When you're feeling Stupid

[Big-D]

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a *******, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al ****, Vice President

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to

your brilliant friends.

I just did!

 

[beemerdons]

You irritatingly incompetent and

 

infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats!

This is actually my favorite famous person quote!!!

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

640K ought to be enough for anybody… -- Bill Gates, 1981

Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value… -- Marshal Ferdinand Foch in 1911

Are you a guitarist, too?… -- Queen Elizabeth II, to Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese… -- Charles De Gaulle

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons… -- Popular Mechanics

 

[Crash Cash]

"Unfortunately with motorcycles not much protection with a motorcycle and when involved with motorcycle car or motorcycle anything accident unfortunately riders of motorcycle takes brunt of injuries."

-- Lt. James Hoekman, Minnehaha County Sheriff's Department, as reported by the New York Times

 

[HotRodZilla]

I was once at the scene of a dead guy who had a bullet hole in his head. At the time, we weren't entirely sure how it got there, but the guy who was the second in command over the department I used to work for had the following sound information:

"Well, I'm thinking this looks like either a homicide or a suicide."

 

[beemerdons]

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

640K ought to be enough for anybody… -- Bill Gates, 1981

Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value… -- Marshal Ferdinand Foch in 1911

Are you a guitarist, too?… -- Queen Elizabeth II, to Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese… -- Charles De Gaulle

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons… -- Popular Mechanics

Goats are my favorites! -- M. McNamara

Shiny, fixed it for you; You're Welcome, Happy New Year!

 

[Bounce]

Are you a guitarist, too?… -- Queen Elizabeth II, to Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page

how many guitarists had she met that day before he greeted her?

 

[HuskyRider]

"'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" --a Tweet sent by Sarah Palin in response to being ridiculed for inventing the word "refudiate," proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010

 

[BikerGeek99]

"Can't go riding today. I've got altitude sickness." - BustanutJoker, CFR 2010

 

[rbentnail]

[whilst pulling the pin and handing a CO2 fire extinguisher to a coworker] "Here. Put me out if I catch on fire."

rbentnail, July 2007

Still LMAO!!