Ray, this is great to read, although I selfishly admit that I didn't realize there was an issue.
3 weeks ago, my wife had total knee replacement on the right side. In the Pre-op room, the mood was light, but with an undertone of distress. My wife was understandably scared shitless and behind my cheerful, upbeat, positive face, I was wrestling with my own stress. Once she goes beyond that door, I relinquish all control. Whatever happens is totally out of my hands. This is something that is still particularly challenging for me. I know better. I know that for the most part, this is no different than anything else. In reality, I'm rarely in control of anything - especially things that really matter. I know this, and yet I revert back to my anal tendencies, especially during times of stress.
After a couple of hours that seemingly lasted forever, the surgeon came to tell me everything was fine. And it was, and still is. After that, I had a lonely moment of pride. I faced my demons and beat them.
I kind of sensed those same feelings in your original post. If that is true, then I celebrate with you. Regardless, I wish your family a restful and peaceful Christmas, and look forward to the New Year.