beemerdons & Old Michael and the mail order catalogue

[Niehart]

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a

mail order catalogue and admiring the models.

One says to the other,

'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

The second one replies,

'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes,

'Wow, they aren't very expensive.

At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.

'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful

as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest IRISHMAN asks his friend,

'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered

from the catalogue?'

The second IRISHMAN replies......

SCROLL DOWN ... :yahoo:

V

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V

V

V

V

V

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'No, but it shouldn't be long now.

She sent all her clothes yesterday!'

 

[Bustanut joker]

Wonder if Don had Michael try on those clothes? :lol:

:jester:

 

[DABRIT]

Remember Niehart started this ...

Sorry all....................

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

Winter in the PNW there aint much to do, 'specially if yer a ***** !. :yahoo:

DB

 

[Dr. Rich]

The Love of the Irish!

A very old Irishman lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the wake.”

 

[wildirish]

Wow so many irish jokes heard the one about wait it's not Friday yet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Allnight]

Check your timezones...it is Friday in a bunch of the world.

Not that I think the PNW is anywhere near there, though. It kinda sounds like a strange place, based on the stories they have.

 

[Rogue]

Check your timezones...it is Friday in a bunch of the world.
Not that I think the PNW is anywhere near there, though. It kinda sounds like a strange place, based on the stories inhabitants they have.

Fixed it for you.

 

[Khunajawdge]

OK

Ahoy!

I've got to chuck a Czech joke in here just to make sure that the Irish don't take all the credit for it being friday (wherever/whenever the sun comes up) right?

so...

... a guy in Prague has just bailed off of a 10 story building intending to end it all.

As the guy falling, pleasantly passes the fifth floor immensely enjoying the view of the tenement housing floating past, another Czech leans out a window and asks him, "How's it going?"

The Czech falling past floor 5 says; "So far, OK!"

Dobre' Den (...from an American who is quite proud to be of partial Central European decent)

 

[Dr. Rich]

Best joke in Ireland

John O'Rourke hoisted his beer & said, " Here's to spending

the rest of me life between the legs of me wife.

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home & told his wife & she asked him what he said.

He said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife!

"Oh, that is very nice indeed John," Mary said.

The next day Mary ran into one of John's friends on the street.

The man chuckled leeringly & said, "John won the prize at the pub with a toast

about you Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me & I was a bit surprised myself.

You know he's only been there twice in the last four years.

Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by

the ears to make him come."

 

[beemerdons]

Best yarn in Ireland!

On a sunny day in Ireland, a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.

So the chicken drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the same Donegal meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says: "I think I can get you out."

So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up." The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse or an Irishman, you don't need a Mercedes-Benz to pick up chicks!

 

[madmike2]

The Irish are big dreamers, eh?

 

[beemerdons]

The Irish are big dreamers, eh?

Yes!

 

[ShinyPartsUp]

Niehart, your joke must have been written by an Englishman. But I'll forgive you because of your avatar. Nice bulb.

 

[beemerdons]

Niehart, your joke must have been written by an Englishman. But I'll forgive you because of your avatar. Nice bulb.

Ha, ha! Love your new avatar, Shiny! That one just may win the "Best of 2009"! Still like Dr. Rich's with an Irish Elf on his lap!

 

[chrisflock]

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a mail order catalogue and admiring the models.

One says to the other,

'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

The second one replies,

'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes,

'Wow, they aren't very expensive.

At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.

'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful

as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest IRISHMAN asks his friend,

'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered

from the catalogue?'

The second IRISHMAN replies......

SCROLL DOWN ... :yahoo:

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

'No, but it shouldn't be long now.

She sent all her clothes yesterday!'

Awesome joke, but we're going to have to label every thread you post in as **** because of your avatar!

Not that I'm complaining about the avatar, it is just that, you know, someone could lose an eye.

 

[beemerdons]

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a mail order catalogue and admiring the models.

One says to the other,

'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

The second one replies,

'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes,

'Wow, they aren't very expensive.

At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.

'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful

as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest IRISHMAN asks his friend,

'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered

from the catalogue?'

The second IRISHMAN replies......

SCROLL DOWN ... :yahoo:

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

V

'No, but it shouldn't be long now.

She sent all her clothes yesterday!'

Awesome joke, but we're going to have to label every thread you post in as **** because of your avatar!

Not that I'm complaining about the avatar, it is just that, you know, someone could lose an eye.

chrisflock: Yeah, and I had to double up on my heart medications!