One for Beemerdons

[Surly]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge,

hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.

She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked,

"What man here will buy a lady another drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Think of Don often. Rest In Peace Mate.

 

[bigjohnsd]

In the spirit:

The Irish Nun and warm milk

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.

Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.

The frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "DON'T SELL THAT COW."

JSNS

 

[juniorfjr]

Picture of Don Stanley posted on FB by his love Donna has brought many memories to life. His presence was large and he is missed. RIP Pappa Chuey, three years now.

 

[dcarver]

Miss my ******* buddy a lot..

 

[gregory]

Good one Surly,

Don would have loved that one...

 

[Surly]

I hope so Gregory.

 

[dcarver]

 

[Niehart]

So much for the English and Irish problem. Death Valley, another Don Special, was a great run. https://www.facebook.com/david.black.96780/videos/10156964359904628/

 

[Knifemaker]

A Texan walks into an Irish Pub (in Ireland) and loudly clears his throat. Everyone looks up and he says:

"I've heard that the Irish are the best and biggest drinkers in the world. Well I'll give $500 to anyone here that can down 10 pints of Guinness one right after the other in under two minutes"

The crowd remains quiet, no one steps up to take on the challenge, and one young man gets up and quickly leaves as the Texan watches. After a few moments everyone goes back to their conversations, and the Texan just shrugs and takes a seat at the bar.

After about ten minutes, the man that left returns, and goes up to the Texan, and says,

"Is that offer you made still good?"

"Sure is partner, you wanna give it a try?"

The young man shakes his head in agreement and the Texan gets the bartender to line up the 10 pints on the bar.

Quickly, the young Irishman downs each beer, one right after the other, in under one minute!

The Texan, impressed, counts out 5 one hundred dollar bills. The lad picks it up an smiles. The Texan still amazed asks,

"I remember you,you were the guy that left a bit ago. When you left here, where did you go?"

"Oh, after I heard your offer, I walked down the road to the other pub to see if I could do it....."

 

[Tyler]

Dammit... out of likes!!

 

[bigjohnsd]

THE DIAGNOSIS

Paddy stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor.

"What's the matter?" Seamus asks as he walks in.

Paddy replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."

"Good!" says Seamus. "That was a nasty little habit you had!"

WEDDING NIGHT

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says:

"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"

BAD AIM

Paddy and Seamus went to London to become sperm donors.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Seamus came on the bus!

THE TALLY

Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar.

Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town.

"Except me mammy, of course!"

"Well then," says Seamus. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!"

FOUR REASONS JESUS MUST'VE BEEN IRISH

1) He lived at home until he was 30

2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates

3) His mam thought he was God

4) He thought his mam was a virgin

IRISH SWINGERS

Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing ***, Paddy says: "I wonder how the girls are getting on".

TRAINWRECK OF A NIGHT

Paddy's walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track.

He frees her and takes her home where they make passionate love all night.

The next day Paddy's drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before.

"So what does she look like Paddy?" asks Seamus.

"I don't know," replies Paddy. "I haven't found her head yet!"

 

[BigOgre]

Ohh, that last one. Very proud of you John!