The Rectum Stretcher

[NTXFJR]

The leo encounter on the Colorado plains reminded me of this one.

For those who haven't heard this one before:

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (25 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing look we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

to which she replied, "I'm late for an appointment officer, I have an important medical procedure to perform."

"Oh?" said the cop, "what type of medicine do you parctice?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

The cop was speechless, "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot rectum??" he asked.

Well, she replied, "Usually they get a radar gun and park behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $195.00
Court Costs. $450.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

 

[RaYzerman19]

 

[wheatonFJR]

Ray,

Clean those up before you use them next time. You might get yer **** dirty.

 

[Uncle Hud]

The label says they'll cure lots of ills. Gonna put them on the "Pay It Forward" thread?

 

[wheatonFJR]

The label says they'll cure lots of ills. Gonna put them on the "Pay It Forward" thread?

What? And just GIVE em away?!

 

[Poolboytoo]

My issue with this whole/hole? thing is, one looks clean and the others are still really dusty. How did you dust the "clean" one?

 

[Laser Dude]

From the shinyness of that one, I guess it's safe to say Ray is a "Medium"

It's deeply disturbing that Ray was able to produce photos so quickly. No wonder Bill sleeps with one eye open.

 

[RaYzerman19]

How the hell you think I keep Bill from snoring? Swat him on the *** and leave the lid open, I sleep like a baby while he sits on the edge of the bed all night.

Truth is, if you want to see these glass marvels in person, go visit the Curtiss museum in Hammondsport, NY.

 

[eflyguy]

(Starting to understand the makeup of this forum..)

 

[wnyfjr]

(Starting to understand the makeup of this forum..)

Kinda scary and off-putting, ain't it?

 

[Fred W]

1. 
   

   dys·pep·sia
   disˈpepsēə,disˈpepSHə/
   noun
   
   indigestion.

Hmmm... Never considered jamming something up my *** to cure indigestion. Maybe they are on to something here.

 

[Laser Dude]

1. 
   

   dys·pep·sia
   disˈpepsēə,disˈpepSHə/
   noun
   
   indigestion.

Hmmm... Never considered jamming something up my *** to cure indigestion. Maybe they are on to something here.

Be aware, if you are medium in U.S. sizes, you'll be a L or XL from Alpinestars or Dainese.

 

[puppychow]

In the original joke - it was a 6 foot ***-hole, but this works also I suppose.

 

[Uncle Hud]

Hmmm... Never considered jamming something up my *** to cure indigestion. Maybe they are on to something here.

Or half of the other listed ailments. Insomnia?

"Ask your doctor if Rectal Dilators are right for you ..."

 

[LKLD]

If you need to ask a doctor if a rectal stretcher is right for you, then it probably is. JSNS

 

[HotRodZilla]

Rectum? Almost killed 'em!

BTW, My dad used to love that joke!

 

[SacramentoMike]

^ ^ ^ Yeah, me too.

1. 
   

   dys·pep·sia
   disˈpepsēə,disˈpepSHə/
   noun
   
   indigestion.

Hmmm... Never considered jamming something up my *** to cure indigestion. Maybe they are on to something here.

Had the same reaction to seeing "Nervousness" listed, Fred. Cause it? No doubt. Cure it? Don't think so.

 

[Pterodactyl]

I've heard that undertakers use a similar device to prevent leakage. I think is really used as a final test to prove that their clients are truely deceased.