JB's Excellent (Near Death) Adventure

[FJRay]

Hey Hans, I heard through the grapevine you decided to provide job security to healthcare workers over the holiday weekend. Glad you lived through it, but this totally ***** up any chance you have of joining Los Robustos, sorry to say.

Do us all a favor and spit the story out, OK? You get wordy and you may not have forever to tell the story -- just sayin'.

Glad you are getting things taken care of man.

Well look who woke up. To bad Hans had to have a heart attack to get you back.

Get well JB we will need another ketnote address next year now that you have joined a new tribe.

 

[James Burleigh]

I pushed the button, gave the dispatcher what she asked for, and then called Fang. I told Fang I was having terrible chest pains, that I had just called 911, and that an ambulance was on the way. She expressed her concern and asked if she could have my stuff. Then she said she was sending Em home (Fang had to stay with her mom). By the time I hung up the phone I could already hear the sirens in the distance. Heavy sigh: the game was on.

The 911 operator had told me to be sure my front door was unlocked, so I got up and unlocked the door. I knew they would ask about medications, so next I got my current high-blood-pressure medication out and set it on the counter. Then I went to the bathroom, figuring this would be my last chance for a long time to be in control of my bathroom schedule.

When I heard the sirens on my street I looked out the front window and noticed a fire truck slowed or stopped a couple of houses down. That’s probably mine, I thought. So I went into the front yard, absently waved my arm in the air, turned around, and went back inside. My chest was still throbbing. The neighbors, all home for Thanksgiving vacation, were already assembling on the sidewalks.

Leaving the door open behind me, I plopped down on the couch and calmly awaited the onslaught of the professionals who would soon fly through the door. God bless the health care workers, for they are the angels of salvation.

Soon there were a bunch of men standing around me in my living room. I think they must have just come from playing baseball, since there were nine of them in matching blue uniforms. They were holding all manner of gear (I recall seeing what looked like bright lights and rubber hoses; no baseball bats or gloves though).

They began asking me a lot of questions, things like, “How much did you pay for this house?” and “What’s the capital of South Dakota?” I answered as best I could. Then they hooked me up and ran a lie detector test, or maybe it was an EKG. Soon Em arrived and quietly placed her hand on my shoulder.

After a few minutes I guess they had what they needed to make the call as to whether this was more of a battery jump or a tow. They went with the tow, ‘cause next thing you know they threw me on a gurney and lifted me into the ambulance.

As we pulled away, I heard the siren come on and felt a needle. Did he say morphine? Isn’t that stuff dangerous? Is it even legal? And then I felt the rush….

 

[Tyler]

And then I felt the rush….

Better living through pharmacology... I have experienced it myself.

Carry on...

 

[GalaxyBlue]

Geez Hans...

Welcome to the Club.

I am curious of the details.

 

[madmike2]

C'mon...quit dancing around the ER events. We want to hear about the poking and probing! :lol:

Uhm...if you have body hair, we also want to hear about removing the EKG patches. heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh, quazy wabbit!

 

[C&C]

I was glad to see that you had 'penned' the new post (a very good sign); and since you hadn't lost your humor (that the prognosis was going to be good). Wishing you the best for a full recovery.

 

[Donal]

C'mon...quit dancing around the ER events. We want to hear about the poking and probing! :lol:

Uhm...if you have body hair, we also want to hear about removing the EKG patches. heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh, quazy wabbit!

I assume this is going to involve a Digital Rectal Procedure?

The big question is was there an Analogue Rectal Procedure before it was superseded by the the Digital........... ?

Don

 

[Checkswrecks]

Glad to see you posting AFTER this happened & am also waiting for the next installment.

I especially could relate to the line where Fang "expressed her concern and asked if she could have my stuff."



Now you get the rest of your life to enjoy.

Bob

ps to others: My other half is an RN in cardiology and cardiac research. You'd be floored to know how many 30-something patients she gets.

 

[Joe2Lmaker]

I pushed the button, gave the dispatcher what she asked for, and then called Fang. ...

I'm glad to see you can still write! I was starting to feel bad about the spelling gibe.

In other words, you're completely screwed. . .

You might want to take an interest in the writings of Dr. Barry Sears. Start with the preface to Enter the Zone.

 

[Silver Penguin]

ps to others: My other half is an RN in cardiology and cardiac research. You'd be floored to know how many 30-something patients she gets.

Some of wouldn't be shocked at all. The pediatric ICU where I work sees patients with morbid obesity, obstructive sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and other conditions that are usually seen in adults.

I took care of a three year old, who needed CPAP at night because he was so fat. It's sad.

Loving the 'ride' report JB. Hope you're able to remember the next bit, after the morphine shot. Even if you don't remember it, do invent something to entertain and amuse us.

PS You'll know if you were an obnoxious patient to the nurses, if you came home with a two inch wide strip of foam tape across your lower abdomen. It seems like a pretty benign thing, until you try to remove it.

 

[GalaxyBlue]

ps to others: My other half is an RN in cardiology and cardiac research. You'd be floored to know how many 30-something patients she gets.

Some of wouldn't be shocked at all. The pediatric ICU where I work sees patients with morbid obesity, obstructive sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and other conditions that are usually seen in adults.

I took care of a three year old, who needed CPAP at night because he was so fat. It's sad.

Loving the 'ride' report JB. Hope you're able to remember the next bit, after the morphine shot. Even if you don't remember it, do invent something to entertain and amuse us.

PS You'll know if you were an obnoxious patient to the nurses, if you came home with a two inch wide strip of foam tape across your lower abdomen. It seems like a pretty benign thing, until you try to remove it.

Yep, I fit into the Fat ******* 30 Something club. Lucky me!

Keep healing Hans, Hopefully you don't end up being a Cabbage Patch Kid" like me

 

[bigtallguy]

Some of wouldn't be shocked at all. The pediatric ICU where I work sees patients with morbid obesity, obstructive sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and other conditions that are usually seen in adults.

I took care of a three year old, who needed CPAP at night because he was so fat. It's sad.

And what's even more sad is the parents standing there saying "I don't know why he's so big" as they hand him another happy meal. Dumbassedness is a common cause of medical problems as far as I can tell.

Enjoying the story though, keep it coming

 

[Bokerfork]

When do we get to the part about the penis?

What? Just trying to keep on subject.

Get well soon Hans.

Mark

 

[Silver Penguin]

And what's even more sad is the parents standing there saying "I don't know why he's so big" as they hand him another happy meal. Dumbassedness is a common cause of medical problems as far as I can tell.

LOL! You were there? It actually went just like that. When the doc met with the Mom (who was very young, and of a substantial build), she asked about the child's diet. 'Are you aware that fast food has a very high fat content?' The dumb look said it all. Mom had no clue. She fed her child what made him happy, and made her happy.

There should be an ICD-9 code for Dumbassesdness.

OK JB. You've had enough time to rest. Where's the next chapter of the story? Enquiring minds want to know what happened next.

 

[Patriot]

oh about the penis thing

it was right out of Penhouse forum letters

this top heavy blonde 20 wanna be came in a night spilling out her tight fitting white outfit

the only nurse I saw all day with a too short skirt and high heel white leather pumps

she walked like a cool breeze, powty lips leaned down, letting her sweet smelling hair down...she...

kinda tired now...more to come...

JB

<we can only dream, right Hans?>

 

[mdisher]

Waiting on the rest of the story.

 

[vabrzn]

Glad you pushed the send button!

 

[RsvlFeej]

Fook JB,

Obviously you never learned that good diet, exercise, motorcycles and a generally moderate lifestyle were bad for your heart. Personally, I think your ticker got bored and kicked in a little pain just to see if it could get you to take up something to make you feel alive - Speaking of which, haven't heard about the RR1000 in a few months...

Kidding aside, I'm with the others, Hans - Glad you're around to write the tale first-person.

 

[twistedcricket]

I'm glad you're doing well and recovering, JB. I would have been very distraught being forced to find another tour guide through NorCal.

 

[madjackdog]

They began asking me a lot of questions, things like, “What’s the capital of South Dakota?”

Knowing you, you probably gave them an exasperated look and told them that the dollar was the capital of South Dakota.