You couldn't make it up.....................

[Donal]

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA)

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.'
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.'
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.'
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.'
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)

Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.'
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.'
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

 

[bwv]

Hehe... story of my life...

 

[retro]

"We have to pass it to find out what's in it."

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi

 

[Fred W]

Working for a large company, I am a big Dilbert Fan

 

[C&C]

True story: (happened to me) Painter getting ready to paint two bathrooms in a hall near where my lab was located.

Me: You know that those two bathrooms are part of a renovation project that will eliminate them both and is to begin next week.

Painter: Yeah I know but my boss told me to paint them (and it will take more time to convince him that I'm not trying to get out of work) than it is to just paint them.

Epilogue: The bathrooms were painted over the next two days (and were destructed) the very next week.

 

[bwv]

I find myself putting Dilbert strips on my screen saver at work... Incrediby effective when we use my laptop to do a webex or training and they pop up in front of a room full of people...

I especially like the one that goes somethign like:

"Hey Dilbert can you stop my house by after work and fix my computer?"... to which Dilbert replies "Sure, and while I am doing that, you can be at my house cleaning the grout in my shower."

 

[Fred W]

Maybe we should start a thread for a "Daily dose of Dilbert?"

 

[NMRoadRunner]

Damn! everyone of thoes people have worked here where I do recently. In fact they still offer guidence to my boss, and he takes it and uses it.

 

[mcatrophy]

Head of the Instrmentation Department of a large, well known engineering company, that I once worked for, during a technical meeting:

"Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's made up."

 

[RossKean]

One of my favorites in this age of ISO

https://dilbert.com/dyn/str_strip/000000000/00000000/0000000/000000/10000/8000/300/18324/18324.strip.gif

 

[SwollenRaccoon]

I have worked at a very large computer company for 35 years.

To us, the movie "Office Space" is a documentary, not a comedy.

 

[HotRodZilla]

We once responded to a call where a guy had a bullet hole in his head. Our second in command, who knew everything about everything took one look and said, "Well, this is either a homicide or a suicide."

I know...Not your every day office conversations but it's all I've got.

 

[not2shabby]

Did it turn out to be an accident?