"I want you to enjoy your bike."

[Goodman4]

I just stumbled across this thread today and am moved to appreciate even more my wonderful wife of 31 years. I've been in a funk for almost a year and this put my petty problems in perspective. I don't have anything to add to all the thoughtful and wise comments that the "cousins" here on the forum have made in this thread, but I want to thank you for your openness to share your story.

I hope you continue to find healing and peace,

Paul

 

[mcatrophy]

Been listening to some Roy Orbison (sorry about YouTube's adds):

Pretty Woman - I've always associated this one with her.

- describes my feelings very well.
And a bit of Charlie Rich:

The Most Beautiful Girl In The World - ever since I first tasted her cherry pie

.

Story of the cherry pie? This is a very simplified version of what was a very complicated chain of events.

I knew her brother, we both worked at the same company. We often met up at a mutual friend's flat (apartment) in the evening. I'd occasionally seen this quiet little girl there, but she was extremely shy, was just there with her brother, I'd never taken a lot of notice.

One evening, she came in an hour later than usual, brought in this dish on which she'd baked a cherry pie. It was still hot, she cut it up, put it on plates, and passed them round - there must have been about eight of us there. I got the last slice. Well, I took one spoonful, wow, and did a double-take of her just as she was disappearing out of the flat. They say "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach". I can vouch for the truth of that.

Didn't see much of her for a while, though I was thinking about her a lot - I, too, was very shy. A week or so later, her car was misfiring, her brother wasn't about, she came round to where I was staying. A new spark plug had her going again. The next I knew, she saw me again one evening, invited me for a meal that she would prepare in her flat, a sort of "thank you". That meal totally hooked me. Later she asked if I would take her to the movies, so we saw "The Sound of Music". Not my cup of tea at all, but I didn't mind, I was in lurve.

Things developed from there. I did have some competition (another friend of her brother), but it all turned out extremely fortunately for me, though what she saw in me I'll never know. After some months I proposed, she kept me on tenterhooks for a couple of days, then accepted with the proviso that her parents approved of me (she's always been very old fashioned). So, met her parents - her mother approved of me because I complimented her on her cooking (not as good as her daughter's, but I didn't say that), her father approved of me because I'd fixed her car. At least, that's what I think. Of course, when he was younger, her dad used to ride a Brough Superior, and although I wasn't riding at the time, we did have some common ground, so that probably helped as well.

The rest, as they say, is history, except to say that her cherry pie remained as my favourite pud ever since.

Ok, thanks for listening, I'm going to try to cheer up a bit.

Yet more pics, China, 2007.

(Click on image for larger view)

 

[Uncle Hud]

Nice! I, too am lucky to be married to a good cook.

Cheer up whenever you want, brother. (As long as you keep writing stuff here every now and then.) No one expects you to get over a such a very long marriage in three weeks, or even three months.

 

[HotRodZilla]

I love hearing how people met. It's always such a strange chain of events that could have been changed by almost anything.

Either way, a girl that makes great cherry pie is hard to beat!

 

[gregory]

+1 on what AJ said, cool story. Love the photo on the left.

I think of you often as I head into month 4 of my marriage (2nd after an 17 year break), knowing that I will probably not have anywhere near the years you had and hoping that I have half the memories and love that you two shared.

Yet more pics, China, 2007.
(Click on image for larger view)

 

[mcatrophy]

Going through some stuff, came across her wedding photo album.

Dunno who the handsome young dude is on her right ...
(Click on ... yeah, you know)


... but he is obviously very pleased with his acquisition, and it looks like he isn't going to let go of her.

I don't blame him.

 

[mcatrophy]

+1 on what AJ said, cool story. Love the photo on the left.
I think of you often as I head into month 4 of my marriage (2nd after an 17 year break), knowing that I will probably not have anywhere near the years you had and hoping that I have half the memories and love that you two shared.

Yet more pics, China, 2007.

(Click on image for larger view)

I certainly wish you as much happiness in your marriage as I had in mine.

A word of advice - even though this is your second marriage. This was said to me in no uncertain terms by my new bride (in spite of being shy she had a very forceful personality) "If you so much as touch another woman, you are out".

So, I never touched another woman, never gave her any hint that I might, and I never, ever, had any regrets.

That picture on the left? Yes. I was always taking photos wherever we went. Although she didn't like her picture being taken, she liked to surprise me by occasionally playfully putting herself in the shot, right from that first very blurred picture I showed back in this post. Usually blurred, because her face was gone within a second or so, so there was no time to focus if I was going to capture her.

 

[hppants]

Agree with HRZ, chance meetings can pay off. Back in 1985, Pants was talked into a blind double date with some chic from a nearby city. I didn't even know any of her friends, cousins.... nothing. I didn't want to go and used every excuse I could think of to get out of it, but my friend persisted. And when I picked her up, that pink sweater was doing its thing and holy cow!!

That was 32 years ago and my sweater girl is having breakfast in the next room right now. And you can bet your ***, I'm thankful for my friend's persistence.

MCA - I hope your bucket load of good memories overtakes you past the comparative few drops of bad memories, especially toward the end. One day at a time, my friend.

And BTW - are there any m/c trips on the horizon? Perhaps a summer jaunt is in order?

.

 

[gregory]

+1 on what AJ said, cool story. Love the photo on the left.
I think of you often as I head into month 4 of my marriage (2nd after an 17 year break), knowing that I will probably not have anywhere near the years you had and hoping that I have half the memories and love that you two shared.

Yet more pics, China, 2007.

(Click on image for larger view)

I certainly wish you as much happiness in your marriage as I had in mine.

A word of advice - even though this is your second marriage. This was said to me in no uncertain terms by my new bride (in spite of being shy she had a very forceful personality) "If you so much as touch another woman, you are out".

So, I never touched another woman, never gave her any hint that I might, and I never, ever, had any regrets.

I appreciate the advice, but like you, there will never be a need. I recognize the gift that has been place in my path.

That picture on the left? Yes. I was always taking photos wherever we went. Although she didn't like her picture being taken, she liked to surprise me by occasionally playfully putting herself in the shot, right from that first very blurred picture I showed back in this post. Usually blurred, because her face was gone within a second or so, so there was no time to focus if I was going to capture her.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with your lovely bride. I hope one day to cross paths. you are always welcome here.

Gregory

 

[mcatrophy]

I love hearing how people met. It's always such a strange chain of events that could have been changed by almost anything.Either way, a girl that makes great cherry pie is hard to beat!

Agree with HRZ, chance meetings can pay off. Back in 1985, Pants was talked into a blind double date with some chic from a nearby city. I didn't even know any of her friends, cousins.... nothing. I didn't want to go and used every excuse I could think of to get out of it, but my friend persisted. And when I picked her up, that pink sweater was doing its thing and holy cow!!
That was 32 years ago and my sweater girl is having breakfast in the next room right now. And you can bet your ***, I'm thankful for my friend's persistence.

MCA - I hope your bucket load of good memories overtakes you past the comparative few drops of bad memories, especially toward the end. One day at a time, my friend.

And BTW - are there any m/c trips on the horizon? Perhaps a summer jaunt is in order?

.

I think a very good word to describe these events is "serendipity". A sequence of fortunate events leading to a very happy conclusion.

One trip planned for the very end of September into October. Planned by my Guernsey friend - he enjoys the planning almost as much as the riding. It will be a group of four bikes and five people, all good riders, been with them all many times before. Scotland (again!). We were thinking about the Alps, but ferry timings and a few other difficulties conspired against. Scotland does bear repeating, there always seem to be some routes not covered before, and we know many good hotels to stay in. Only trouble is that traffic seems to be increasing year by year, and on some of the roads it can be very frustrating. But those same roads are so rewarding to ride when they are clear. Hopefully, that late in the year, traffic will be light, but not so late that snow has entered the mix.

May possibly do something on my own before then, but at the moment I just don't feel much like it. Also potentially dangerous, I seem to find my mind wandering and my eyes watering. Not so bad in a car, but not good on a bike. Things will get - are getting - better, though.

 

[mcatrophy]

Sunday Mourning.

So I went out for a short ride. This is the first "pleasure" ride I've had in months. As I said in a previous post, I've not wanted to be away from her; before her diagnosis she'd not been well for a long while. The last pleasure ride was in February, that was because she more-or-less made me go. A whole 30 miles, I really didn't want to be away from her. The bike's been used for shopping, once to take a death certificate to a bank (rather than trust such a document to the vagaries of the postal system). So far this year I'd done less than 500 miles.

Checked the tyres (not checked their pressures since January), needed a little air, nothing unusual.

Bike had two bars of fuel showing, so I decided on a 60-odd mile loop, roads I knew well - I wanted familiar roads in case my attention wasn't fully on the job.

Then set off fairly early, a little after 8:00. The roads today are going to get very busy, it's beautiful weather, bright, lots of blue sky, while I was out temperatures were in the range 20C-22C (68F-72F). Perfect, so every Tom, **** and Harry will be out today, mostly cars, plenty of bikes (many of the pedal variety). So I wanted to get out before most of them.

Could I still ride the bike? That was one of the reasons I wanted to go out on it, I'm committed to Scotland later this year. Yes, I can still ride. There were a couple of occasions when my mind wandered, had to be careful of that. But riding was natural (so-called "muscle memory" is a wonderful attribute). Cornering, overtaking, reading the road and its occupants all within my norms. And the bike behaved perfectly, also reassuring.

I can't say I really enjoyed it. I'm sure there's some guilt coming through, me "enjoying" myself when She's gone and can never enjoy herself again (it hurts badly just thinking about that). Should I feel guilty? According to the title of this thread, obviously not. But ...

Anyway, all went well, got back a little before 11:00, fuel gauge blinking, that's fine. I could have put some fuel in the tank and gone further - there's no-one waiting for me at home - but I didn't feel like it, which is a pity, but at least I've started to go riding for its own sake.

Tomtom recorded this route.

 

[wnyfjr]

"... - there's no-one waiting for me at home - ..."

While she may not be waiting for you at home, she may very well be with you as you ride, maybe gently nudging you to take the next left instead of the right, perhaps leading you to sights and experiences you may have missed otherwise. I expect she'll be riding with you every time.

As always, rest assured you have many friends you have not yet met who are also with you when you ride.

 

[Redfish Hunter]

Based on what I have read here, your wife would not have wanted you to "feel guilty" about enjoying yourself. While I cannot imagine (and don't want to imagine) the pain you feel, I encourage you to Go On Living.

If you were man enough to inspire love and loyalty from a woman like that for all those years then you are Too Awesome to just sit around and grieve. Go out and do Good Things. Share your awesomeness with others. The world needs men like you, the world needs a Good Example. Take rides and share them with us.

Please.

Edit: Why do I start crying every time I visit this thread?

 

[RossKean]

mcatrophy

I echo Redfish's sentiment. By the way, I don't think I have ever encountered anyone as organized as you appear to be. I have always been impressed with your extensive encyclopedia of photos about everything FJR-related but I have never seen anyone post up dozens of GPS tracks on the "net" in an easily followed, chronological list. (Saw these when I clicked on your TomTom link)

 

[HotRodZilla]

Mac, I know it's not the same, so please don't think I'm comparing. However, grief is grief, just different levels, and I think this relevant.

When my dad died, I lost the greatest friend and supporter a grown man ever had. There was stuff he loved doing with us, so it's stuff I missed doing after he passed. The first couple times I did those things, I felt guilt, like you, for doing them without him. Then I remembered how much he loved hanging out and realized he did those activities because he wanted to be around me (us...brother and sister also). He wanted us to do things and enjoy them, with or without him. Once I realized I wasn't doing stuff "without" him, but "becasue" of him, my outlook changed.

Grief morphed into thankfulness and a way to feel closer to my dad. I think you'll get there when you're ready.

 

[mcatrophy]

...While she may not be waiting for you at home, she may very well be with you as you ride, maybe gently nudging you to take the next left instead of the right, perhaps leading you to sights and experiences you may have missed otherwise. I expect she'll be riding with you every time.

...

She certainly had an extremely good sense of direction, could always find her way in the car with very little help from maps or satnavs. Unfortunately, she would never go with me on the bike, so I'm not used to her directing me when riding. Maybe I should listen harder.

...If you were man enough to inspire love and loyalty from a woman like that for all those years then you are Too Awesome...

Edit: Why do I start crying every time I visit this thread?

Maybe she took pity on the weak and feeble? And why should I be the only one to cry? Though not doing it as much as I was.

... I don't think I have ever encountered anyone as organized as you appear to be. I have always been impressed with your extensive encyclopedia of photos about everything FJR-related but I have never seen anyone post up dozens of GPS tracks on the "net" in an easily followed, chronological list. (Saw these when I clicked on your TomTom link)

This "organisation" is more a matter of being anal about some things, also creating reminders for myself as my memory is one of the worst in all humanity.

Many of the FJR photos I took when doing work on it so that I know what I did, and how to put things back where they came from. So, if someone has a clutch problem, I know I did something to my clutch, so I know I must have photos that might be relevant. That's how it goes for most of the stuff. I also keep a list of all my forum posts, together with what pictures I may have used in them. This is simple software. So long as I add any new entry to the database, it's automatic. (I spend far too much time playing with software.)

The GPS tracks is more a matter of playing with the Tomtom's features. It can record your track and creates a GPX file. Google Drive can take in a file of a different format to add the dots on a map, it was simply a matter of writing a "filter" program to convert the GPX file format to a CSV file in a format that Google will accept. Then, once again, I keep a database of the routes with reference to the Google Drive link that they kindly created for me. All it needs is the appropriate web page writing to create what you see. Of course, if Google do a Photobucket on us, it will all go pear-shaped.

... grief is grief ... Grief morphed into thankfulness and a way to feel closer to my dad. I think you'll get there when you're ready.

My head knows this, my heart has just got to catch up. Thanks for your thoughts. And I wish I'd known my dad like you did yours.

A couple of pictures taken on our daughter's wedding day.

(Click on image for larger view)



(In case there's any confusion, Wifey is the one dressed in lavender

.)

 

[RossKean]

I picked out your spouse from all of the other pictures you have posted of her. Who is the old guy standing beside her?

Nice photos - 11 years ago (based on date on photos)?

 

[mcatrophy]

I picked out your spouse from all of the other pictures you have posted of her. Who is the old guy standing beside her?
Nice photos - 11 years ago (based on date on photos)?

The old guy looks like the grandfather of the handsome young dude in the black-and-white picture I posted earlier.
And yes, daughter married 16th September, 2006. A mere 15 days after I got my first FJR. Doesn't time fly?

 

[BkerChuck]

mca,

Much like RFH and a plethora of others I've followed this thread and where I felt appropriate posted what I could. I must say this has been one of the most difficult threads to read and after a point I had to step away from it, at least while I was at work. I, too have been unable to read this without shedding some tears. I'd like to think that grief shared is grief spared and with that being the case I can only imagine the amount of that load we've all helped spare you. We may never get the chance to meet in real life and I truly believe the loss is mine. You're obviously a man of character and to have been granted the number of years you had with a great woman and a true love is something we can all only hope to be given in this life.

I hope you can regain the joy of riding. I think in time you will.

Take care and be well. Thank you for all you've given all of us. Even the tears.

 

[exskibum]

She wants you to go on, as fully engaged as you can be in the senses that make you alive and present in this world. She wants you to rediscover joy while you are here, knowing that she waits for you and that her spirit is with you. Seeing beauty, blotting out the pain of loss and living as fully as you can are gifts to her. She told you as much when she was with you. Is this not the same as you would wish her out of love?