Just how does this work

[Checkswrecks]

STUN GUN

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased one admitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right ? !!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is

such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms

and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .........

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock.

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid".

 

[Cdogman]

That is funnern hell.

I have been shocked at work before (18,000 volts) and it does change your outlook on the day.

 

[FJRottie]

Well now I won't have to taze myself, thanks for the report.

Oh, and if you get the chance, volunteer to be pepper-sprayed as well if you can. It is delightful.

 

[fjrchooser]

My brother-in-law volunteered to be pepper sprayed- well kinda... Few things in life have been as satisfying as proving a disdainful and irritating cynic to be so completely wrong :lol:

 

[GunMD]

Holy **** that's funny. Thanks for kicking your own *** and then sharing the story with us.

Reading glasses, $100.

Pocket size taser, $100.

Comfy shorts and a wife-beater tank top, $30

Kicking your own *** with 100,000 volts of electricity while your cat watches....Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy.

 

[GunMD]

Well…I uhhh….OK here it is.

I used to have this dog that was digging up my yard every day. He was a cool dog except for the digging. My buddy Paul (who was great w/ dogs and now owns a K9 training company, bomb dogs, protection dogs, etc) suggested that I use a cattle prod to correct the dog’s behavior. I agreed to consider it and he brought the device to my house. It didn’t look all that bad honestly. (Picture below). I was unsure if I wanted to zap this poor little dog with something designed for a freakin’ cow, but Paul assured me that it would be OK. He instructed me to come home from work, walk the dog to the hole that he had dug while I was gone, stick his head into the hole and zap him on the *** with the prod. He assured me that the dog would very quickly begin to associate the zap in the *** with the hole in the ground and stop digging. “I don’t know man, it sounds kinda harsh”, I said. So Paul offered to demonstrate by placing the prod on the meaty portion of his own *** and pressing the button. He did so, and I saw him twitch ever so slightly. “Here” he offered, “you try it.” So I did. I placed this thing upon my right *** cheek and hit the button, confident that I was larger and stronger than Paul and that I would have no problem with it. Holy mother of all surprises! That ****** hit me with something like 50K volts and I screamed like I’d been shot. That ****** hurt like a sonofabitch. My entire *** was twitching and my legs felt weak. While I was recovering Paul was laughing hysterically. While laughing he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and slammed it onto the table, all the while informing me what a gullible dumb-*** I had just been. Yep, you guessed it…that cheating ******* placed the cattle prod on his wallet when he “zapped” himself.

That cheatin’ *******.

And all this time I thought I was the only one stupid enough to inflict that sort of torture upon myself. It's nice to know that I have some company. Thanks ChecksWrecks.

 

[Checkswrecks]

Whoa -

I've done some dumb things, but never given myself that kind of shock KNOWINGLY. Read the top couple of lines. This one wuznt me!!!

One that was - my little brother and I were hunting doves on a dairy farm a few years back and I was knowingly on my knees next to an electric fence at the shrub-line. Didn't realize how close I was and the damn thing touched the back of my shoulder blade, going to ground at my shins. Of course, putting that much electricity through muscles, they tend to do what muscles do, they contract, and they do it RIGHT NOW. All I heard was a CRACK and the next thing I've got a face full of mud. Russell said (between gasps for air as he was laughing hysterically) that it was the darndest thing to see me go from kneeling to a true full-powered face-flop into the mud.

Bob

 

[fjrchik]

oh yeah! keep em comin! i'm laughin my *** off!!!! :haha:

 

[okmac]

Another dumb story.

My older brother and I were in our teen's and growing up on a farm. One day my brother , for reasons unknown, decided to urinate on the electric fence. Now this was no ordinary electric fence , no, this was called a weed cutter because it would burn thru weeds and cut them off so the fence would not be shorted out.

I shall always remember the picture of him shaking violently and trying to scream. He went on to father 7 children so it evidently did no harm.

Mac

 

[GunMD]

Whoa -I've done some dumb things, but never given myself that kind of shock KNOWINGLY. Read the top couple of lines. This one wuznt me!!!

Oh. I uhhh. Well you see....I didn't uhh...errr.

****, I gotta start reading more closely BEFORE I admit to really stupid stuff.

 

[Jaycen]

Ijust about peeedddd my pants laughing......

 

[red2kcbr]

Ah, yes, electricity. We were young newlyweds, putting up our first Christmas tree. This was a long time ago, when the tree lights were those larger bulbs than those mini-lights we use now. So I'm troubleshooting the light string before installation, and I notice one bulb not burning. Bad bulb, I thought. So I switched out the suspect bulb with a known good bulb burning brightly a little farther down the string. Still no joy. Ah ha, says I, must be a bad socket. Noticing that the socket is about the diameter of my little finger, I thought I'd check out the bad socket. Now, my young wife is watching all this intently. Needless to say, there wasn't anything wrong with the socket, and 110 volts of 60 cycle grabs me hard. I finally shake loose from it, tingling up my whole arm. So I look over and tell her, nope, socket is OK. She still laughs about that.

 

[Bustanut joker]

Stun gun is still funny every time I read it here. Though it does get changed a little each time.

Cattle prod is killer there Gun.

All this stuff reminds me of a buddy i used to work for, always trying new ways to shock each other.... Hey you kill the power to this? yep go ahead and cut it loose! he says while standing next to the service panel. Damn I never learned :dribble: Got him with an improvised plug wire fixed to the drivers seat of his van. Shoulda seen his face when she fired up :lol2: :lol2:

:jester:

 

[Toecutter]

One day my brother , for reasons unknown, decided to urinate on the electric fence. Now this was no ordinary electric fence , no, this was called a weed cutter because it would burn thru weeds and cut them off so the fence would not be shorted out.
I shall always remember the picture of him shaking violently and trying to scream. He went on to father 7 children so it evidently did no harm.

Except to Darwin's theory....

 

[RayW]

OK, OK....enough already!! I already got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard while trying to suppress it so I don't wake the wife up!! :rofl:

Reminds me of my old vocational high school days in the electronics lab. It's amazing how much of a charge you can put into a capacitor. You could REALLY charge it up good with the meg-ohm meter that we used for testing the insulation on electric motor windings. We learned real fast to inspect tools for wires before we picked them up and NEVER EVER catch anything that anybody threw to you.

Ray

 

[Checkswrecks]

Ahh -Juvey - I mean - Vocational education - I remember it well.

In airplane mechanic's school we had a thin-wall tube welding class with about 20 "desks" that had refractory brick sitting in a tray of angle iron on a metal plate. Great idea. It's pretty hard to hurt refractory bricks and when one would crack, the instructor could just put in a replacement. he he he - Well so far so good.

A bunch of us could weld pretty good before ever going to the school and the class know-it-all just had to tell us how good he was. He learned - like the previous day. I was sitting across from the ******* and we had a looong animosity going. He went to get some new rod or something, so I turned off my oxy and put my torch on his desk. He lit back up, and adjusting to a nice perfect flame took forever. EVERYBODY but him must've known because the class went quiet. He brought his torch down and when it hit the acetylene between the bricks there was the biggest bang and suddenly the boy wonder was on his feet sputtering. :yahoo:

Then there was the time ....

 

[spike13]

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

That was an awesome story. I am looking at my cats and still laughing. :lol:

 

[RayW]

Just showed this one to my wife. Got her laughing too. She said she was surprised you could get that much juice out of a couple AA batteries. After all...they don't seem to last that long in the vibrator. :blink:

Ray

 

[odot]

Um.....ok...leaving that one alone.