Thanks from all of us for again posting the lone good results from your unfortunate get-off: photos of the extremely hawt health practitioners who have been recruited to your cause. Hell of a way to get their attention, though.
About that "can't shit for shit" complaint . . .
Fall of 2003, immediately post-divorce, I ran in an early morning 10k with the same complaint as yours (coincidentally, also an occasional complaint with early morning KSUps with other riders). The discomfort of running 6.2 miles at 51 and full of shit motivated me to address the issue and its dietary origin, so I started reading about fiber in my diet. We should probably be eating something like 30g of fiber a day, but most modern diets don't provide that.
So, from late 2004 until today, I have been eating the same breakfast at least 6 days a week. (And since you can't taste much, this could be easy for you.) Friends have since taken it up with the same *joyous* results. MEM gave me grief about it before our Utah tour when she found out that Bob and I would be eating it every morning and depriving her of breakfast companionship at the egg and Canadian Bacon sausage joints. After the first morning of that tour, she denominated it "elk feed", and that's what it has been called since.
Elk Feed is
1/2 cup "All Bran" (or "Bran Buds" or "Extra Fiber All Bran")
1/4 cup uncooked oatmeal ("Old Fashioned" and NOT "Quick")
2 tbsp. cracked flax seed (I buy in bulk and crack for use in a dedicated coffee grinder)
Fresh blueberries, blackberries, raspberries and/or other berries (sometimes substituting raisins, dried cranberries, etc. for the purposes of packing for a trip)
Eat with water (my preference), milk or soy milk. Often, I'll eat half of that with coffee first thing, then go out (e.g., to yoga) and eat the other half later in the morning.
Everyone who has tried it has reported the same joyous results. Caution, however: get to that volume of fiber slowly (i.e., over a period of a couple weeks) rather than going the fast immersion route the morning of an important meeting, a ride with friends, a hot brunch date, . . . unless you want to end up frantically searching for a rest room or three. (And for you, Howie - first run it by your G.P. Doc.)
Stay well, get better and keep logging in, ya old codger!