Need help with bad news

[mcatrophy]

I met a couple while touring, over the years we became friends although only meeting up when biking.

A few months ago, the husband died - cancer, not motorcycling. She was devastated, even though it was expected.

I found out when the funeral was and attended it, also getting another motorcycling friend along. She was so pleased that we had come, that we were there, that we had gone out of our way to attend. We didn't need to say much, just showing that we cared. We both offered to help in any way that we could.

That was enough for her.

Just say you are sorry it happened, and you are there if he needs you.

Lately, we invited her to come on a trip with us, a week away. She was grateful, and we were able to reminisce about him, which I believe helped her more, even though she was obviously still grieving.

 

[rogdeb]

Steve,

We feel for you and your friend .. great advice here ^^^ from a great group of peeps.

Rog n Deb

 

[Uncle Hud]

Simply being there for the funeral/ceremony is important, not what you say -- you've made time in your life to recognize another's loss. "Be there" again in two or three weeks, when his spiritual pain becomes an everyday constant. Nothing big: coffee, burger, beer; let him drive the conversation. When you stop your life for someone else, that's significant.

 

[graler]

Simply being there for the funeral/ceremony is important, not what you say -- you've made time in your life to recognize another's loss. "Be there" again in two or three weeks, when his spiritual pain becomes an everyday constant. Nothing big: coffee, burger, beer; let him drive the conversation. When you stop your life for someone else, that's significant.

^^^^ Amen

When you are back to your normal routine and you happen to think of him. Call him, set something up and meet with him. He will get a thousand offers of "Let me know what i can do to help". The ones that mean the most are the ones that show up and say "I am here to help". If you need me to do something that is great. If you just need my time that is even better. If you need to blow off steam I have two ears and a phd in listening. If you need a laugh or a hug I can help. Be there.

 

[Tyler]

When you are back to your normal routine and you happen to think of him. Call him, set something up and meet with him. He will get a thousand offers of "Let me know what i can do to help". The ones that mean the most are the ones that show up and say "I am here to help". If you need me to do something that is great. If you just need my time that is even better. If you need to blow off steam I have two ears and a phd in listening. If you need a laugh or a hug I can help. Be there.

Oh yeah... good point! Lots of people do that... "Let me know..." "Just call me..." They put it in the hurt person's court. Someone in grief isn't in a place to do that. YOU need to reach out to him and, as graler said, say,"Hey I'll be in your area tomorrow... how about a cup of coffee?" or "I was thinking of you today... let's grab [fill in the blank... a beer, dinner, whatever]" Talk about sports and "normal" stuff and be open to talking about anything else.

 

[Daniel78362]

Wow, I'm so sorry for your friend and his families. the road ahead will be rough, very rough.

Survivor guilt can be as distructive as the the event itself.

Be there when asked and needed, listen without judgement and always be honest.

Best wishes to all involved

 

[Bounce]

I'd express guarded condolences at the wake. If he broaches the subject some time later, then it's good for him. If not, then it's not. Let it ride until he's ready.

 

[rockdude]

Condolences to your friend. I as you never know what to say. So I usually have done as others have suggested, an being there is usually enough. Then follow up with them, and get them out. The empty house is worse and full of reminders ...