Today's joke.

[Zorlac]

A couple wanted to join the church. The pastor told

them, "We have a special requirement for new member

couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole

month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks

returned to the church. When the Pastor ushered them

into his office, the wife was crying and the husband

was obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...

Is there a problem?", the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not

manage to abstain from sex for the required month.",

the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult...However, we

managed to abstain. Through sheer willpower."

"The second week was terrible, but with the use of

prayer, we managed to abstain."

"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried

cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible; anything

to keep our minds off carnal thoughts."

"One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint

and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I

was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her

right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate

sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done

we were both drenched In sweat." admitted the man,

shamefacedly.

The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You

understand this means you will not be welcome in our

church."

"We know.", said the young man, hanging his head,

"We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

 

[mutha1300]

What's the difference between a cactus and a Porsche??

The prick is on the outside of a cactus...Yuck, yuck..

 

[Zorlac]

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69." More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... "You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegtable? "

 

[Hopzilla]

rorring on froor raughing madry