beemerdons
Certifiable Old Fart
HOW TO OPERATE YOUR FJR M/C IN PHOENIX!
Safe Motorcycling for “FEE-NICKS.”
This is mostly review for AZ FJR Forum Members, but in case your FJR friends or family are expected to be riding in town this is mandatory for their safety:
1) You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is “FEE-NICKS”.
2) The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3) The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered “wussy”.
4) Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5) If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6) Never honk at anyone…ever! Seriously! It’s another offense that can get you shot.
7) Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.
8) Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9) Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the “I-10” are the same road. SR-202 is the same as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street, too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. Interstate 17 is also called the Black Canyon Freeway, as well as, The Veterans Memorial Highway, and if all that isn’t enough to remember, State Route 51 has recently been renamed Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was way too easy to pronounce. SR-101 is also the Pima FWY, except west of I-17, which is also the Black Canyon FWY, and the Veterans Memorial HWY, west of I-17, it is known as the Agua Fria FWY. Last, but certainly not least, Thunderbird Road becomes Cactus Road, but Cactus Road does not become Thunderbird Road, because it dead-ends at a mountain. This all makes perfect sense to you, doesn’t it? Not to us Zonies!
10) If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”
11) If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
12) For summer motorcycle riding, it is highly advisable to wear potholders on your hands!
Safe Motorcycling for “FEE-NICKS.”
This is mostly review for AZ FJR Forum Members, but in case your FJR friends or family are expected to be riding in town this is mandatory for their safety:
1) You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is “FEE-NICKS”.
2) The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3) The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered “wussy”.
4) Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5) If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6) Never honk at anyone…ever! Seriously! It’s another offense that can get you shot.
7) Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.
8) Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9) Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the “I-10” are the same road. SR-202 is the same as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive are the same street, too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. Interstate 17 is also called the Black Canyon Freeway, as well as, The Veterans Memorial Highway, and if all that isn’t enough to remember, State Route 51 has recently been renamed Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was way too easy to pronounce. SR-101 is also the Pima FWY, except west of I-17, which is also the Black Canyon FWY, and the Veterans Memorial HWY, west of I-17, it is known as the Agua Fria FWY. Last, but certainly not least, Thunderbird Road becomes Cactus Road, but Cactus Road does not become Thunderbird Road, because it dead-ends at a mountain. This all makes perfect sense to you, doesn’t it? Not to us Zonies!
10) If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”
11) If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
12) For summer motorcycle riding, it is highly advisable to wear potholders on your hands!
