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TRIP TO ITALY A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to...

"Pills" The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills! I'm looking for a new place to live..

A guy takes his wife to a disco one Saturday night. There was a dude on the dance floor giving it everything he had--breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her hubby and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The hubby says...

Research shows that there are 7 kinds of ***. The 1st kind of *** is called: Smurf ***. * This kind of *** happens when You first meet someone, and you both have *** until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of *** is called: Kitchen ***. * This is when you have been with your lover for a...

An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says "Hello!". He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back...

ilse of mann Crazy race! I would love to do it some day..check out the video

The mistress A wealthy Italian husband and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and...

We were dressed and ready to go out for the company's New Year's Eve party. We turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. In a few minutes the cab arrived and we...

I was at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog , in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably...

Copy from another forum..funny true story ................................................................................................ I was attacked today by two... turkeys. No, not jive turkeys, real-life-honest-to-God turkeys. In Walnut Creek at the corner of Via Monte and Ygnacio...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning... I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy...

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. (I just turned 65). A little concerned about his comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer...

The squirrel won. ...Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze...

"'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" --a Tweet sent by Sarah Palin in response to being ridiculed for inventing the word "refudiate," proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius...

Positive thoughts for sure! I need tires before hitting the twisties on wet pavement. Trying to wait till spring before laying out the cash. Work is only 5 miles away and the abs has worked real well this last month. See you this weekend hopefully. Domenic

Going to Rain Saturday..I'll see you at the casino for lunch if dry... Domenic

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar And stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story Of a man on the ledge of a large building Preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think...

I was in Hawaii last week riding a Harley. Shorts, flip-flops, and no helmet. Felt like being in free America.

"Any idea what you're getting for your birthday?" asked a blonde of her friend. "Roses from Bob ... that's a given," said the friend. "What's wrong with that?" said the blonde. "Well, he always has 'expectations' after giving me flowers and I don't feel like spending the next three days on my...