Lost my Mother

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kaitsdad

I'm confused - Just ask my Wife.
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Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in March of 2010, and it's been a very difficult, yet interesting year since. On Friday the 8th, she suffered a massive stroke while at breakfast at the facility, and chose to leave us yesterday morning.

 

I, my brother and sister are very relieved.

 

Known as the "Long Goodbye," Alzheimer's must be one of the hardest ways to go - the total loss of your memories, not able to recognize your children, completely dependent upon others for your activities of daily living. It's hard on the family as well - that person that used to be part of your life and who made incredible potato salad and yams at family gatherings goes away - and will never come back. You say your good byes, and then you wait, and you wait, and you wait.... until finally it ends. It's Finally, Finally, over.

 

It's been a sucky two years, to say the least.

 

One of the things that helps the family is knowledge. Understanding.

 

Questions are many and varied, and ramp themselves out of your consciousness at the most inopportune times. You're constantly surprised. Having answers available quells your anxiety, and helps to make the process almost tolerable. Almost. Just not quite.

 

There are many sources of information out there thanks to the internet - but understanding what it is and what it does is paramount to getting through it. PBS.org did a documentary on Alzheimer's in 2006 - and I've found it valuable in my education. The Forgetting - WATCH THIS!

 

I know that some, if not many of you out there in my virtual FJR family either have been affected, or will be affected by Alzheimer's. So please watch the PBS show.

 

Why am I posting this?

 

I'm not quite sure. Perhaps others can learn from my experience. I've done the gamut. My sister and I have done the Medicare-Medi-cal-Kaiser-incontinence supplies-filloutaform dance many, many times - and we've had to discover a lot of it on our own. I have wonderful friends that have been through this, and having them as a sounding board has been huge. And they always had a beer ready.

 

Maybe some of you out there that are facing what I've just gone through can call me - and maybe I can help. Or maybe I can just listen.

 

Just so you won't have to dance so hard.

 

 

Bernice Marie Turner

Nov 15, 1924 - Apr 17, 2011. Rest In Peace, Nana. We all miss you.

 

God Bless.

 
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Wow man...I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad you are relieved, but I have some insight into the issues you have been dealing since your mom's diagnosis. My wife's grandmother passed after about 5 years of the same thing. One day she was great and the next, she was not the same woman. Alzheimer's can be devistating to a family.

I'm glad you guys stuck together and pulled through. I'm still sorry for the loss of your mom though. My dad passing is still very fresh in my mind, and some days, I find myself very sad and missing him very much. As one of your "virtual family" you will be in our prayers.

 
I lost my Mom in January this year in a opposite way as you did. Her body slowly gave out over a 2 year stay in the convalescent hospital after a fall. In some ways I think this is even harder as the loved one is aware of what is happening to them and while the mind wants to get up and go the body can't. It was so hard to explain to her that she couldn't go home due to her physical limitations as she really disliked that place.

I applaud your effort to educate folks on what is a tough event to go through either way. Losing a loved one slowly is so hard on everyone. Hospice was such a great help, what a top notch operation. I wish they could run our government as things would be much better with them in control.

Peace to you and your family. Doug

 
Hal .... you and your family will be in our thoughts. Sorrow and relief at the same time, quite understandable in the circumstances.

Per Richard ... if there is anything you need that we can offer, please ask.

Rog n Deb.

 
I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a father to cancer and I can relate to your family's grief. Please know that she gave you the greatest gift of love and remembrance that life could bestow and that all in your mother's circle of family, friends, and loved ones were blessed by her presence.

Take care.

Bob Gillies

 
Extremely sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to dementia a few years ago. My parents were not well off but still lived a full life but caring for my mother was too hard on my father and he suffered a stroke and did not recover.

At that point we had no options but to place my mother into a facility and proceeded to have the long wait as my mother lapsed further into the dementia. It was two very long years before my mother passed on.

The family supported each other through this time and the facility were very helpful in the process. My parents had been very active in the community and there were many friends that added support through this time.

It was a difficult time but thankfully my mother passed away peacefully and I am left left very fond memories of my parents.

 
Two years in June for me since I lost my Mom and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. My dad died when I was a kid so she was all I had. The waiting is the worst, seeing her waste away. I try to get through to my kids to enjoy the people you love as often as possible because you never know when they won't be here any longer. Best wishes to you and your sister.

 
My condolences for your family's loss

My mom died suddenly in Apil 2007 (stroke) . We had no idea to what extent she had been covering for my dad's cognitive deficits until she was gone. He was diagnosed with Alheimer's in August of that year and I cared for him until he passed away the following July.

The toughest part for me, personally, was the complete role reversal. Or maybe it was just the loss of my role as his daughter.

My dad had always taken care of all of us. It was a great source of pride for him. Over a short span of time tho, I became the parent, he became my ward. Christmas 2007, we were out shopping and we got separated in the store. I heard him asking a clerk if he had seen his wife, as we'd gotten separated in the shuffle. He couldn't place in his mind know who I was anymore. I'd become my mom. I guess because she always took care of him, and I had taken on that role. Dunno, that's my best guess.

That night I bawled my eyes out in bed, for hours.

Even though he died in July 2008, I lost my "dad" over a year earlier.

I still miss them both, terribly, EVERY damned day.

:(

 
Wow...tears come to my eyes as I read this. :( :(

I don't know you Hal, but I am very sorry for your loss. May you be comforted by your friends and family in this sorrowful time...may the many great memories of your mom be a comfort amidst the tears.

 
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So sorry to hear of your loss. My dad died in October 2009, and went fast, which, in retrospect, was a good thing. He had spinal meningitis, which went in to his brain and became encephalitis. If he had lived, he would have had severely diminished mental capacity, which he wouldn't have wanted. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.

 
Dear Hal, Sorry for your loss and you are in our Prayers. Seth's Grammy, My Mom, also suffers from Alzheimer's; some days she recognizes her Son and Grandson, and some days she does not. May she rest in Peace! God's Love, Don and Seth Stanley

 
Very rough business, losing a parent. I lost my mom to cancer at an incredibly young age - she was only 65 - but she grew up in an era where smoking 2 packs a day was the norm. We lost her in 1999.

And it still hurts. Every damn day.

Condolences, Hal..... losing someone close to Alzheimer's is beyond tragic.

 
My condolences to you & yours, Hal. That is terribly tragic. Reading all of these accounts has made me teary-eyed.

 
My condolences. Lost my pop last year to the alztimers (glad he went as the last time I saw him he didn't know who I was) He was duke's orignal owner, in fact why duke rides is because I wanted to take duke on the bike to visit him.

 
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