***** Sightings....

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FJRONAMISSION

Flying at the speed of smell ;))
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***** SIGHTINGS

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it’s not." Four is larger than two.."

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

==

My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

==

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here. I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS .

==

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City

==:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That’s why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

==

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

==

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

==

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

==

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it’s open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

:eek: :lol: :lol: :lol:

=============

Enjoy.........

 
True story: I went to MacDonald's one day and asked for a couple of Big Macs. "How many is that?" the ckerk asked. :dribble:

 
mine are computer help desk experiences over the years...phone support:

Secretary: it says to hit the any key...where's the "any" key ???

I walked up to a user's desk after she called me about installing a department's custom utility that came on a CD ROM

I kept telling her to insert the CD using the appropriate drive...she said she didn't think she had a CD drive

when I got there, guess on what "tray" her coffee was sitting on !!!

 
This last week I have been getting some bids for some minor roofing and painting to my house. One guy calls me at work saying that all the rubber is rotted out and that I should just take the whole patio roof off and start over. I'm confused, don't think that I have any "rubber" to the patio roof, but what the hell, I work in a hospital, so what do I know? Well, I do know that my patio ain't that bad, so I ask him, where are you at and who are you calling thinking that he has the wrong project. Right name and address so I'm still confused as to why he wants to rip out a perfectly good patio roof. Well, I am super busy and multitasking way to much thinking he just wants to rip me off when he starts talking about reusing the corrugated tin for the rebuild, to which I reply I don't have any of that when it dawns on him that he really is in the wrong backyard.

I'm still waiting on the bid (that I don't think will be coming anytime soon, not that I'll use him)

 
True story. 1995.

I just moved to rural Douglas County, Oregon (Biggest "City" in the county at the time had 14,500 people).

I was in line at a checkout at a Fred Meyer (think small Walmart). A woman I never met turned around and asked, "You talk funny, are you from around here?" I replied, "No, I'm from Boston." Her next question: "Are you Christian?" I am surprised at the personal question, but don't want to be rude in my new town, so I say, "I was raised Catholic." She looked puzzled as she asked, "Is that Christian?"

 
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True story. 1995.
I just moved to rural Douglas County, Oregon (Biggest "City" in the county at the time had 14,500 people).

I was in line at a checkout at a Fred Meyer (think small Walmart). A woman I never met turned around and asked, "You talk funny, are you from around here?" I replied, "No, I'm from Boston." Her next question: "Are you Christian?" I am surprised at the personal question, but don't want to be rude in my new town, so I say, "I was raised Catholic." She looked puzzled as she asked, "Is that Christian?"
picard_facepalm.jpg


Some people need to get out a little more often

 
more ***** sightings,,, ( will be funnier to the gun folks in the crowd)

I'm retired and work at a gun store part time..

Guy calls on the phone. He wants to know about an AR-15. So I'm telling him about some of the features of the AR.

I mention it's gas operated. , He then asks, How often do you have to put gas in it ? :blink:

( for the non gun folks ,, the AR bleeds off gases ( exhaust) from the fired round to operate the action)

Guy calls on the phone. He wants to know if we have any 9x18 High Power ammo. I tell him we have 9x18 Makarov ammo.

He tells me that they make two types of ammo ,, the Regular and the High Power. I ask him how he knows it's High Power?

His answer was it states it right on the box ,,, it's marked 9x18 HP !! No Sir, we do not have any 9x18 High Power Ammo.

( and all these years I thought it stood for hollow point ,,,,,,, learn something new every day,)

Guy calls on the phone. Wants to know if I have a magazine for a .380 ? I ask what's the magazine for ? In a rather nasty

voice he states ,, I told you it's for a .380 !!!! I say , no Sir, I mean what brand of firearm is it ??

He states,, it's a CAL 380 ... I think for a second trying to think what a CAL is ,,, then I remember ,,,

CAL 380 ,,, as in Caliber .380... marked on the barrel ..... No sir,,, we don't have any of those...

A man and a woman are in the store. The guy is looking at a firearm. A couple of isles over there is a electronic coyote call

set-up and yelping (annoying as hell after listening to it for a time) ...

The lady hearing the coyote call ,, Asks in a somewhat irritated voice , Do You sell puppies here for people to shoot ??!!

:blink: WTF :dribble:

Since I had just polished my horns,,

I looked at her with a straight face and said,,, Yes,, and the baby kitten are the next isle over..

( I did tell her later it was a coyote call)

There's more ,, I've often thought of writing a book...

 
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Ok here's my absolutely true story...

I was at a trade show in Louisville Kentucky. One of the "givaways" we were handing out at our booth were pedometers. A young woman approached the booth and asked what they were and I explained that they were pedometers and counted how many steps you took. I explained further that about 2000 steps equaled a mile to which she thought for a moment and replied...

"It's probably less for me because I walk faster than most people."

To which I replied, "Yes, you are probably right" (sometimes it's just not worth the effort to try and correct people)

 
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Ok here's my absolutely true story...
I was at a trade show in Louisville Kentucky. One of the "givaways" we were handing out at our booth were pedometers. A young woman approached the booth and asked what they were and I explained that they were pedometers and counted how many steps you took. I explained further that about 2000 steps equaled a mile to which she thought for a moment and replied...

"It's probably less for me because I walk faster than most people."

To which I replied, "Yes, you are probably right" (sometimes it's just not worth the effort to try and correct people)
......Good one......... :rolleyes:

 
I worked on a tour boat on the Mississippi River for a couple of summers..... you'd be surprised how many people actually ask, "How long is your one hour cruise?"

At 82 my mom never was an *****, but she does get a bit confused now. I recently gave her a new cell phone which, unlike her older one, had not been set up to allow her to retrieve her phone messages by pushing a single button. It required her to enter her password (which was set up as "9999") after following the voice prompts when she wanted to check her voice mail. We discussed it, and tried it a couple of times.

So a couple of months later off she goes to Las Vegas for a couple of days .... no doubt pissing away my inheritance. She calls me to complain that she can't retrieve her voice mails. I asked her if she was following the voice prompts and using "9999"?

She said yes, and has told "the girl" several times but she keeps asking the same question. Mom said she finally lost her cool in the hotel lobby and yelled, "9999 you dumb *****!" and hung up. I asked if she was saying "9999" or punching the "9" button four times?

Long pause as the light came on for her.

I just hope the folks in the hotel lobby were wondering what the German lady was so mad about and yelling "no" for. :lol:

B)

 
I worked on a tour boat on the Mississippi River for a couple of summers..... you'd be surprised how many people actually ask, "How long is your one hour cruise?"
At 82 my mom never was an *****, but she does get a bit confused now. I recently gave her a new cell phone which, unlike her older one, had not been set up to allow her to retrieve her phone messages by pushing a single button. It required her to enter her password (which was set up as "9999") after following the voice prompts when she wanted to check her voice mail. We discussed it, and tried it a couple of times.

So a couple of months later off she goes to Las Vegas for a couple of days .... no doubt pissing away my inheritance. She calls me to complain that she can't retrieve her voice mails. I asked her if she was following the voice prompts and using "9999"?

She said yes, and has told "the girl" several times but she keeps asking the same question. Mom said she finally lost her cool in the hotel lobby and yelled, "9999 you dumb *****!" and hung up. I asked if she was saying "9999" or punching the "9" button four times?

Long pause as the light came on for her.

I just hope the folks in the hotel lobby were wondering what the German lady was so mad about and yelling "no" for. :lol:

B)
Funny........... and real.......... :D :D :blink:

B.....

 
In high school on the final health class exam one of the 'fill in the blank' questions was something to the effect of: "What is a drug that claims to cure everything?" In the health books they called them a 'cure all'. I wrote down 'panacea'. I got it wrong--only question I got wrong. When I questioned the wrong answer the response I got from the coach was "Son if I don't know what the word means then it's wrong!" At that age even I could figure out that something have no comeback and aren't worth arguing.

 
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Many years ago, a friend and I went to Arizona to bowhunt for Javelina. Not long afterward, we were at a party at his house and he was telling the story to a girl he was dating. After he showed her the picture of him and his kill, she asked "Was it on the ground or flying when you shot it?". He calmly replied "Uh, they're pigs." Then he discreetly made his way over to tell the story to me and a couple other outdoor savvy guests. There were roars....

 
Many years ago, a friend and I went to Arizona to bowhunt for Javelina. Not long afterward, we were at a party at his house and he was telling the story to a girl he was dating. After he showed her the picture of him and his kill, she asked "Was it on the ground or flying when you shot it?". He calmly replied "Uh, they're pigs." Then he discreetly made his way over to tell the story to me and a couple other outdoor savvy guests. There were roars....
...... Sounds like a blond joke.......... :lol: :lol:

 
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