I'm 47 Dad is 74

[Fallen Jim Rides again]

My prayers are with your father and you.

Hang in there.

 

[donaldb]

Thanx to all forum family and your kind words. Days and nights run together now. I came home for a few hours nap time. Those chairs that fold into beds are not all that comfy. Constant interuptions during the night from hosp staff don't help either. Mom is up in years and she is not capable of being with him at night and since the cancer has spread to his brain in several places Dad is not quite the same at times and someone needs to be with him at all times. So I sleep on pins and needles and jump at the slightest sound as I am afraid he will try to get up to use the bathroom or something and he can not walk steady at the moment. He does not need to fall again.

On the positive side (if there really is one) we are getting some quality time together. His Dr. has agreed to allow him a few totties in the evening given his situation and the nursing staff has pretty good humor at it all. I get to prepare his favorite scotch and water, the bar opens promptly at 5 p.m. and as dad has told his nurses every night is lady's night, they drink for free

He still has some humor.

While the dr's have advised his condition is terminal we still do not know much else, I guess it will depend on how well he responds to the treatments, 16 radiation treatments followed by chemo. I hope we have him around for a while longer, time will tell.

Watching all this day and night is very difficult, the coughing up of blood, the tremors and weakness and shaking takes an emotional toll on us all, most of all dad. Nights are particularly tough in the quiet and dark, they have become long. I have gritted my teeth at each and every cough.

Hopefully we will know more within the next couple days.

 

[Mike-H]

PM sent....

 

[rogdeb]

Donald,

your Dad, you and your family are in our thoughts.

Rog & Debs

 

[Groo]

You, your dad, and the rest of your family are in our prayers.

 

[fjrchooser]

Donald,

I went throught a very similar scene with my Dad, though I was 22 and he 48. I don't have to guess what you are going through, nor your Dad.

I would reiterate what someone else has mentioned - make the most of these moments and talk about the things that are important to you both.

My prayers are with you and your family,may God bless you all.

 

[user 213]

Donald,

My Dad passed away Thanksgiving day a year ago from lung cancer. Similar issues when we discovered it, but they basically gave him 4 months and he made it for 8. Tough guy, but a tough time the last couple of months.

Be there for your Dad as much as you can. If there's anything you wanted to do with him, try to do it as soon as possible. I wish you and your Dad the best possible outcome, but plan for the worst and hope for the best.

If you have questions, PM me and I'll do my best to answer them. One last thing, Hospice is your friend.

 

[throttlejockeyTJ]

Sorry to hear that. It sounds pretty far along. A friend of mine same age has prostrate cancer.

In doing research, every 'body' has a PH that can be Acid or Alkaline. If your body PH is Alkaline, cancer can't continue to live or spread. There are PH testing strips (Amazon & elsewhere). Acid is bad for cancer, kidneys, stomach ulcers, teeth, gums, gout, etc.

Many of us arn't spring chickens anymore.

 

[FJRMGM]

Damn - I feel your pain my friend. My girlfriends mother died of lung cancer last month and it was cruel.

As the son of an 86 year old Mom who is in failing health I can relate to your issues. Just got back from a long trip up to Iowa to see her.

Every time I kiss her goodbye I know it could be the last. Sigh......

 

[Randy]

thoughts are with you, donald. my pop is also about to undergo chemo after a series of other (unrelated) illnesses. poor guy never smoked, never drank (to excess), and lived a pretty healthy life.

 

[donaldb]

Thanx for everyones thoughts and prayers, they seem to be working. Things seem to be improving a little. I do not know how much more improvement can be expected, but I am hopeing there is still more to come. The Onacologist (sp?) says it is still very early in the game to tell us much with certainty, however he felt dad would continue to regain his voice and balance. No timetable on longivity, as it will depend on how well he reacts to treatment. They plan 12-16 radiation treatments followed by chemo. (he has already had 4 on his brain and 3 on his lungs) It is good to see dad reading the paper again and doing his favorite thing which is working the NYT crossword puzzle. Before he started getting really bad he could do the crossword in less than an hour, and now he is back at it already and though he has not yet completed one he has come very close. It's good theropy for him as he recognizes the improvement. I spent the night with him again last night as I have every night and will again tonight. During the day mom stays with him and today I came to their house and it was a honor to work installing a hand held shower head and a safety grip bar along side the commode. Tomorrow I will install a safety grip bar in the shower. All this is obviously in anticipation of his return home maybe as early as next week, he will travel back and forth for the remainder of his treatments. It will be a good thing to have dad back at home where he belongs. Medicare will cover the cost of a walker and shower chair as well as some home health and physical theropy.

Again thanks to you all, more than you'll ever know, for your thoughts and prayers and if I may be so selfish as to ask that you keep them comming maybe a little longer as they have helped him so much so far and maybe if the thoughts and prayers continue he will continue to get even better. :yahoo:

Shit I'm tired, but all I have to do is think what he's been through the past couple weeks and how hard he has worked to stay positive and strong and then I can face another day, all in the anticipation of seeing him look and feel a little better and closer to comming home. :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

 

[GalaxyBlue]

Thanks for the update! I am glad the news is good! )

The prayer warriors are united!

 

[daytripper]

My father died when I was 5. I have always felt that he has been watching over me. I am now 49. I am a father of 2. I guess my point is, for many of us, fathers never quit being a dad and children never quit remembering their father. It is an eternal bond. I will keep your family in my prayers and hope that he pulls through the treatment.

 

[donaldb]

Back at mom and pop's for the weekend, (Leeds, AL) it's become fairly routine these days. He's hanging in the game pretty good so far. I noticed an improvement over the past week. Still hoping for the best.

 

[donaldb]

Welp, got another one of "those" calls last Thursday afternoon. Pop has been re-admitted back into the hospital. I left work the next morning and dove back over to Alabama, spent the afternoon with him and the night as well. Don't know how long he will be in there at present.

Walked into the room, first thing I notice, he was receiving whole blood. They gave him 2 units yesterday. Seems his red count was very, very low and his white count almost as low. Dr.s seem to think he is loosing blood from somewhere, but they don't know where. More tests scheduled this afternoon. Came back to mom and pop's house for a shower and a few zzz's, got to be back up there by 4 so mom can drive back home before it get's dark. They have postponed the chemo........for now. Later

 

[Scab]

Thoughts and prayers for ya'll, donaldb.

 

[dcarver]

My prayers are with you. And I don't pray all that much.. I so dread the day I am in your shoes... Really don't know what to say, other than be strong, lean with corner and winds of life and don't run wide or break. Hope this makes sense. We all care for you. Sorry I can't say it better.

 

[git-r-dan]

Bruce, be strong. My prayers are with you and your family as yours were for me through my time the last few months. You are a world-champ son beyond a shadow of a doubt.

 

[James Burleigh]

I just caught up with this thread. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I was not very close to my dad, I regret to say. In fact my parents got divorced when I was young, so I did not see much of him. As a result, when I got married and before I had kids, the idea of being a "dad" and of fatherhood were more conceptual than deeply felt or experienced ideas for me. I did not even know if I wanted to have kids. But of course my wife did, and because it was a natural part of marriage, I had no objection. Then the kids came.

My own father was from the "slap and shout" school of child-rearing. I didn't care much for that. And so I knew I didn't want to raise my kids that way. Instead I turned to the style of parenting that I observed in my wife's older brother, who by then had a couple of children. He interacted with his kids in a way I had not experienced, observed, or even knew was appropriate for a father: He held them and kissed them and hugged them and cherished them. I watched, learned, and applied those lessons as best I could to my children.

As I began raising my three young children, all two years apart, I did not carry within myself a strong reservoir of fatherly love and self-confidence through having a strong relationship with my own father that guided me in raising them. But as I interacted with them every day, and kissed, hugged, and cherished them, that reservoir began to fill, gradually, over the years.

During this time of raising my young children my dad came back to live close by with his second wife. And my wife and I started to visit them. We got to know them and look forward to our times together. Also at this time my dad was struggling with alcoholism. He lost his job and could not get another one. Finally his wife, my wife, and I held an intervention with him, where we told him that we loved him and that we were there for him and would do whatever it took to get him well again. He checked into the VA hospital (Annapolis graduate, veteran of Korea). Things got better for a time. Then worse. His wife divorced him and he wound up living in a dive hotel room. I came into work one morning and was told I had a phone call from the coroner's office. He had taken his own life.

My mother passed away years before my dad. It was the year I graduated from college. She was 47, an age I passed several years ago. Having collapsed in her home one day, she was rushed to the hospital, diagnosed with advanced-stage melanoma, and passed away two weeks later after much similar family effort as you describe you are going through now.

Although I began fatherhood with a kind of detached, abstract understanding of what fatherhood--and more broadly, parenthood--was and meant, I soon came to understand that for those of use who become parents, being a parent is one of the most fundamental experiences of being a human being. I think back to my great grandparents, grandparents, and parents, and look ahead to the day I will be a grandparent, great grandparent, God willing....

So that now as I look back at the last 21 years, my children now being aged 17, 19, and 21, I recall how deeply routed, embedded, and vital a part of my childrens' lives I was and am, and how equally embedded and vital are part of me they are. As one who embarked 21 years ago into fatherhood feeling ambivalent at best, I recognize now that my children and I are an inseparable part of each other. And of course the bond is Love. My reservoir is full.

So from this personal experience and knowledge of fatherhood that I've gained from both sides, please allow me to say again, I am sorry to hear about your father. I know what he means to you, and what you mean to him.

I wish you and your family the best during this difficult time.

Jb

 

[CAJW]

donaldb, Just to let you know that your family is in our prayers also. Just got some bad news today about my Dad so I'm painfully aware of how you feel. My Dad, like yours is a fighter so let's both keep the faith!