Thanks everyone!
I was busy today playing 1984 F250 mechanic, and just got back to reading this post.
What I was trying to say is that, at least for me, if something isn't in my here and now, I seem to easily forget it. Almost as if it never existed. This is perplexing to me, especially for things I really like to do.
An example - I love to race MX. The feeling of closing the gap on the guy ahead of you and just knowing that 'I OWN you, bitch!' uhh, err, 'bastard', "you will be mine in 2 corners", is one of the greatest feelings in life. Yet I haven't truly twisted the throttle in anger for over a year now. While I remember it, it's just that.. a memory.. Not the here and now I alluded to earlier. It simply does not exist in my current world.
Perhaps it's all a part of evolution and adaptability. I've always been able to do well, even in the worst of circumstances. Through really tough times, broken bones, threat of cancer, loss of numerous riding bud's in one horrible accident, two ex wives, once the 'here and now' is gone, it just doesn't seem to hit the neurons and remain 'real' any longer.
Perhaps this is not a curse but a blessing. Could this be the reason we all ride street, some of us twist the throttle in anger on road race or dirt tracks, and others contiune to jump out of perfectly good airplanes, even knowing that others have paid heavy prices for the very activity I (you) are about to do?
Does any of this make sense to anyone but me? I wish I was a better writer. My thoughts are much more eloquent than the final output of written words.