I just found out my best friend in Hih School is a bum?

[2006FJR]

I met up with his sisters at a bar and they told me the bridge he lives under. I did not know what to say and I would like to reach out to him but I guess I will need to find him first.

 

[madmike2]

First, you might want to gather yourself and your thoughts.

Second, get advice from those who deal with thise situation every day.

Third, think about what you'd do or say. I assume his sisters have tried to reach out to him. You'll want to determine if it's circumstances or lifestyle choices that have brought him to this place.

Sometimes you can help. Sometimes they have to want that help.

He may not be the person you remember.

 

[2006FJR]

I am not sure I can get my head around the situation yet and wanted to see your thoughts. They said he had got strung out on Meth and has not been the same since he was introduced to the drug. My best bet is to see if there is a local homeless shelter where people know him and can give me better advice regarding him personally. I have spent years trying to get a hold of him and it was not until yesterday I found out why. This is a huge shock and my instincts are to want to help if I can.

 

[madmike2]

I understand the feelings and having them is not a bad, in itself.

Rushing in with good intentions without understanding the underlying issues is not the right thing.

If he has damaged his brain, i.e., his ability to cognitively reason or to function anywhere near "normal", there may not be much you can do. How sad for all concerned!

By all means be his advocate with the system. There really are people who want to help from their place in the system. Some truly do enter this type of work with altruistic motives and want to help. Caring enough to seek intervention or assistance is commendable. Using wisdom and restraint is a good choice of action.

Good for you that you care. Deal with your own shock, first and use diligence in preparing whatever course of action you choose.

 

[BIODSL]

This is good advice from MadMike. Take it.

 

[Joe2Lmaker]

... I would like to reach out to him but I guess I will need to find him first.

What does "reach out" mean to you? 'Rescue'? 'Offer help'?

What are your expectations?

What if your former friend doesn't want what you want for him?

Have you ever struggled with addiction? (don't answer that one) Sometimes, it takes a recovered addict to help an addict.

Is your help conditional? Are the conditions clear?

Are you putting yourself or your family at risk by getting involved?

Can you think of another word beside "bum" to describe your former friend's condition?

 

[Patriot]

This is good advice from MadMike. Take it.

Gunny +1

 

[beemerdons]

This is good advice from MadMike. Take it.

Gunny +1

Double Gunny, +10! Good advice from Mike and Joe! Wish I'd read such words before trying help a friend a decade ago, he really didn't want to stop being an alcoholic!

 

[2006FJR]

... I would like to reach out to him but I guess I will need to find him first.

What does "reach out" mean to you? 'Rescue'? 'Offer help'?

What are your expectations?

What if your former friend doesn't want what you want for him?

Have you ever struggled with addiction? (don't answer that one) Sometimes, it takes a recovered addict to help an addict.

Is your help conditional? Are the conditions clear?

Are you putting yourself or your family at risk by getting involved?

Can you think of another word beside "bum" to describe your former friend's condition?

I am going to wait until he moves back in with his sister which seems to be about every 3-4 months or so. I smoked pot in High School and I have a drink about once a week so I have never struggled with any sort of addition. I tried to think of other words to describe my buddy Mike but I was not sure I knew a work that would describe his situation... Urban Outdoorsman or Meth Addict? I spent about 4 years of my life being abused pretty badly when I was a kid and their family took me in. Now may not be the time but I do want to think of the right way to play it forward. I had another person suggest the show on A & E called Intervention. I was going to run the idea past his sisters and see what they say? I clearly need to think about this a little more before I make a move.

 

[madmike2]

I clearly need to think about this a little more before I make a move.

You might also discuss options with his sisters. I'm sure they have tried many things over the years and would be able to give insight into his personal dynamics.

Good luck with whatever you are able to do with and for him.

I'm sorry for the pain in your heart and in theirs.

 

[dcarver]

I hope this works out well for you. I too had a good bud who strung out, I offered help numerous times, he rejected every outreach. I finally just had to 'let him go' and live his life which lead to an early death. I commend you for having the feelings of wanting to help - I get it. Good luck.

 

[LagerHead]

in addition to what everyone has offered above, let me add one thing. You may not be able to help. The older brother of one of my best friends is homeless due to severe mental issues. He gets word of his whereabouts about every 2-3 years but they have been unable to help. As sad as it is some people are just too far gone for you to do anything. I'm not saying don't try, but don't get so emotionally invested that it does you harm if you're not able to affect positive change in his life.

 

[rushes]

I've got 3 homeless friends.

I help..I try. Seriously...

They're gonna do whatever.

Don't try to save them.

Give what you feel comfortable.....

We're all phucked up.....

 

[madmike2]

Rule #1: Keep YOUR family & household safe and protected.

Rule #2: Keep yourself able to keep Rule #1 (Mentally, emotionally and physically)

Other rules as you prioritize them......

 

[marcusorelius]

It's a long fall down into meth addiction, I have a friend who made that fall. Even his bro who was a space shuttle pilot coulndn't help him. It took 2 stints in the L.A. county jail to make him stop. Let him know ya care though, ya never know what will turn him around.

 

[Checkswrecks]

He WAS your best friend and now is a different person. There's a lot of great advice here, especially from MM2 about keeping YOUR head straight!

One of the other "bests" somebody mentioned is that you may not be able to do anything at all. If he's living under a bridge, you are not going to be the first, second, or fifteenth person to reach out to him. You might ask about him with the local shelter or if there's a "beat cop."

 

[Ack535]

MY OPINION FROM A LAW ENFORCEMENT PERSPECTIVE:

If the guy is strung out on Meth, he is not the person you once knew... Nor will he ever become that person again, That person you knew in HS is now dead. It is the nature of that terrible drug to destroy any common sense, or decency left in a human being.

If you bring him back into your life he will use you, abuse you, and probably rob you or your wife to support his habit. The only thing that guy cares about now is where his next hit is coming from. Seen it before...

STAY AWAY!

 

[TomInPA]

Your former friend is not the guy you knew. If he has been on meth and living on the street, he likely suffers from psychotic disorders, and irrational behavior. Theft, deception and manipulation of anyone who will listen are just part of daily life. He may be infected with diseases like hepatitis or AIDS. These people's behavior tends to follow a cycle where they do return to family and friends occasionally, and they may seem remorseful and want to fix their lives. It rarely lasts.

There are many good books written on the subject, and support groups for family and friends to help you understand what you can do, and how to protect yourself. Rescues are very rare. Meth is about as bad as it gets. Its natural to want to help, and its very easy to become manipulated. Watch your back.

 

[2006FJR]

Thank you everyone for your comments and I see a trend here I cannot ignore. I guess there was a feeling of helplessness after reading these posts but in the end you are right, the drug is in charge and makes all of the decisions.