time to appreciate what I had missed. I took a different route home, that would allow me to touch triple digits for a moment or two. The demons were slain.

One of the things that really convinced me to ride again was a nightmare that DH had during his recovery. He woke up frantic, at around 2am, realizing that he might never ride again. What do you DO if you don't ride? What kind of life IS there without riding?

The right decision will come to you, given time.

Take care,

Jill

 

[OrangevaleFJR]

Regrettable about your friends. Condolences. As for your families demands... More people die each year as pedestrians than as motorcyclists. Should you not walk, either?

...and 34 thousand people die each year in auto accidents. How can we drive cars? Everyone draws their line in terms of acceptable danger and lifestyle. You got your's, they have their's. Now, I wouldn't throw this in their face, I guess you could say, "At least I don't try to tame poisonous snakes while hang gliding!"

 

[frayne]

Thanks all, for the advice, guess my best course of action is to say nothing at this point in time and let the healing begin.