FJR and raising family

[Dblhelix]

I am curious what experiences or thoughts folks can share about continuing to ride our beloved steeds while raising a family. Do you have a young family now and ride? Did you ride during the early years of a new child’s life? Did you stop and perhaps resume motorcycling once your family was older? I love this bike, it makes my heart flutter just looking at it. Riding is such an amazing combination of exhilaration, relaxation, skill, challenge and just fun. However, we cannot deny the risks associated with this passion regardless of how responsible we may be. The question I keep facing is whether the enjoyment I get from motorcycling is a fair trade off for my family at this time with the newly added responsibilities of fatherhood. There are many risks in life and things beyond our control. You never know what is around the next corner, whether you are standing on the curb, on a bike or in a Mack truck. I realize everyone must ultimately make their own assessment/decision. I am struggling…Maybe I am just looking for the feedback I want to hear to help me justify the whole thing, or not. Appreciate the thoughts.

 

[FJRMaineiac]

As a father of three young boys (ages 12, 9, and 5), I know what you are talking about. It is something I do think about from time to time. I have been riding motorcycles since I was a kid myself, so it has always been a part of my life. But you are right - the responsibilities of fatherhood change the game so to speak.

I try to do everything in my control to ride as safely as possible - ATGATT, keeping my head on a swivel, keeping my motorcycle properly maintained, etc. Of course, there is always the "X" factor - the things you can't control. The deer that appears out of nowhere, the knot-headed cager that looks right at you at an intersection and proceeds anyway (that happened to me today), etc.

In the end, I rely on faith that my time will come when my number is up, and unless I choose to do something incredibly stoopid to accelerate that date, I can't do much to change it. None of us that take up riding on two wheels believes that we are invincible. Quite the opposite. I think we all ride with a keen awareness that we ARE more exposed. But in that risk comes some of the added excitement of motorcycling.

I try to do my best to be a good example for my sons. My two oldest ones ride with me regularly, and the youngest is itching to. I know that there is a risk that I or we may not come home some day, or that we risk the potential for serious injury. Still, I think that the benefits outweigh the risk and so ....

we ride. :bike:

Ride safe, but drink deeply from the cup of life. We only get one turn around this rock - let's make it a great one!

 

[Happy Rider]

My son is 7 and daughter is 5 and I think about them often when I ride. It keeps me from riding over my head. I have ridden since I was 6 or 7 and not riding is not an option. Just like when I exercise, riding helps me relax and makes me a better person. Be smart, practice skills often, keep a good space cushion, have a high visual horizon, don't drink and ride, maintain your equipment, don't over ride your line of sight, and ride often. Get good term life insurance at least 10 times your income. It's cheap if you are in good health. If you are not in good health then maybe you should address that and get in shape as well.

 

[SacramentoMike]

I've ridden since the '60's, but there were some bikeless years while my kids were little. That wasn't really a conscious decision, just the way it worked out somehow. I guess finances were a big reason then, but it's also that I never really experienced the downright FUN of riding until I got into the FJR world, and that was only since I retired 4 years ago. If I'd had a bike like this then, it might have been different. Maybe that's lucky.

To try to come up with an answer to your question, though, now that you have the bike and the kids, I think you're a little stuck. How the heck could you give up either? Well, you can't give up the kids, so that's ridiculous, but could you really give up the bike? Luckily, you don't have to choose, I hope. As long as the wife is ok with it, you can have your rides; commute to work, some day rides on weekends, maybe even an occasional treat like a regional meeting or something. I think you could argue that it helps you relax and be a happier man, and therefore a better husband and dad. Especially if you stay conscious of what the wife might be suffering through worrying about you. Just ride carefully, like we all try to do, and frankly, make sure you have darn good insurance--all kinds--just in case.

 

[DE OPPRESSO LIBER]

+1 to both FJRMaineiac and Happy Rider. FJRMaineiac hit it ride on the head.

While we can ride as responsibly as possible and have the best gear known to man, there are still things that happen that we just can't avoid. As was mentioned, it all boils down to risk vs. benefit. For the vast majority, the benefits outweigh the risk. For the others, they just don't ride.

But, who's to say you aren't going to get wiped out while riding in your cage or crossing the street? Or doing some other recreational activity?

Do the things you know you should and either forget about the things that you have absolutely no control of or put it in your god's hands..... whichever works for you.

As HappyRider mentioned in another thread, we can't live in a bubble trying to avoid/protect ourselves from the realities of life. So, if riding is what makes you happy, then get out there and ride! Again, just do the things you know you should and that will go a long way toward maximizing your safety.

Hoping you find peace with yourself and this (hopefully) minor mental struggle.

CJ

 

[Geezer]

I stopped riding when my kids were young. It had nothing to do with safety concerns, but about time and money. I did store my bikes for more than 10 years while telling myself that I was going to get back to riding them, but I bought a new one instead and gave the old ones away to people who had the time and money to restore and use them. Now my kids are adults, two out of three have their own bikes, and I ride as much as I can.

 

[juniorfjr]

When I got married 25 years ago, life took me on another path, so I was out of riding for most of that time. Had a couple of dirt bikes, but nothing roadable. When I hit 50 my daughter was 16 and too busy for dad. So I bought a bike I'd been dreaming about.

My regret was not riding for 20 years.

 

[High Desert Rat]

I gave up the bike for the growing years of my children. Do regret doing so.... you bet. I was not pressured into it by my sweetheart of a wife. However, I not, repeat, do not regret having additional time seeing my kids grow, spending time being in their world, having the close conversations while backpacking, going to marching band events (music to me is an on/off switch), and other life milestones. Making a mature decision means sacrifice of doing something we love for a period of time. I would deeply regret if my children were raised by a single mother, or in a worst (maybe not) case a step-father. I knew when it was time to get back into the sport I loved deeply, my wife said it was time and added that my life insurance must be increased. The bikes will always be there, there always be newer, better motorcycle out there. Your kids ....

 

[FJRBluesman]

I have always ridden while we've had kids. My riding has increased as the kids got older (now 11 thru 18) and I didn't have to go to so many games etc.

They are all very supportive and know it's my passion.

 

[Big-D]

I was already riding when I met and married my wife back in 1982. We have three daughters, all grown up now (23, 25 & 27). My wife used to ride when I owned my '95 Goldwing, although we lived in Colorado and she was not as afraid as she is today. But she used the excuse "what would happen to our kids if we were both killed on a motorcycle". It was a logical excuse and something I thought of often while taking my yearly long trips when my kids were young. But things worked out the way we had wanted them to I guess, being we are still both hanging around. She still uses excuses ad I still take as many trips as I can afford to take. There were times that for whatever reason, I sold my bike thinking that was that, only to buy another a year or two down the road. My oldest daughter is really interested in riding a bike now (as a pillion). I showed her the pictures Warchild posted of him and his daughter and now she wants to go on a trip with me. But she wants me to buy her all of the gear in case she doesn't like it, I wasted my money not her wasting hers. Yeah I know, she is a cheapskate. And now she is a Registered Nurse and makes more than dad does on his retirement. My youngest just moved out of the house two days ago and we are going through child withdraw. When your last child moves out you realize not only your own mortality, but you notice the gray more, among other things too!

Makes me think about how it wasn't that long ago when they looked like this!

 

[Patriot]

I was into dirt bikes big time high school, college, early working career. Just loved to "race" enduros through the woods of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida. Enjoyed everything about my membership in the Southern Enduro Assoc.

Went back to college in my mid 20's and bought my first street bike to do the commute and get superior parking privilges. Met my now wife in a church singles group and found she loved to ride pillion. Married and kept riding together. Took 6 years to have our first daughter. I remember seeing the bike sit for months at a time and I found myself purchasing replacement battery after battery. Finally, a neighbor brought over a cousin who was looking to purchase a bike. Sold mine for a song and had a good cry.

Fast forward 10 years, I retire and receive disability. I switch churches to the one my closest friends when growing up attend and they now all have bikes. I mull it around for months and talk seriously to my wife and kids. Everyone important agrees my riding is a reasonable activity after we discuss the real possible down side. With my wife's permission, my best friend agrees to work with me to find an appropriate bike for this riding re-birth. We do so and the purchase is made. I ride my 750 cruiser for a few years and even trailer it with me to NC running away from a ****** named Katrina.

Wifey wants to ride with me all the more...but comfortably. We find a classic Goldwing needing some TLC and both enjoy riding together all the more. My kids get to be 11 and 13 (both daughters) and they keep asking for me to take them on rides. Both love riding with me and I take them on longer and longer outings on the Goldwing. The Goldwing starts getting old and worn out. I look for a newer used Wing and they are all priced out of my league.

Southerncruiser Jay decides to trade his '04 in on a brand new '08. Silly man thinks he wants to "upgrade" to a Gen II. A fellow named Knifemaker, who owned a similar 750 cruiser to mine, gets married and purchases an '06 Feej and shares how much he likes it. We even attend a cruiser get together and I get to see his in person. I run across Jay's advertising on craiglist he's selling his. Emails and phone calls are exchanged and I test ride it on a back street in Baton Rouge. I'm hooked after barely going 1/2 mile. Every time I hammer it, a reflexive smile is formed.

My love of riding the Feej takes me on years of an addictive ride and the greatest enjoyment of a sport I've ever experienced. The bonus is the enrichment of my life being a part of this forum group. I'm not kidding when I say the experience is a daily dose of immense therapy.

 

[Groo]

I've got 3 girls, 17, 14, and 11. I think about them a good bit on my longer trips.

I find myself falling back on my faith when considering my ongoing riding. If the Good Lord says it's my time, then it'll happen on the bike or not. I've been through enough situations on the bike where it could have gone amazingly badly, but came through to think that someone up there is watching out for me.

Buy enough insurance, make good motorcycle related decisions, tell them that you love them at every opportunity, and let life happen.

 

[BIODSL]

A man needs an outlet. For each of us it's different and for different reasons. The cop might need it as a release from the emotional and physcial stress they face every day interacting with the less desirables of society. The office worker might need it for adventure and challenge that is so often missing in modern society. I love riding endurance rallies because they provide excitement, challenge and competition in one motorcycling related package. It's also an activity I can do on my own. While some like enjoy riding with others and use it as a social activity, my motorcycling is a individual pursuit; I spend my whole life doing for and working with others but my motorcycling is for me alone.

A lot of research has been done on the importance of play for children. We're now learning that play is just as important for adults. You need to play! A big hurdle to this in marriage can be that men and women don't understand each other very well. Women often seek risk taking as needless and immature. They're totally oblivious to the sense of joy, accomplishment and sense of living life we men can get from pushing an envelope. Allison Armstrong has a company who's main purpose is to help women understand what makes men tick. Her stuff is great (I've listened to her several times on the Dennis Prager radio show. She really gets us!) There's probably not a single more important thing you could do than to have the Mrs. read some of her books or attend one of her seminars

https://www.understandmen.com/makingsense/schedule.php

The trick is balancing all the aspects of family life. This has been difficult for me, but I have found that I'm a much better dad, husband, brother, son and friend when I have not denied myself the opportunity to ride.

 

[El Toro]

Make sure you've got enough life insurance to cover the needs of raising your family so that the responsibility wouldn't burden your wife.

Make sure you've got enough medical insurance to cover a catastrophic need so that the responsibility wouldn't burden your wife.

Once you've got these things covered, reconcile yourself to the risk of riding.... is the potential down side which may never come worth the risk in order to obtain the up side which may be delivered on many rides? Only you can answer.

 

[MojaveFJR]

I didn't ride while raising my family. Not because I didn't want to but that my job kept me extremely busy and when not deployed there were long hours, college and other things that needed done. Once college was complete, I bought my first street motorcycle. People asked about, "what about your children?" My response was often, "when your number is up, it is up. No matter where you are, what you are doing, its your time and your done. So why tip toe through life"? Most often I got shrugged shoulders as people may have never thought of life in those terms. What gets me is that people get in accidents with everything from ladders, to cars and no one asks, "you have kids. You sure you want to climb that ladder". Why is it that no one is concerned for your safety climbing a ladder, but they are concerned when you ride a motorcycle. Motorcyclists logged millions of miles incident free yet you never here about that. Another thing that gives people something to think about is that 8/10 times if there is a motorcycle accident that involves a automobile, it is the car drivers fault yet all we hear about is, "how dangerous motocycles are". Evidently its not the motorcycle that is dangerous but car and or car drivers but no one warns them and plenty of couples and families travel in automobiles everyday without a worry one. Used to work with a guy and was talking to his wife one day about him getting another motorcycle and she said, "those things are dangerous people die on them". She commutes into the city a couple of times a week. Asked, "how many motorcycle accidents has she seen in the last yr compared to car accidents". No motorcycle but several car accidents. So I said to her, "yet you get in a car everyday, go somewhere are you not afraid". Again, shoulder shrug. Went with a buddy to buy a motocycle once. I asked the guy, "why are you selling?" His response, "getting married and the wife to be wants me to give this up". Dave the smartass goes, "what is she giving up?". The silence was extemely awkward. Never did get a response from that question.

I still have one child at home and a new wife. The wife shares my passion for riding and often encourages rides. Gotta love her. My daughter encourages my riding as well but for reasons as to get me out of the house and stop bothering her. Neither of my children have raised any concern about my riding a motorcycle because they know, if I don't do this, I will be doing something equally "dangerous", maybe take up sky diving.

Guess its a personal decision to ride or not to ride while rearing children or while married.

 

[k7lvo]

I didn't ride until my kids were 8-10 years old because I didn't get the bug til then. I had ridden a bit right out of high school, but I couldn't afford a car and a bike both, and the car won. Got married, had kids, then, a few years later got a good deal on a bike. I discovered that my wife had also ridden a bit before I met her, but gotten away from it. We decided we liked to ride, but, with kids, we were looking for family activities. How to make street biking a family activity? With 2 kids, we could either get a side car or 2 bikes. My wife is pretty independent a decided that she would rather be a rider than a passenger, so 2 bikes was the answer. That was almost 30 years ago, and we still have 2 bikes, even though the kids are grown and have their own families. We had lots of good times, and have a lot of great memories!

Back then I had medical and life insurance, although probably not enough, and the kids wore the same "protective gear" as we did: t shirts and jeans. We did draw the line and insisted on long pants, and helmets were always worn. What can I say? I don't think we ever had a car seat for either of them. I don't remember anybody in the 70s and 80s using car seats.

(As an aside, the kids - both girls - enjoyed the motorcycle vacations for a few years, but eventually got bored with them. The following exchange occurred one time: Me: "What do you mean you don't want to go? There are kids that would kill for the opportunity to go on a 2-week motorcycle ride!" Daughter: "Great! Take them!" )

 

[Silver Penguin]

The decision was made on our behalf, when newly married with young children. We only had enough money for one vehicle and that had to be a car. Said good-bye to our two-wheeled dreams. That was OK, at the time. The rewards of having the kids around were plenty.

Fast forward to our move from England to California. Again, we only had one car due to our tight budget. Andy talked about getting a bike to commute on. I was uneasy about it, since there was so much more traffic than we were used to. I suggested a deal that if we got a bike, he would ride it five days a week, while I worried about him then the roles would be reversed at the weekend. He didn't go for it.

Fast forward some more to a time when the kids got to a stage where they knew it all and didn't need parents any more (yeah, right!) We had two incomes by then. Two cars. Plus, we were drifting apart without the constant parenting of little ones, to fill every minute.

Happy ending, in progress. He got a bike and rode it. I rode it. I got a bike. Then we got more bikes.

The decision was made for us, whether or not to have bikes when the kids were little. Looking back, I don't know if I would have done things differently. Those precious days, and even hours that you spend with them, can't be brought back. Then of course there is the risk factor. That's a decision that each rider has to make with respect to their own circumstances. What's right for one, is wrong for another.

If finances permit, there is always dirt riding together with family camping. Unless you're a very aggressive rider, dirt tends to be safer plus it can be enjoyed for the whole family.

 

[UselessPickles]

I'm actually reading this from the hospital room where my wife is recovering from the birth of our second child. Many people assumed that I would either voluntarily sell the bike when our first was born, or that my wife would pressure me to sell the bike, especially after I was involved in a motorcycle accident while my wife was pregnant with our first. "You're not getting another motorcycle, are you?" was a very common question, but my wife had already driven me up to a dealership and helped me hobble in on my crutches to order a replacement just a few days after the accident.

Riding is just too much of who I am that "taking a break from riding" never really crossed my mind as something to consider, and my wife never mentioned it. In fact, she was still riding her own motorcycle until she was about 5 months pregnant and couldn't fit into her riding gear anymore.

My older son (16 months) already loves motorcycles. Any distinct or loud engine noise instantly catches his attention and he must locate the source of the sound. He gets excited when he hears my motorcycle pulling into the driveway. Whenever he sees my bike, he walks around it, touches various parts (usually lights and reflectors), and makes his best attempt at saying "vroom vroom".

I'm hoping that these early good memories about motorcycles will create some good riding companions in the future. My wife is itching to get back on her bike too, so there's potential for some nice family rides.

 

[FJRay]

I raised 4 kids with the help of my second wife and through all the trauma of divorce, single parenting, bankruptcy and blending a new family the motorcycle was the safety valve. I don't know that it all would have worked without riding to maintain sanity.