When Insults Had Class

[ionbeam]

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got

boiled down to 4-letter words:

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or

your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - said Walter Kerr about Churchill.

To which Churchill replied: "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of

the vices I admire."

- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great

pleasure."

- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the

dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading

it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved

of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a

friend... if you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first

night, will attend second...

if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -

Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' -

Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -

Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -

Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar

Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support,

rather than illumination."

- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

 

[LDRydr]

These are great. I love it when people really know how to use words.

The exchange between Churchill & unknown woman:

She said, "Why, Mr. Churchill, I do believe you're drunk!"

To which he replies, “And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning.”

 

[bikesniffer]

Love all of them...

a few people come to mind where many of these would apply perfectly :yahoo:

 

[cota95]

Excellent...

 

[zip]

I'm not a huge TV guy, but if you all hadn't ever watched the HBO series "Deadwood," you'd be in for a real treat. The language is extremely coarse, but one character in the show, a semi-heroic villain, Swearingen (aptly named), speaks in phrases like this nearly all the time. The writing is absolutely brilliant.

Find the series on DVD.

 

[Duezzer]

There is a set of quotes out there by Winston Churchhill and someone that chalanged his use of the english language that I can not find

WC had been told his use of the English language was horid by someone - he/she was correcting what he/she thought was a gamerical error of his

so in WC nice way he replied with a writing that seems unreadable but is gramerically correct and basically tells the complainer to piss off because I know more about the English language and can use it in ways your little peas of a brain will never comprehend

If anyone knows these quotes please pass them along

Thanks and have a Fairly Nice Day

 

[bikesniffer]

..it's always chalanging to climb a Church Hill, especially when all the horid gravel is gramerically in your way and constantly creates gramerical errors for your line of riding... <_< <_<

Alfred

 

[Duezzer]

..it's always chalanging to climb a Church Hill, especially when all the horid gravel is gramerically in your way and constantly creates gramerical errors for your line of riding...

Alfred

:yes: So True, so very true

 

[Capt. Bob]

Just plain excellent Alan.

Love the last one. Truer words never spoken.

Thanks.

 

[Fred W]

Interesting to see a quote from Sgt. Morgan Sylvester O'Rourke.

For those not familiar with the F troop series, it is a true "campy classic" TV comedy of the '60's, in which, Forrest Tucker was the best real actor by a long shot.

 

[L2M]

Reminds me of the saying, "When a man has to resort to swearing to express himself, his vocabulary is too sparse". That said, eloquent statements, like those above, are not the first to spring to mind when I am tempted to make some ill advised comment.

 

[BikerGeek99]

I'm not a huge TV guy, but if you all hadn't ever watched the HBO series "Deadwood," you'd be in for a real treat. The language is extremely coarse, but one character in the show, a semi-heroic villain, Swearingen (aptly named), speaks in phrases like this nearly all the time. The writing is absolutely brilliant.
Find the series on DVD.

+10,000 to Deadwood! I absolutely LOVED that show. We have all 3 seasons on DVD. I think you nailed it, Zip - the language is utterly atrocious, and the writing... Wow! There were too many times I'd have to listed to a line a couple of times to figure out what they were really saying.

Best of all - there's a Deadwood drinking game!! Any time anyone says "corksucker" (not really corksucker, but you know what I mean) you drink. The scenes with Wu will get you lit.

Speaking of insults, my all-time favorite 'Yo Mama' insult:

Yo mama is so fat, if she had to haul ass, it'd take 3 trips!

 

[Rolavine]

I called Deadwood 'corksucker' Shakespeare, and loved it. I really liked HBO's Rome series, and True Blood, too.

I am surprised, not one 'your mom is so fat...' joke, ahem.

 

[Duezzer]

Found it

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

Sir Winston Churchill

British politician (1874 - 1965)

Thanks for a the help

 

[FJRBluesman]

That was so classy I didn't notice the insults.

 

[Capt. Bob]

Interesting to see a quote from Sgt. Morgan Sylvester O'Rourke.
For those not familiar with the F troop series, it is a true "campy classic" TV comedy of the '60's, in which, Forrest Tucker was the best real actor by a long shot.

No doubt about it, Tucker was the actor (with a bang and a boom) but Larry Storch played his comical kick in the side (Cpl. Agarn(sp)) pretty well. Storch was a guy whose mug would appear on several different shows in the the sixties and seventies. I remember him showing up on the old classic "Car 54 Where are you?" (Tootie and Muldoon) from time to time. "ooh, ooh,ooh.

 

[BwanaDik]

There is a set of quotes out there by Winston Churchhill and someone that chalanged his use of the english language that I can not find
WC had been told his use of the English language was horid by someone - he/she was correcting what he/she thought was a gamerical error of his

so in WC nice way he replied with a writing that seems unreadable but is gramerically correct and basically tells the complainer to piss off because I know more about the English language and can use it in ways your little peas of a brain will never comprehend

If anyone knows these quotes please pass them along

Thanks and have a Fairly Nice Day

I believe it was WRT to the bombing of London when a reported challenged WC because he said "This is something we will not put up with" as bad grammer. WC fixed it by saying "This is something up with which we will not put" which I believe is correct, even if it sounds dumb. Prepositions.

Found it: Grammer

 

[Steel]

My favorite Churchill quote

"To every man there comes in his life that special moment… when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered that chance to do a very special thing. Unique to him, and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for that work."

Now... a little brevity:

Your momma is so fat...

She thinks gravy is a beverage!

She has to iron her pants in the driveway!

She sweats syrup!

She has been declared a natural habitat for Condors!

She had to go to Sea World to get baptized!

She fell in love... and broke it!

She wakes up in sections!

Everytime she walks in high heels she strikes oil!

When she dances at a concert the band skips!

When I got on top of her my ears popped!

I had to roll over twice to get off of her!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

[Fred W]

My favorite Churchill quote
"To every man there comes in his life that special moment… when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered that chance to do a very special thing. Unique to him, and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for that work."

That is a good one.

I don't recall seeing you here before, so "welcome"! We can always use a few keen minds on here. Heavens knows we have enough of the other... (yours truly included )