The Parrot, She is Dead

[Pterodactyl]

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house in Palm Desert.

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead.

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?

"Si, Señor, that's the one.

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob .

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?

"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.

"Dead horse? What dead horse?

"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob ..

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?

"Yes, Señor Bob , he died from all that work pulling the water cart.

"Are you insane? What water cart?

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor.

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!

"Yes, Señor Bob ..

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?

"For the funeral, Señor Bob .

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!

"Your wife's, Señor Bob, Senora Bev . She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her

with your new Ping G410 titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft.

SILENCE..

LONG SILENCE

VERY LONG SILENCE

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep ****."

 

[Knifemaker]

Thought it was going another direction, like this one:

A family went on vacation, leaving their maid to tend to house while they were gone,along with taking care of grandma, who was too old to travel with them, and feed their pet cat.

After a few days the dad called the maid to see how things were going, and she said:

"Your cat died"

The man was upset with this. He said "You shouldn't just blurt something like that right out like that! You should have eased me into it by saying something like..' The cat got onto the roof. We called the fire department and they did their best to get him down, but he jumped got injured and was taken to the animal hospital...they did what they could, but his injuries were too severe, and I'm sorry to

say he passed away'..."

"I understand " said the maid.

"It's OK. Just try and lessen the shock with news like that. So how's mom doing without us?" He asked.

"Well....." said the maid, "She got out onto the roof........."

 

[philter]

I shouldn't but:

A lady had a parrot that cursed badly and went to the parrot psychologist to see how to get it to stop cursing. The psychologist told

her that whenever the parrot cursed to put it in the freezer for a couple of minutes because parrots are tropical birds and averse to

the cold. The next time the parrot started a string of cursing she put him in the freezer for a couple of minutes. When she took him

out he immediately prolaimed AWWWK, What did the chickens do?